Monday, October 31, 2011

The Tale of the Irresponsibly Drunken Ghost

           Since Halloween is on a Monday this year, aka a work day, we went out and celebrated on Saturday night by boozing it up at the local pub. There was beer, food, beer, costumes, and of course, drunken ghost stories. There was also a little crying, some mention of failure, a lot more beer, and a bit of shame sprinkled in, but after we pulled ourselves together, we decided that we should do something a little different this year and give back to the children... so we put together some scary campfire stories at the local youth outreach program.
           As you may have imagined... that did not go well.



























And that's the story of how we're no longer allowed within 200 yards of children.

Happy Halloween!

-Bryan

Mood: Pleased with myself
Beer: Dos Equis
Music: The screams of the children




 


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75 comments:

  1. LMAO! You guys can be some sick puppies at times. Poor little-kid-who-might-be-your-illegitimate-bastard. He did make a scary mask though...

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  2. wait wait wait wait wait..... you guys have to work on Halloween? I'm suddenly so much happier it's a bank holiday here and that I am still just lounging around in my boxers!

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  3. Delightfully demented as always. The achem, reservoir tip reminds me of the full body condom in Naked Gun.
    That kid had it coming.

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  4. Bloody hell, that's gruesome even by your standards. That said, I'd have eaten the little bastard myself. Kids treats, mmmmmmm, yummy.

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  5. Crying, failure and shame...yep that sounds like my life, good story though...I can't stand the little gits but cmon 200yds you can do better like a state wide ban.

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  7. Moral of the story: Dont try telling kids ghost stories unless you are sober.
    And that condom on Brandon, he is wearing it wrong, and that explains the little-kid-who-might-be-your-illegitimate-bastard child.
    That haunted cardboard house, scared the hell out of me.
    A for effort. :)

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  8. Don't cha just hate it when you puke in your full body condom? Such an inconvenient mess. A bit like kids really.

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  9. I wish I was at that youth outreach program. I would have freaked you out with my constant allusions to your aesthetically pleasing genitals.

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  10. This is actually the most frightening thing I've seen this Halloween... and maybe ever. Thanks guys.

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  11. I recently took my kids for a "scary" drive and told some stories. After all the screaming and crying, I decided that I will no longer tell ghost stories to ANY child.

    Kids are such whiners! It's no wonder you ate Timmy's head!

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  12. Nothings scarier than wearing the faces of other people! Happy Halloween!! :D

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  13. I think the real moral of this story is kids are bastards. So I'll keep the porch light off and the candy in my lap tonight while I watch my tivo'd shows.

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  14. Nothing says Happy Halloween better than a campfire punch to the face. Or projectile vomiting. Hilarious.

    I love this blog. So much.

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  15. Aaah, what party would be complete without a little sprinkle of shame?

    And what's up with Brandon's obsession with wearing gigantic condoms over his head? Well, at least it protects everyone in the vicinity from projectile vomit ;D

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  16. LOL! This was scary. Sounds like you had a good time...minus the kids.

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  17. Do the police come to your door to make sure you are home tonight?

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  19. Oh God, you two are SICK BASTARDS and I'm laughing at your mental-ness.

    Happy Halloween!

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  21. Well, that beats my scary story about the escaped convict with a hook for a hand.

    I love a good Halloween story where all the kids get killed and worn for masks.

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  22. I'm impressed cartoon Brandon wasn't suffocated under his plastic bag.

    Clearly his drunken foresight far exceeds mine.

    :)
    Jen

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  23. I must say the more I read by you fellas the more I find myself laughing. Cheers!

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  24. Scarring little kids is a lot harder these days. You used to be able to jump out of the bushes and scare the everloving crap out of them, and everyone had a good laugh. If you try that now, what's that going to cost you? $947 in court fees, that's what it cost me.

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  25. Haha, I liked the self adjusting T-shirt. Points to the stupidest person nearby. Happy Halloween.

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  26. That's the best Halloween mask ever! But why is Brandon wearing an oversized condom on his head?

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  28. "Are you my daddy?"

    I just about peed myself when I read that!

    This story is my dream come true: kids being punched in the face and having their heads ripped off for annoying the crap out of you. Ah, the joy!

    After the freaky snow ruined the weekend, I didn't think anything could brighten my mood today, but this totally did.

    Thanks guys for saving Halloween.

    :giggle:

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  29. First of all, next year I want to be a condom.

    Secondly, kids do taste good. I mean, you totally crossed the line, but the line needed to be crossed. They make damn good jerky!

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  30. hahah yes! a punch through the face, keep it classy Seattle.

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  31. Cool story bro! Always great to see people who are willing to help out our at risk youth in this country.

    Jay

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  32. Haha I was expecting a Halloween themed BFTS, and you didn't disappoint. Happy Halloween fellas.

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  33. A 'head' reservoir for extra beer? hahahaha! This must be a true story. No one can make up this up.

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  34. Cannibalism, being mean to kids, face punching and beer. All my favorite things. Best part of all...he's wearing his face! =]

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  35. SO sick and wrong. Brilliant!

    Have a good night guys

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  36. Anything that has to do with cannibalizing children has my vote for the best Halloween entry. Cheers, ya sick bastards! : D

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  37. A condom ghost costume? Cool! I know what I'm gonna be next year for hallowe'en!

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  38. Interesting...Redneckville and now I'm With Stupid. Hmmmmmmm. Cheers!!

    Matt-Man

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  40. That has to be one of the most distubring posts you've done, but I love it. Who knew that getting drunk turned people into zombies?? Go figure.

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  41. If there was a condom on his face, how did he eat that child?

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  42. I found today's post absolutely delightful. I thought it was in good taste and perfect for your younger readers.

    Sincerely,
    Jeffrey Dahmer

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  43. See...its a good thing he had that reservoir tip!!! I wish I was as awesome as you guys..

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  44. I want a "ghost" costume for tonight!!! BTW your ugly baby post is my new blog of the month!! check in tomorrow to see your glory!!!

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  45. I really admire the way you interact with children.

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  46. That is one messed up story. Now quit hogging all the jerky.

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  47. I am rethinking having you boys tell my cub scouts campfire stories. You are twisted, but I like it.

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  49. Loved the giant condom costume,.. ahhh I mean ghost costume.

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  50. Oh halloween. Bastard snuck up on me this year. Happy Halloween guys.

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  52. The scary ghost looks like he is wearing a condom...speaking of which, we went to see Ghostbusters in the theater tonight. The entire audience chimed in on the line, "This man has no dick!"

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  53. Oh damn. That hawk must be reading this and enjoying every second of it. Time for you guys to regurgitate!

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  54. When I first read this blog post title I thought it said 'The Tale of the Irresponsibly Drunken Goat' and I was a bit worried when I saw that you were at a youth outreach program. I think that was probably almost as scary as the thought of puking inside the bag over your own head. Well played.

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  55. Damn, I should wear an oversized condom for a Halloween costume next year. Can't wait.

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  56. Haha....well that solves any possibility of you having to deal with that possibly illegitimate child!

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  57. halloween is a bank holiday I feel for you guys! I don't think that kid will look for it's daddy any time soon now, probably the search for a good therapist is higher on the priority list right now!

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  58. Couple things. 1. Hilarity! 2. I signed up for Stumble this shit.com for you. 3. Said website demanded PROVE YOU ARE A HUMAN! Zombie apocolypse much?

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  59. NIGHTMARISH.

    But those kids have got some swag shirts.

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  60. Hey, at least it was a Halloween that they'll remember for the rest of their lives.

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  61. -grin- why is it that half the reason I read this blog is for the comments?

    Haha

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  63. AW! That is a great costume idea! I'll remember it next year when someone else's kid pisses me off...

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  64. Oh that's it, I have to get to America one Halloween just to see what the fuss is all about. Great story, scary ghost costume.

    Also, I must be the blindest person on the planet cause I can't see a stumbled upon button except for up the top and it won't let me click it. :( I will try again later, I promise.

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  65. Haha, great post. I particularly like the picture of the punch through the head! Thanks for posting!!

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  66. You are a sick man :) Happy Halloween! Or two days later, lol. What? I'm behind. Looking forward to the next post

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  67. You are...insane in da membrane (INSANE IN DA BRAIN!!). For real. Stay that way, A'IGHT?

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  68. As an Englishman, I naturally detest Halloween because it's nonsense from over the pond.

    However, tearing off the face of a child and wearing it like a mask is an excellent way to deter trick or treaters from my door.

    Hilarious and helpful, you guys can do it all!

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  71. I was LMAO in the first frame. ( "I like to touch my weiner" & "Are you my daddy?") You guys are great! When my daughter sees me laughing while staring at the laptop screen, the first thing she asks is am I reading your blog?

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  72. I've worked with kids before, and although it was enjoyable it isn't something I could pursue as a career. I ended up letting them beat each other up while talking to some of them about violent video games. This is why it's better when I stay behind a keyboard.

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  73. i loved the haloween mask n timmy beef jerky.. :P

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  74. I like the idea of you dressing up as eachother for halloween, you have to do it. You have to. Also that is one creepy ghost.

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  75. I actually just found this site today. I'm bookmarking so I can keep coming back, this is funny stuff.

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