Thursday, October 13, 2011

Chicago Bound

         So today I'm flying out to Chicago to visit Brandon, marking the first time I've ever been to Chi-town.
         I'm excited for it. I'm also curious what cool places I'll finally get to see. Maybe I'll get to see the Sears Tower. Or Millennium Park. Or maybe I'll go to my first Chicago Blackhawks game, which would be a lot of fun as a huge hockey fan. My only concern, of course, is that Brandon doesn't know a lot about hockey...













5 minutes later, upon stepping into a dark, abandoned warehouse...





 



 

 






And from that day on, Brandon never mistook a ball for a puck again. Also, and perhaps more importantly, he learned never to ask for hockey tickets by dialing an operator located in the ghetto.

I'll be back next week to report on how my trip went!

Stay classy, friends,
Bryan

Mood: A little violated
Beer: Amber Bock
Music: Pendulum

75 comments:

  1. I can't wait for your post next week. The two of you together on the loose in Chi-town. I've already rung up mayor Emmanuel to warn him. He said the city is going to go up to a hightened state of alert in anticipation of your arrival. Have a great time and be safe.

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  2. As a Canucks fan, I must hiss at all things Blackhawks related:

    HHHHHIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

    Now that that's over with, who is this operator and how do I reach him? I love me some oreo's!

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  3. I actually laughed out loud. Have fun in Chicago and I hope you do get to see a real Blackhawks game, and come away unraped. I also really want a Dave Chapelle GPS now.

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  4. The moral is know your bloody sports, pucks....my arse.

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  5. :D I haven't been to Chicago :) But I went to Boston and saw Red (S)ocks everywhere :D

    #_#
    The Booby Toons

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  6. Why is on a stool!?! Why is he on the...~sob~
    He did try to make your trip memorable. Asking to go to a Bears game probably would have lead you to giant hairy gay dudes...man, Chi-town is ripe for sports related gay sex puns. Hope I didn't ruin the surprise for the follow-up.

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  7. I always thought that midgets had long dongs. Thanks for making it clear that being a midget doesn't grant you a humongous penis, whether you are black or not.

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  8. Ok, million dollar idea, invent an app or something you can put into your GPS to actually make it sound like Dave Chappelle. Actually, even better, make it a Charlie Murphy voice over. You can thank me when you are rolling in the dough!
    Have a great trip and enjoy the hockey ;)
    TexaGermaFinlaNadian

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  9. That's just awesome! Damn those GPS gadgets! Glad you made it out before big nasty got to you!

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  10. I think I laughed five times. Make it six. No, it was just five. But five is still pretty good. I don't usually laugh more than four times.

    And Coors Light, well, it is basically just water. Good job.

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  11. Ha! You are too right about Coors Light tasting like beer flavored water. And the last screen shot of the Black-cocks is priceless. As always, I was glad I stopped by.

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  12. LMBO...

    I needed this just before heading out to teach a boring bunch of students!!!

    ~shoes~

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  13. Bahaha! I loved the Coors Light comment.

    Have a great trip! I hope that you *do* get to check out a Blackhawks game. I heard Toews has the moves like Jagger.

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  14. Water in a beer bottle so it tastes a little like beer. Basically Coors. Pity it's so long, it could make an excellent shirt.

    As for your trip, I hope that doesn't happen. You should just make the calls yourself and not get raped by giant L shaped roosters.

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  15. well that was way longer then expected x)

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  16. @JOutlaw: What kind of Canucks fan are you? When you don't like something, you don't complain. You riot!

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  17. I think you've pegged the next wave in GPS: Celebrities!

    You could have Britney Spears (will get you to a mall, probably not a library); Mickey Rooney ("You're going too damn fast, you whipper snapper! Slow the hell down!); Rush Limbaugh ("Look at all the liberals out there, stopping traffic! They're all liberals!"), and so on and so forth.

    You could also get some commentary about whether you REALLY want to go where you're headed.

    Fantastic.

    You could earn literally DOZENS of dollars with an idea like that...

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  18. Love the way you blacked out the parts in the last one! Good luck with, um, Oreos. I mean your trip!

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  19. Glad you boys are safe... tee hee. Funny story and looking forward to hearing more.

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  20. That's what you get for dialing fo' one one.

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  21. drinking and backseat driving, Classic. In Colorado the passengers can have road beers. I think Texas too!

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  22. Brandon's driving is outstanding! I think I might even pay to be in a car with him, just to experience the white knuckle ride. Looks better than any rollercoaster I've been on.
    Gutted you guys didn't stay any longer. I was looking forward to the... ermm... show?

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  23. Sing it with me now, "Re-united and it feels so good!!!"

    The Dave Chapelle GPS is frickin awesome. Now I really want one. Too bad they aren't real.

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  24. HA! I have a post about gangbangs set to go up in a few days....
    anyway, there's a lot of irony here. (none of which makes sense to you, I know).

    CHICAGO! I was in Chicago like 3 weeks ago :)
    And I will without a doubt be back soon :)

    It's a neat-o town. The Navy Pier, the Palmer House Hilton, that weird little not-really casino, And its probably even better if you have friends there :)
    (I went for work, so I was by myself, but thats never stopped me!!!)

    WAAHOO!
    :)
    Jen

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  26. Where can I buy that GPS? I don't even have a car but I'd carry it around in my pocket and let it shout abuse at me every time I went for a walk.

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  27. I wonder how well that GPS would be in a country other than America? Possibly more funny?
    I'd love to hear them try to say some of the place names over here.

    I've yet to go to Chicago. I actually don't know a lot about it but now I know what to avoid. ;)

    Hope you have a great trip.

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  28. Blackawks hahaha.. The dave chapelle GPS needs to be a real thing. Like now.

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  29. On a road trip to Montreal a few months ago, my friend had a Flavor Fav GPS. It was the funniest thing ever! Even if we were driving for miles straight he would randomly say something, either about his 'new show' or tips on driving. And didn't we get a earful when we mad wrong turns. Hilarious!

    Have a great time in Chi-Town. :)

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  30. So that's where Dave Chappele went. Which leads to that new t.v. show

    DWTS: Driving with the Stars.

    Funny stuff as always, enjoy the trip!

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  31. Dont kid yourself.... I saw you check out my junk!!.... and I think you likey!!1

    Sincerely,
    Blackcock in the middle

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  32. That seems more like my friends iPhone GPS than a Flarmin. It gets you...someplace.

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  33. Too busy laughing at the 'blacked out' bits to leave a coherent comment.

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  34. Haha! I like to snuggle after. Too funny!

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  35. lmao that water in beer bottles, isnt that from its always sunny in philadephia? if not than that is classic. i should try that. cause cops love me enough as it is.

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  36. Love that GPS- but I don't think I'll be listening to it!

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  37. Touché , indeed. And water in beer bottles? Genius.

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  38. I was wondering what happened to Dave Chappelle!

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  39. I can see where the confusion happened. Blackhawks does sound very similar to Black Cocks. An honest mistake. ;D

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  40. Chicago will be no less than delightful. And, depending on your time, there is a really cool little hologram museum there you should check out. Won't disappoint.

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  41. You boys should really try walking on the wild side for once.

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  42. i highly recommend "myopia books".

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  43. your last picture is the most epic picture i have ever seen. ever. also...TURN LEFT NIGGA! you never fail to make me laugh.

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  44. And that's why I never follow Dave Chapelle to abandoned warehouses.

    Not again.

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  45. :))))))) gay black cocks orgy. looooooooooooooooool.

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  46. You should have stayed! It would have made for a really good follow-up post!

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  47. bwahahaha I love the censored bit hahahaha, brilliant. Also I know nada about hockey but I wont ever forget that they are called pucks now.

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  48. Nice! I'm going there for a wedding next month... also a first time visit.

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  49. Another great post! Keep up with the excellent blogging! You're really good at it! - http://www.d22-zone.com

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  50. Thank you so much for bringing back little gay brown man. The addition of afro long dong and silent sporty drag queen is pretty great too.

    Have a fun visit! Don't get raped!

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  51. Good thing you didn't use that service to ask where you can find the Bears.

    Freakin' hilarious post. Hope you get to see a BlackHAWKS game.

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  52. Sounds like you're fucked either way if you guys ever go to Calgary . . .


    And the obligatory . . . . .Go Avalanche.

    BTW, we lost our first game in a shootout on Monday. I missed my penalty shot. Sonofabitch.

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  53. oh Chicago. I miss it. I grew up in it's suburbs.

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  54. Aww i've been away from blogsville for a while and i've terribly missed your posts! The crazy black man in the gps thingy though?? LOL!

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  55. "a lot of pucking" sent me over the edge. lmao!

    I have drank a Coors Light before but I don't like any beer, all of it tastes nasty to me, so I can't tell the difference. You are probably thinking, oh hell, that bitch shouldn't even be reading our blog!

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  56. awesome as always. have an amazing time in Chicago. I only know it from the tv shows and movies but it looks like a great place to be.

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  57. Sat-Nav systems always intimidate the shit out of me, so I tend to switch them off.

    I haven't played hockey since I was, like, 8. So the interracial orgies are pretty new to me.

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  58. The last slide was the best of the bunch. Enjoy Chicago and kick Ditka in nuts for me...if you see him.

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  59. O.m.g.


    I think you might just be my hero.

    Funny as hell.

    -JD

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  60. I sure wonder what Dr Freud (AKA Dr Fraud) would have to say about this little adventure... :)

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  61. I applaud the lengths (yes, penis puns!) at which you went for the black cocks joke. Was worth the 5 minutes spent in this dark room!

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  62. That was so racist. Loved it.

    As a Canadian, I feel ashamed whenever people talk about hockey, since I should know about it.

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  63. Pendulum and amber bock. Oh boy, Chicago will never be the same. It's about time Bryan gets his little granola ass out there, don't you think? Don't corrupt him too much, though--I like him when he's worried about the driver. And tell him to go easy on the hot dogs. Poor guy--those'll take him down before the beer does. ;)

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  64. My favorite part of this post was that water = Coors Light. Yes, yes it does.

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  65. So that's what happened to Dave Chapelle! - haha, gold.

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  66. Heh, I have to go to Chicago tomorrow. Is it still going to be there?

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  67. So, you hate blacks,hawks or just blackhawks?
    I need to add R label to your posts hereforth.
    What GPS you have? Mine has a crazy lady voice.

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  68. I would love to have a GPS which could give me directions in local area accent.
    - Nigga turn left
    - Bastardo, turno lefto
    - Namaste, comb ahhgain
    - Hey mate, arent we turning for fish and chips?

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