Thursday, September 15, 2011

Adam Sandler and Nick Swardson Need to Stop Making Movies, Part Deux

Hello, folks. As Bryan so subtly mentioned on Monday, Adam Sandler and Nick Swardson are two actors known for pushing the comedy envelope...into the paper shredder. And we've had just about enough of it. So we decided to do something about it, and invited the slapstick schmucks to the blog set for a couple of interventional interviews. In case you're lucky enough to not own a television, here's the stellar preview for "Jack and Jill."




While the stench of that turd is still in the air, let's get on with the interview!

























And that, my friends, is how you give a Mako shark indigestion. Still, a case of industrial strength Maalox is a small price to pay to save the world from another half a lifetime of godawful comedy.

Cheers,

-brandon

Music: Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Beer:Lagunitas IPA


67 comments:

  1. lol awesome as usual! xD I actually liked 'grownups' but the trailor of the above films have put me off completely =@ Sink in peace :P

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  2. I can never forgive him or Harvey Keitel for Little Nicky, you were far too quick with your justice, it should have suffered for days.

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  3. Those poor sharks, couldn't you just have exploded him? Or would that be too messy..
    Anyway, thank you
    He irritates the heck out of me

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  4. Yeah, i knew he could get pretty annoying but no as much as Nick Swardson, although this interview changed my mind.
    The whole thing felt like a James Bond villain giving him the talk before killing, only that this time, the story has a happy ending hahaha

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  5. I didn't know this guy was such a fuckin' gobshite. Well, he's chum now. Remind me never to piss you boys off.

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  6. Ugh, it's like Eddie Murphy in a fat suit. Really? You have to play your sister?

    Toss in some Tums to those sharks, they're innocent bystanders....

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  7. His facial expression is priceless.

    He looks like he just saw a giraffe humping his teddy bear.

    poor guy.

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  8. The sharks must still be full after sacking on Carrot Top. That guy is flipping huge...

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  9. Hillarious! I think we all have been wanting to do that for a long time. What is it with comedians, they all start out funny, but end up like Bill Murray or Chevy Chase, taking themselves way too seriously. The only exception is Carrot Top, who was never funny in the first place and just looks like he's become addicted to steroids and tranny makeup. Thanks for all the laughs.

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  10. It was a mercy killing. You are a great humanitarian.

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  11. Oh Adam, how the mighty have fallen.

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  12. I am just not a fan of these movies, give me explosions any time. At least with Jason Statham you know what you get. A ass kicking balding man with some witty lines!

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  13. Lol. I'm sure Jack and Jill will do well with it's pre-Thanksgiving release date. Unfortunately, I'm certain to have at least two friends ask me to go see it.
    I should make them read this blog post first.

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  14. Unfortunately for actors like Adam Sandler, their aura and physical presence only allow them to be taken seriously in "Comedy" movies. This is certainly not a bad thing. It's actually a state in which one can perfect his talents and skills in that particular genre. The problem arises when these actors hit their peak about ten movies ago and still think they're funny. Sometimes throwing them into a Mako shark tank is what's needed to get them to snap out of it.

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  15. Please tell me you have seen the video on youtube of George C. Scott wincing in pain as he watches the Jack and Jill trailer.

    http://youtu.be/qKSAvNOIaNo

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  16. Well I would have punched him but it looks like the kid did it for me already. Kudos to him for achieving everyone else dreams.

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  17. I am SO calling the ASPCA on you. That, my good friend, is shark abuse!

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  18. I'd like to believe it's over, that the sharks have wiped him from the earth, but I know his magic is dark and evil. I also fear there maybe test tube versions of him growing in some lab.

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  19. Bryan could have lent his Jewish laptop to this guy before throwing him to sharks. And you didnt have to be so cruel to Sharks anyway. They deserve a better meal and now you have polluted the ocean as well.
    Anyway you did good deed to humanity and cine industry, you deserve a statue in gold near hollywood or atleast a star in hollywood walkway.

    B&B of ABFTS-Louis Pasteur of hollywood who found cure for Rabies (Adam Sandler) :)

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  20. Ha! I love the baby talk part. I've never understood why he does that. And I HATED Spanglish. It was weird and depressing. And long.

    ~ Angela
    grahamandangela.blogspot.com

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  21. Excuseeee me but Billy Madison is a classic! Happy Gilmore and Little Nicky were pretty funny too. The rest were just typical Adam Sandler mediocrity. I loved Click and Zohan (Chuck and Larry was pretty funny but I wouldn't invest more time rewatching it), and even Bedtime Stories had surprising funny moments. He's just a little outdated, and yes he needs to stop coming up with horrible film ideas, but I wouldn't ban him completely.

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  22. Don't mess with the zohan! What's the matter you don't like the sticky? Seriously though thanks for that. No maybe some good movies will get made.... opps nevermind Hollywood still exists. Do George Lucas next!

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  23. Love the Adam Sandler talking head...very creative! Thank you for visiting my blog, and for leaving your kind comments!! It is my privilege to follow your site ~ much talent in this blog!! Blessings ~ alice

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  24. Oh Adam, you should have stopped at Billy Madison.

    And wasn't there already a show in the 90's called Jack & Jill? I remember that's where I started obsessing over Amanda Peet... then she got nekkid in Nine and a Half Yards, or something like that, and my brain exploded....

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  25. Hooray! A cinema free of Sandler! Oh great liberators, in your debt are we always. Now only if you could do something about Kate Hudson.
    By the way, I love your Grandma's saying.

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  26. Sad to think that the pinnacle of his career came when he played a gay prostitute on roller skates.

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  27. Just what every interviewer needs. I handy pool full of mako sharks...just in case, right?

    That being said I didn't mind him in Reign Over Me. *Ducks under cover to avoid evil glares*

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  28. I love the fight between Happy Gilmore and Bob Barker. It still cracks me up. I have to agree, his movies lately haven't been that great.

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  29. I live in Florida if you ever think of using Gators in lieu of sharks give me a call and we can work something out lol.

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  30. The baby talk is spot on! His jibberish drives me nuts! Good work!
    Love the trap door into the sharks!

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  31. I think all Adam Sandler has left to do is try his hand at country music, an a desperate attempt to keep from fading into oblivion.

    But in al honesty, oblivion might be good for him. I mean, well. You know. I don't have to repeat everything everyone else has said.

    I will say this, tough;
    'Funny People' made me cry. Not because its a generally sad story, with a generally sad plot and generally sad characters, but because I was so decieved by the title, and thinking that POSSIBLY an Adam Sandler movie would be funny.

    Oh, Jen...how wrong you were.

    :)
    Jen

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  32. A really very interesting read! I hope you keep updating us with more info!

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  33. that, my friends, is an absolute service to humanity.

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  34. The comedy downward trend is a sad trend indeed. We have all these actors that were funny at one point, holding onto that one joke and expecting their next movie to be the funny one. Sigh.

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  35. Clearly, that guy is a comedy genius.

    The problem with killing people like that off - besides the obvious penal implications - is that then they end up being made into bigger-than-life character heroes in death.

    Still, I have to admit that seeing that just now was pretty damn enjoyable.

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  36. LOL! I just vote with my wallet, and simply don't watch movies I don't want to see.

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  37. Watching his decent from funny to pathetic has been pretty sad. I used to really enjoy him...then I realized I was young, stupid, and immature and maybe that's why I liked him so much...then I grew up and his ass didn't. NOTHING is more annoying than that baby talk. I hate sharks but even I wouldn't wish upon them having to ingest that kind of comedic garbage!

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  38. nice. that got a laugh out of me :)

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  39. "Your reign of dumbfuckery has come to an end."

    I am SO using that at work tomorrow.

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  40. When you are syndicated, I'll say I knew you when. Brilliant! And is it me? Or is it a fucking miracle (travesty, really) that this guy reproduced? I mean, who could take him seriously, let alone fuck him?

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  41. R.I.P. Adam sandler, and may your comedic atrocities never haunt the reels of a movie theater again! Although you guys may consider getting those sharks a gig, you could make a lot of money touring across the world eating shitty comedy for breakfast...I'll chaulk that clever pun up to a W, and thank you.

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  42. i'll have to respectfully disagree about "funny people". that was a near-great movie.

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  43. Hahaha, this is an awesome post. I loved 90s Adam. Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison. But what has happened to him. Why does he think he is still funny??

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  44. Bwahaha! LOL. You, my friend, have perfectly captured Sandler. That Swardson guy--I don't even know, and I don't wanna know based on Bryan's interview (which was also brilliant). I think you two guys should get together and do your own movies. And keep this interview gig, too. ;)

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  45. Oh. My. Gosh. I thought the Sandler trailer was mind numbing. Then I watched the Swardson trailer. Truly painful. How do a producer, a studio, a crew, etc. say...YES! That is worth investing my money in. Ouch.

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  46. Honestly, as sang in 'The Gambler', you've got to know when to hold it, when to fold it, when to walk away and when to run. Adam should never have let himself fall this far. Nice! I think the sharks will need sth. stronger than Maalox though. Poor things!

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  47. Don't knock humping an anthill till you've tried it. Also, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club = greatness. Did you know that they got that name from a Maroln Brando movie? WELL YOU DO NOW. Stick with me and your world will just explode(implode) with knowledge. - Ash

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  48. Can you deal with Jim Carey next please.

    Thanks.

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  49. I suppose it would be hard to mess with the Zohan if his face gets ripped off by sharks. The water boy meets his end in H2O. Ironic. Maybe Scuba Steve will save him. It might have been fitting to have an alligator bite his hand off before feeding him to the sharks...that way he'd have known how Chubbs felt back in the day...RIP Chubbs. Do you think his clicker still works? Maybe it would be wise for him to click his way back in time and rethink creating all of his way more stupid than funny movies. Eh...guess he really wants us all to just go with it...

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  50. awwww poor adam. :/ he had it coming though

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  51. Now THAT'S funny! I'm not sure about humping an anthill, though....

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  52. Wish I could go around feeding people to sharks all the time! How satisfying that would be...

    But, I think I would rather watch one of his movies than hump an anthill (especially if it's red ants...)

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  53. 'I think I'd rather hump an anthill' is the best line ever!
    I will be using this often on unsuspecting work collegues.

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  54. Adam Sandler never really bothered me before. Now, every time I see something with him in it, I'll think of this.

    Thanks for ruining 50 First Dates for me. But I guess when you're right, you're right.

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  55. We're...we're saved.

    WE'VE BEEN SAVED, FOLKS!

    THE GUYS AT A BEER FOR THE SHOWER HAVE DONE IT! THEY'VE FINALLY RELEASED US FROM OUR BONDAGE!

    HERE HERE! THREE CHEERS FOR THESE TRUE BROS!

    HUZZAH! HUZZAH! HUZZAH!!!!

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  56. Wow, this is the funniest blog I've read so far!! I completely agree about Adam Sandler, except he was NEVER funny! Not even on SNL!

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  57. i think your comics require more blood and gore. have sandler die a violent death, still a good one though

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  58. "Humping an ant hill" nice!


    Lagunitas IPA............priceless

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  59. I definitely agree that part of everyone thinking he was funny years ago is because we were all young, immature, and possibly under the influence. I did sort of like 50 First Dates, but I know it wasn't good.

    I hope you keep up the celebrity interviews! You may have just opened up a can of tasty, sarcastic worms...

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  60. Great interview. You didn't disappoint!! haha

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  61. adam sandler is hot as!

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