Monday, October 3, 2011

Killing a Little Time With Dexter

If you've read this blog for a while, you know that we aren't ones to promote much of pretty much anything, besides ourselves. Today, however, we salute the return of the king of TV, Dexter Morgan, whose sixth season debuted last night. If you're unfamiliar with the show, well, it's never too late to get with the program. It's as ruthless and bloody as "Toddlers and Tiaras," but with fewer fat Avon ladies. And the sex perverts aren't the judges, they're the ones being judged...by a butcher knife. 

So, because he's the best there is at what he does, we invited Dexter over to the blog to help us kill off a few of the TV shows living on the other end of the shitty spectrum.  












Our first request? 2 and a Half Men. Now, ironically enough, 2 and a Half Men has been dead since Charlie Sheen left, but we figured our good buddy Dexter could seal the deal and finally put an end to a sitcom that has been so wildly popular despite being so dreadfully unfunny.




























What show would you kill off?

Cheers and stay classy, friends,

-Bryan and Brandon

Beer: Avalanche
Music: The Killers

80 comments:

  1. "The cameraman must have knees of steel."
    That right there = Genius.

    At least there is hope for the future when it comes to TV with shows like Game of Thrones and The Borgia. And hopefully Joss Whedon will throw something for people to form a cult over again soon.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm completely screwed on this one boys. I don't own a telly box and I have no idea who these people are. I'll have to trust your judgement here. If you say they're peckerheads, I'll stand behind you all the way.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Aaah, I'm so glad he killed off Glee as an extra favour. Cannot stand their shitty remixes and their saccharine happiness.

    I also really, really don't understand why 2 and a Half Men is so popular. I watched a few episodes, and they did not make me laugh a single bit.

    The only hope for TV is HBO - that's where all the gold is. As for reality shows - I want every single one of them killed off.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Can Dexter off Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz too? Oh and take Nate Berkus along as well.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear Dexter,

    Please see attached list to detach

    - Masterchef
    - X Factor
    - [country]'s got talent
    - [country] idol
    - Farmer wants a wife
    - Any sort of renovating show that has ever existed (including Home Improvements with Tim Allen)

    Cheers,

    Rusty

    P.S it is by no coincidence that they are all reality shows...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Justin Bieber may not be a part of a reality TV show, but yeah. Justin Bieber. You know whats funny too? My brother and I were just having the fat = funny conversation yesterday. were you guys reading my damn mind? lol.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I would kill Big Brother :-/ It has lead to a similar theme based tv show in India >:<

    ReplyDelete
  9. "This is me coming at you, bro". I loved that line. I haven't actually watched Dexter, but I think after killing off the shows you did, the world might be better, but we still have X-Factor and the various Idols and Got Talent's that need to go too.

    ReplyDelete
  10. So many shows to kill, so little time.

    Americas Got Talent
    American Idol
    X Factor
    Etc. (but The Voice rocks, dont touch that one)

    The network known as MTV.

    Greys Anatomy

    Dr. Phil

    Oh this list may never end....

    ReplyDelete
  11. That last line killed me: "Those camera men must have knees of steel." I've thought the same thing!

    And thank you, Dexter, for taking care of those shows. I thought I was the only one who hated Glee, but am glad to be proven wrong.

    The world is truly a betterp lace now.

    ReplyDelete
  12. So by the time you guys posted this I was on my 2nd monster and about half way through my work day. Fuck I wish mornings didn't have to come so early in the day. Anyways, Dexter rocks, and you guys rock as well. I think I would have to kill off whitney and those fucking housewives. Im on the same wave with you guys about quality shows. Just read my very first blog called shitter-tainment. I think you will like that one.

    ReplyDelete
  13. 2and half men? Why? When I need a break and need to give my brain little timeoff I watch this show.
    Why there isnt any realityshow in this list? Please, please, please can you ask him to kill some reality show creeps?
    bartender, top model, tailor, janitor, stripper - phew god..
    Last line - epic.
    "Cameraman must have knees of steel and the viewers have their brain of wood".

    ReplyDelete
  14. I think Dexter should kill of The Playboy Club and Charlie's Angels, but they might just die on their own. So glad the new season of Dexter started.

    ReplyDelete
  15. You killed off Jersey Shore for me. That's more than enough.

    My only regret is that I couldn't do it myself.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dexter is by far the best show on. People who aren't watching it? Well I just feel sorry for them.

    I agree with Annabelle! Any "talent" show can just be done away with. Dancing with the stars included. And yes, MTV. Dear God make it stop!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Well you covered Glee and Jersey Shore, could you add anything where Z list stars dance and anything with reality, people on a diet or mothers hooking their kids out....or people sing and are embarrassed. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  18. If anything I want revival of shows. Firefly :(
    While I know Battlestar Galatica has ended, I still want more of it.

    ReplyDelete
  19. We have a tv series on over here at the moment called 'seven dwarves'.
    It's about 7 vertically challenges persons living together during panto season.
    It's the worst tv I've ever seen! What were they thinking?!

    ReplyDelete
  20. OMG you guys are so fucking funny! Good choices! Glad you didn't kill MY favorites like "The Good Wife" and "Boardwalk Empire" and, um...that's it.

    ReplyDelete
  21. gawd I love dexter, using his powers for the greater good...

    I really have to start watching it again, stopped after the 3rd season I think.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I think the fact that I am not too aware of any of these shows (I mean, I am aware of their existence) confounded me a little bit.

    However, midgets with pythons? I'd watch that. I just can't tell your sarcasm from actual storylines of reality shows.

    I think your digital clock is broke, but at least it is right 2 times a day. (4 if you count 'beer goggles.')

    ReplyDelete
  23. could we kill entire networks????? I feel like that could get me closer to erasing the whole problem..

    ReplyDelete
  24. All in all, I prefer 'Wilfred'... I hope Dexter doesn't decide to off his ass...

    ~shoes~

    ReplyDelete
  25. Haha, YES! Way to go Dexter. And I'm going there, might alienate a lot of people, but I'm doing it. Can he also hack up Modern Family while he is at it?? Bad over acting just does nothing for me. Ooops forgot how many people love that show ;)

    TexaGermaFinlaNadian
    Nobody Need Wait

    ReplyDelete
  26. Interesting fact: The actor that plays Dexter and the actress that plays Debra used to be married. They divorced sometime in the last season.

    Thanks for taking care of those TV shows. There is a long list of other shows that need to go too but Dexter is only one man.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Kill all reality TV please! Which is virtually the only thing on TV. That's why I don't watch much TV anymore. Start with Survivor and just work your way down, saving The Biggest Loser for last. All those fat whiny people would be a great finale to the death of reality shows!

    ReplyDelete
  28. I never did watch dexter I tried but didnt get the appeal it seems to have for everyone else

    ReplyDelete
  29. Jersey Shores was at the top of my list but you beat me to it :) I would say any of the real houswives shows would be pretty high on the list as well.
    I love Dexter but the anxiety gets to me after a while. By the end of the season, I'm always sure he's going to get caught. Isn't it weird how TV and movies can make you like a serial killer?

    ReplyDelete
  30. Haven't seen Dexter yet but will have to. The two main shows I've been watching lately are Doctor Who and Modern Family. Both are pretty good!

    Jersey Shore definitely needs to go.

    ReplyDelete
  31. This is great! I love the idea of killing all these lousy TV shows that are on TV. What's with people/networks and their low standards??? I'm just so over these shows that are trying to be funny and are just lame lame lame. They insult my intelligence.

    There's a new reality show on that I got sucked into the other day. I was half making fun of it and half fascinated that these people actually existed. It's called "Dance Moms" or something like that and it's on Lifetime. I recommend you check it out. The dance instructor might prove a source of inspiration for future posts!

    ~ Angela
    grahamandangela.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  32. lmfao! Deb! The first time I laughed, then he killed all the crappy tv shows and I was happy! There's nothing like this type of happiness! :D

    ReplyDelete
  33. I can proudly say I have never watched a single episode of Jersey Shore and now, thanks to Dexter, I never have to worry.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Please kill off Manswers on Spike TV. My husband will be devastated but I will be forever in your debt.

    ReplyDelete
  35. "This is me comin at you bro!" bwahahahahaha

    And if Dexter has time would it be to much to ask that he go ahead and off "16 and Pregnant"

    @angela...holy shit that dance moms bitch is crazy!! lol Not that I watch it or anything....I mean I'm a dude and whatnot so I do dude shit but it was on once and I saw it or something like that...huh?

    somebody told me that you have a boyfriend...that looks like a girlfriend... that I had in February of last year.....

    ReplyDelete
  36. Flippin' brilliant. He needs to kill Dancing with the stars. I don't watch but having to read the headline "Nancy Grace Nip Slip" made me black out for several minutes before waking in a pool of vomit.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I was very happy to see Snookie go....Stupid idiot said that the ocean was so salty from all the whale sperm....I wouldn't have used a knife to kill her, that was way too humane............I would have bludgeoned her to death with an encyclopedia ;)

    ReplyDelete
  38. Talk about killing - I just read in an interview that you guys are good at killing off zombies.
    http://hasidicplumber.blogspot.com/2011/10/nightly-chatter-interview-with-miss.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+NightlyChatterWithYourHasidicPlumber+%28Nightly+Chatter+with+your+Hasidic+Plumber%29

    ReplyDelete
  39. Your picks for shows to kill is astounding. Pretty much everything after Jersey Shore is icing on the cake.

    ReplyDelete
  40. so this is HIM!!! a friend of mine also loves dexter morgan. i didn't know he's a killer of killers LOL. i don't like glee either, so gay haha!
    Can't stop thinking of debra's dog face! hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  41. You could kill whitney cummings and that two broke girls show, followed by the office (so people will just shut up about it already) then for a apartiff(auto-correct wants that to be apartheid racist auto-correct) Jay Leno. I say Jay on principal, cause that guy is kind of a dick.

    ReplyDelete
  42. I agree with convictus, in part. Someone needs to rip of Whitney Cummings head and scream at it until it undersatnds its not funny.

    And, I'm probably gonna make myself really unpopular, but...

    Seth McFarlane has GOT to go.

    Family guy has become an irrelevant joke, American Dad is fast following, HELL, last week, he was plugging and ALBUM of his.

    Last I checked, he doesn't go stand up, so I'm assuming its him 'singing'.

    ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?! He can't sing on key to save his life, and even my neighbor with a coclear implant knows that!!!

    And I'm getting really tired of Fox's Sunday night line up being a "Let's see who Seth McFarlane Sold His Soul To" time.

    Time for that bull crap to end.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Have to agree with killing Jay Leno. The man hasn't been funny once in his career. His best bits are ones where he lets others do all the work for him.

    ReplyDelete
  44. OMG! You guys started following me! I feel so honored! :D This is better than the time I met Sean from Boy Meets World at my brother's wedding! (true story)

    I've been plotting to kill the cast of Jersey Shore for sometime now. Thank you Dexter for doing the dirty work for me.

    ReplyDelete
  45. And here I thought having Dexter killing serial killers was awesome enough, but you guys came up with another great job for him. Well, not exactly a "job", he does kill for fun, but you know what I mean. Anyway, I say that we need more Dexters in the world! :)

    Everyone's suggestions of shows to be killed are fine by me. Never even watched most of them, just seeing the commercials irritates the hell out of me.

    Btw Bryan, some network decided that since you're so happy with your in-laws they are going to show the world what 'reality' really is by giving us the in-laws from hell. Hmm , ok, that's the show I want Dexter to kill, preferably even before it premiers. Go Dexter!

    ReplyDelete
  46. Genius - as ever.

    I would kill all the soaps. Not that I watch them, I don't. But if you killed off the soaps then the morons who watch them might kill themselves and then the world would be a better place.

    One request though - I love Dexter but series 5 has only just finished here - please no spoilers :)

    ReplyDelete
  47. lol i dont know why i feel that i need to mention this, but have u heard of that hockey player that has beat cancer 7 times? i dont remember his name but when i heard that before a game i was like "WTF MAN, hes hunting cancer down to beat it". true story.

    ReplyDelete
  48. YAY!!!
    I love Dexter. And his sister does look like that dog. And seriously, someone needs to kill off the Jersey Shore cast.
    I also watch the midget show. I love them little people. :)

    ReplyDelete
  49. My 2 Pesos: It's okay if you like Glee. I'd promise not to tell anyone, if I thought they would give a shit.

    ReplyDelete
  50. I'm so glad you killed Jon Cryer, he is a whiny little bitch. Also the resemblance between that dog and Debra is in fact, uncanny.
    I guess if i had to ask a few shows for you to slay, i'd like to see American Idol and all of those talent shows gone. You can leave Simon Cowell alive though, he is a flying douche but at least he is somewhat funny.

    ReplyDelete
  51. It's killing me that Dexter's starting but I can't watch until the DVDs come out. (I don't get Showtime.) But I fully support his campaign of Lame Showicide. Thank you for offing Glee and JS. Now just add all the housewife shows and shows where people sing (badly).

    Oh, and lay off poor Debra. She may be annoying but she's pleasing to look at. Poor thing just can't scare up a nice date though...

    ReplyDelete
  52. Mr. RK loves that show, and has read all of the books. He told me I'd think it was too bloody...but if Snooki got whacked, I'd definitely watch it.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Well, I have no TV and haven't watched any of these shows. So I have no clue who these characters are, except for Dexter. Netflix thinks I would enjoy the show. I just can't help wonder though, can his sociopathic urges channeled into vigilantism be stoked so that he kills himself?

    ReplyDelete
  54. Thank goodness someone else thinks 2.5 men is a lame show. The only laugh they deserve is the laugh track.

    ReplyDelete
  55. "yeah buddy!" absolute genius! killem all!

    ReplyDelete
  56. Damn...I apparently should have been watching Dexter! I loved this post...as always. I would most definitely kill of the ones you picked and add Bachelor/Bachelorette, 16 & Pregnant, and The Real Housewives of Where the Fuck Ever! I swear they make me pray for days before TV was invented.

    ReplyDelete
  57. HE KILLED THE GLEE CAST?

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

    I will never forgive you two. Unless you post a comic of you two in matching yellow bikinis. Then, maybe.

    Also, your blog is really growing exponentially. I'll have to start worshiping the two of you.

    ReplyDelete
  58. "The dangers of owning a python." Great line.
    I'd kill any show that's gone on too long.
    Survivor, Great Race, House, Desperate Cougars (close enough), Simpsons (it pains me to say), Jay Leno...okay, now I'm just working up a rage.

    ReplyDelete
  59. My request:

    Anything with any kind of connection to Tyler Perry.

    Tyler Perry.

    Anything connected to George Lopez.

    Oh wait, that's done. Nevermind.

    ReplyDelete
  60. I know which one: Paris Hilton's My New BFF!!! Please, it's such a crappy show!

    ReplyDelete
  61. Everything about this post is amazing!

    ReplyDelete
  62. Please kill off MTV on general principles.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Hahahahahaha!! OMG i'm beginning to sound like a broken trumpet but your posts always crack me up! please kill off shows like the bold & beautiful, or is it "days of our lives"?? that show has been running for ages!

    ReplyDelete
  64. sooooo many comments. And now with my awful head, I cant remember what I was going to say.
    So I am just going to say "love you guys, awesome post that made me giggle" (forgive me? I have cake.)

    ReplyDelete
  65. You need not kill anyone or any show for me, but if you could burn every tape of every Golden Girls episode so they no longer run in syndication, I would be most appreciative. Cheers!!

    Matt-Man

    ReplyDelete
  66. whoa whoa whoa...this shit just got real......"Golden Girls" is an american treasure! You take that back right now Mr. I'm with stupid.....or I will be forced to thrash you!

    ReplyDelete
  67. Teen Mom can go. Along with Little Couple and I Didn't Know I was Pregnant. Hmm...Sister Wives, Hoarding: Buried Alive, Say Yes to the Dress. I've never actually seen any of these shows, but thought I'd check the guide on my TV to find shows for Dexter. It really looks like TLC could go all together. MTV is a waste. I just read that the Playboy Club officially got axed. I noticed someone mentioned that show. Good news for you. All TV doctors should start sleeping with one eye opened too. Dexter's on the prowl!

    ReplyDelete
  68. not such a far leap from serial killers deserving to die to people with lower aesthetic standards deserving to die. i'm sure he'd do it.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Awww I miss Michael C Hall as a gay funeral director. Although I do kind of wish that Dexter would travel back in time to the alternate world of HBO and kill his own mother Ruth in 6 Feet Under. God I hated her.

    ReplyDelete
  70. Please do the world a favor by having Dexter kill Rachel Ray. I can do without her annoying man-voice, pants that don't fit, E.V.O.O., and G.B. (garbage bowl, and any other annoying abbreviation she invents for common household items.

    ReplyDelete
  71. (garbage bowl)*** annoying abbreviations***

    Yikes I can't type today!

    ReplyDelete
  72. i would definitely kill jersey shore. i've never seen such utter trash

    but i'm looking forward to walking dead! 8 days!!

    ReplyDelete
  73. I love you guys! "Snooki still looks like a rancid luau hog" Ah-MAH-zing!!

    Keep being completely awesome!!

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  74. Two and A half men is to TV what Tom Chaney was to True grit - A Bandit on the run that needs to get killed swiftly before good old folks die silently in front on their TV screens. I love the series but without Charlie Sheen in it, Its like watching Two and a Half Kids and underage Binge Drinking.

    ps: Bring Back Stargate Universe!!

    ReplyDelete
  75. A friend has most of the Dexter DVDs, but I owe him a favour so I doubt I'll be getting a loan of them anytime soon. I'd probably kill off Big Brother, but I won't say no to banning re-runs of 2 and a half men. What a horribly old fashioned comedy, it's ridiculous that a show that still used canned laughter was on the air for so long.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Dexter is my GOD xO xO

    #thekillerthemesong xD

    ReplyDelete
  77. Hahaha so many awesome lines in this one I can't pick!

    ReplyDelete
  78. Awesome stuff! Perfect expressions on Dexter's face! lmao!

    How's about killing Grand Designs please? (oh please do!) It really hurts (on the rare occasions that other people force me to watch this) to see all these pretentious dicks spending sheer fortunes on houses I'll never be able to afford. I just don't want to know and therefore think this show should be killed?

    ReplyDelete