Thursday, September 8, 2011

Bad Luck Streak in Catholic School

                Hey, guys! Today we'd like to invite you all to step into our time machine. Yes, I know it’s cardboard, wiseass, just hold your tongue (and your farts, please) and make room for everybody else, because we’re about to travel back to that monumental day when Bryan and I first met. Long before we would become blasphemous, beer-swilling bards, we were just two odd little boys sitting in a Catholic Catechism class…





















Cheers,
-Brandon

Beer: Goose Island - Honker’s Ale
Music: Warren Zevon

85 comments:

  1. Not blasphemous enough for my taste. :)
    I also think Jesus is a zombie, and scream HAPPY ZOMBIE JESUS DAY!! every Easter.
    It's a tradition. I'm a Pope. HAIL ERIS.

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  2. Awww such cute little boys. So where can I get some of those cute purple shoes?

    ( love the way you guys time your posts so I get a bedtime giggle)

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  3. Christ, that brought memories of lunatics in black, penance on my knees in the corridor, the beatings, the going to hell speeches, body of christ, throwing chairs, catholic brother meltdowns, luckily I was an ugly large child.....Christ, I need a moment.

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  4. hahaha. So funny.
    Looks like Jesus united you both in Church predicting the future.
    And Brandon had facial hair when he still had his actionfigure toy in his hand?
    So, passing out didnt start in bars.
    May the lord forgive you both for such blasphemy.

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  5. This brought back some unfortunate memories of grade school. I was such a little asshole and was told so on a regular basis, but I think that I turned out ok.

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  6. I like how even as kids you had sideburns and stubble. Congrats on finishing the novella too guys. I hadn't considered the idea that the easter rabbit might be Jesus as some sort of bunny wereworlf. My mind is blown.

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  7. I believe it's a rite of passage for all young Catholics to discuss the philosophical implications of Zombie Jesus and Holy Cannibalism.

    But Werebunny Jesus is brilliant - I love this new theory.

    I truly honestly actually received a brilliant letter from our Catholic friends. It made me laugh so hard I had to post it. You can see it here if you're interested...

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  8. Aw man, I remember actually getting kicked out of class by my religion teacher for telling him that Jesus must have been a zombie! He was not amused and by the look in his eye, he really wanted to bring back corperal punishment because of it!

    Love the post lads!

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  9. Ohh well, quite interesting kids. Bryan was rocking the mullet and had an ALF doll but Brandon had his rough look even as a kid with a TMNT doll. Brandon the smart one, Bryan the eloquent comedic genius. I always thought you were brothers though hahaha i guess you weren't.
    I thought that beer of the day was going to be yoohoo milk or something :P

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  10. haha! haha! Jesus=zombie. haha. i love it. mini bryan and brandon are too cute!

    - Juliet x

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  11. Yeah, I was always pretty sure the church approved of cannibalism....who else tells you to eat someone's body and drink their blood?

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  12. you guys do look cute as kids! and i totally believe you stole wine from the priest! a bit blasphemous though.

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  13. Ah yes, church. Encouraging underage drinking for hundreds of years yet dont allow the use of condoms. Riiiiiiiight...

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  14. I can't wait to share this with my Sunday school class! Definitely my favorite blog!

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  15. That is awesome. I never realized Jesus was a zombie. I can't wait for that movie.

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  16. And thusly was the duo of A Beer For The Shower born.

    HNNNNNG, this cardboard box is too friggin' small. Or we're too friggin' big in here.

    Seriously, get a bigger box dammit! Someone's grabbin' one of my penises, I swear to gizzawd.

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  17. Wow, and I thought I was a nightmare at Sunday School... I just asked dumb questions like "Why can't my dog go to heaven?"
    Zombie Jesus. I aspire to your blasphemous imagination.

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  18. Thank you for explaining Blashphemy so well...Dictionary didn't do justice to this word :)

    Fun post :) Am not christian so I do not mind Blashphemy...

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  19. Blasphamy, a word used way too much in private schools! My suggestion was that we build the biggest cross during Christmas to get more people to think our church was awesome. So I was all "lets just nail these 2X4's together and put them in front of the church" My mom got called and there was a meeting. They used the word Blasphamous and I was like 9.

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  20. I'm so stoked you included an ALF doll into that comic. Alf was the shit.

    Props for your zombie comparison as well; it's just too bad the pastor (father?) couldn't admit what was what and just say that Jesus=zombie...

    I made it 3 days in a catholic high school once. That was it.

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  21. It genuinely horrifies me that I never thought of Jesus as a zombie before, because that is just... so epic.

    And in retrospect, obvious.

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  22. Jesus Werebunny, sweet bride of satan watch out for a smiting. Still hilarious, I demand mspaint pictures of said Jesus Werebunny!

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  23. I cannot believe that I never thought of Jesus as a zombie!! It's so obvious now!!

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  24. This idea must be pitched to George A. Romero! I'd love to see what that man could do with a brain sandwich eating zombie werebunny, a very distraught (and understandably so) priest and two very odd little boys drunk off communal wine. Quite the imagination, and I can't believe I haven't heard this zombie idea before! Thanks for a new perspective.

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  25. Zombie Jesus and Catholic cannibalism are always classics. I never thought of Were-bunny Jesus, though. Good stuff.

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  26. I always thought Jesus was more of a vampire, you know with all the charm, walking on water, and blood drinking.

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  27. Wow, thank you. I just found a new theory to throw against my religious friends.

    Night of the living dead: Bethlehem sounds like something that would be showing on a late night re-run. Congrats on finishing the novella.

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  28. Night of the Living Dead: Bethlehem?! Too funny. And I love that you included an Alf doll. Brought back so many memories of my childhood.

    Also, I've always wondered how the Easter Bunny became a part of the whole holiday. Not that I don't love any excuse to gorge on candy, but it doesn't make much sense.

    ~ Angela
    grahamandangela.blogspot.com

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  29. Haha, I sure like the idea of Jesus being a zombie more than the religious stuff; I also felt kind of nostalgic seeing the Alf.

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  30. The phrase "Young man, such an idea is absurd" coming from a priest made me giggle. He oughta know, they've got the market cornered.

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  31. How cute were you two?!
    I'm all in for drinking at school... can't manage a day without it.
    I'm giving away 10 house points to the kid that can steal the bottle of Rose from my office without me knowing!

    I'm scared that if I laugh at Werebunny Jesus, I may get stuck down with lightning...

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  32. LMAO Y'all are crazy!!! but was that how u really met? :O

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  33. Touching on what Tonja said, if you are eating the transmogrified (transmutated, whatever) body & blood of christ, wouldn't that infect you with the Zombie Jesus Bunny virus?

    Did you really have a doll from Melmac?

    Thanks for making me remember the early years I worked so hard to forget. This particular comic (screw blasphemy) echos the thoughts of many children past and present.

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  34. As a public school kid, a protestantly raised one at that, as much as I can relate to here is that we had a kid in 2nd grade with stubble.

    His name was Dallas.

    I thought he was a monster.

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  35. This makes me extremely glad that I was not forced at any point to attend a Catholic school of any sort.

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  36. haha nothing like some "holy grape juice"

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  37. it's good to see someone finally address this jesus zombie thing.
    The Brownfrowns

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  38. These animations must have taken a while. I could tell that a lot more thought was put into this set when compared to the prior ones.(Not to knock the older ones because they were hilarious.) By describing your first meeting with each other with animations, you gave the relationship somewhat of a curious and playful kind of feel. That kind of bond always great to have. Great job on the entry!

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  39. Eating "Jesus crackers"! Hilarious! You cannibals! Even God is laughing at this post! Keep up the good work!

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  40. I love that preschool Brandon has facial hair! hahaha. What sweet children you were...thank goodness for Zombie Jesus for bringing you together!

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  41. looks like jesus just chaulked up another name to his shitlist. welcome aboard guys! find a spot quick because we are running out of room here, and jesus crackers! I was always skeptical of a guy that lets a bunch of assholes feast on his body, and drink his blood, but now it all makes sense! thanks abfts!

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  42. OMG! On a break and my coworker is going to wonder why I am shaking w/laughter...and I KID YOU NOT, Mr. RK, who has never been to church in his life (let alone Catholic school), asked me the cannibal/zombie question once. I'm an ex-preacher's kid and I have no answer...

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  43. The kiddie you and Bryan drawings are so cute! Look at the innocence in the eyes (and I see that Bryan has a mullet as a kid...).

    My brothers had to go to Catholic school (we're not even Christian, but the school was good or something) and they had to sing these songs praising Jesus every morning. They would just fool around and spend time laughing all the time.

    Btw, would you guys mind telling us a bit more about what kind of books you are writing? I would love to know more. I have read a lot of the previous posts on this blog (not all of them, but several months), but did not find much about the books.

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  44. I was eating a sandwich while I read this and I almost choked on the damn thing. Yer cannibals and yer goin' ta hell. Keep the beer warm, cause I'll be seein' the both of ya there.

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  45. feck, I forgot something. Congratulations on the novella

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  46. Blasphemy? It's not like you said "Jehovah."

    I have to give mad props to anyone that references an obscure Zevon album in their post title.

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  47. You guys are adorable.

    Guys who go to Catholic school ALWAYS turn out to be badass.

    ...Maybe I should go to one.

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  48. Good to see you boys were drunks even then. :)

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  49. As a fellow victim of Catholic school, I have to say that this was AWESOME! Although I think my school must have been progressive, because in the third grade when we all decided we were Aliens no one said a thing.

    Haha. Progressive Catholics. That's an oxymoron.

    Keep it up! You guys rock!

    :)

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  50. If you were jewish you would've never had that kind of problems. A friend of mine got drunk with his rabbi and then went to the go karts with him, and lost to the rabbi. Take that, boring priest.

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  51. poor Jesus looks terrible in that cross sculpture....I'm sure if jesus lived now days he would've had his pals delete that pic of him.

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  52. You both had sideburns as kids? You were precocious tots.

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  53. Ninja Turtles and ALF I get as toys that you had, but did you seriously have one of the wooden-ball-on-a-string-that-you-get-in-the-cup toys?

    Cheers!

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  54. I laughed my ass off at werebunny Jesus (and everything else in this post). Glad to hear more people believe in werebunnies, even if it's in a religious context. ;)

    Oh, and when I drink (2 sips of anything) it totally makes my face feel like awesome too... :D

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  55. Zombie Jesus. I like it. I am so telling my friend from a Catholic school to use that against her God-Nazi Nun Teachers. If you can't tell, I forget exactly what she calls them.

    They should make a werebunny doll. I'm sure that would go over well with the kids.

    You guys are hilarious. And your comics are awesome. Keep it up. :D

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  56. First - that was a lot of comments to scroll through just so I could comment. :)

    More importantly, Alf and Leonardo! Yay. Two of my most favourite shows from when I was younger. Plus, the cartoon child versions of you are brilliant.

    And, finally, I've never been to Church and I'm not sure I would want to drink anything labelled 'The Blood of Christ' or eat anything called 'the boday of Christ'. It's just a little to intimate and really rather creepy!

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  57. Yep, that is how I pictured the both of you as little boys. I noticed the stuffed ALF next to you. I used to watch that with my daughter and she has one and I have all the shows on DVD.

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  58. hahaha nice. This makes me want to drink. I may have a problem.

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  59. Aw, I like your little toys. I used to sizzle Barbie's blond locks into a groovy white chick afro with my hairdryer.

    And ten Hail Mary's? Jeez, you got off easy. ;)

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  60. I've asked exactly the same questions (just not to catholics)blasphemy ftw!

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  61. AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HUMOOUS! I LOVED IT!!!!
    http://roastedalmondsceschi.blogspot.com/

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  62. I think their first mistake was showing up for church in the first place.

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  63. So how did you guys move from being 'wine in school' to 'beer for the shower'?... Do I really want to know?

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  64. hey! you had stubble as a child

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  65. um.... couple thoughts...
    I thought G.I.Joes were for playing with and Barbies were to be tortured. At least on my BBQ they were.
    But more importantly....where can I get me some special wine that is so good it makes your head dissapear? Thats gotta be crazy good!!!

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  66. im new to blogger and this is the first thing i read its hilarious!good job on this

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  67. I hear satan is pretty good at barbeque. Lemme know.

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  68. The very reason why I gave up on catholic church, I could not take their stance on cannibalism (The small portions that they offer are a joke) oh that and I don’t believe in god…if only I had known that there was a Zombie god I might have been a bit more of a believer…

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  70. So Brandon did you experience early puberty ?

    Not many kids in Junior school have a five o'clock shadow.

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  71. This is funny on many blasphemously hysterical levels. Must share.

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  72. Eating Jesus crackers makes us cannibals.... hahahaha! And I like that Alf toy, Bryan!

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  73. I just had to check this one out again. It's so funny.

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