Monday, September 12, 2011

Adam Sandler and Nick Swardson Need to Stop Making Movies, Part I

           Hey, folks! Today's post is a special one because it's the first time we've actually conducted an interview. Or maybe it's better to be called an intervention. But later in the post we'll be talking to none other than Adam Sandler and Nick Swardson, who are here to promote two new abortions they call movies!
           If you're not familiar, this is the movie that Adam Sandler is coming out with soon, called Jack and Jill:


          And unless you live under a rock, this is the new movie that Nick Swardson is coming out with, which is now swamping TVs everywhere with awful previews, Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star:


           What do these 2 things have in common? Well, both of them were made by Happy Madison Productions, aka Adam Sandler, and frankly, they need to stop.
            Now, if you're like me, and you were around for the 80's/90's, you remember when Adam Sandler was funny. He had some good moments on Saturday Night Live--Schmitt's Gay, for example. I still love that sketch; it's hilarious. He had a couple funny movies--Happy Gilmore made me chuckle when I was younger, immature as it was. Hell, he even had a few funny songs--who of us couldn't relate to "Piece of Shit Car?" But now... well, now he's been reduced to the garbage you see above. And what's worse, as he's been steadily climbing the ladder of unfunny, to a level of unfunniness on par with open mic night at the Yuck Yuck Hut or the antics of a backyard birthday party clown, he's been dragging Nick Swardson along with him. It seems Nick Swardson is now in every Happy Madison movie Adam Sandler can get his grubby little hands on.
            So today I sat down with Nick Swardson... to ask him what the fuck is wrong with him.






























         Stay tuned for part 2 on Thursday when Brandon interviews Adam Sandler! And in the meanwhile, what do you think of Nick Swardson? Or his new abomination of a movie? Is Happy Madison going to rape you out of your $10 (or foreign equivalent)?

Stay classy, friends,
Bryan & Brandon

Mood: Pleased with myself
Beer: Sam Adams
Music: City and Colour

79 comments:

  1. Infected mosquito bite that you call a penis.

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    That's how damn funny you guys are.

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  2. I saw that preview at the theater and I looked at my wife and said "is there a rating level worse than "SUCKS BAD"...Dan Patrick stop the Man love for Adam Sandler..I would rather get a root canal and a Brazilian Hot wax at the same time than watch this piece of crap movie..

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  3. The last Adam Sandler film that I actually wanted to see was Funny People, which I actually thought was good. But I guess that falls more into a drama category rather than comedy.

    I do remember back when people thought he was funny, but I've always just found his stuff to be a little bit too immature. For me it seemed like he found something that worked in Happy Gilmore and has just been milking it for everything he could ever since. No trying to branch out and improve or try anything that might be different.

    As for Nick Swardson, I have no idea who he is, and after watching that trailer, I don't want to.

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  4. Dont really know about this guys stuff, but i trust your judgement haha

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  5. That was great. You two should pitch Sandler a movie. My Monday is starting out right. Thanks!

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  6. This cracked me up. I haven't been watching much of Adam Sandler (who I loved and adored) because he's just not what he used to be. One of his better movies in a serious role was "Reign Over Me". Did you see it? I forgot all about it until just now and it had to do with losing his family on 9/11. I thought he ought to try doing other roles besides comedy. He IS a good actor. Missed you guys. Can't wait to see Adam's interview.

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  7. Had never heard of this twat before this and couldn't agree more especially about the rancid arse water Sandler peddles now.

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  8. To be honest, Jack and Jill looks like a funny movie to me. Not 13.36 Euro's funny, but funny. The question I'm askin' is this "When Adam makes a movies about you guys, which one of ya is going to be played by Nick Swardson?" I'm with you on the Nick thing, he's a real arsemonkey

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  9. I'm not even going to comment on the Bucky Larson whatever but Adam Sandler...What annoys me the most is that there is a good chance the movie has a 'message' in the end. I don't need a message in my Adam Sandler movie - I just need to laugh. Although who am I to say what kind of movies he should make? if people are still paying to see them I guess that's their business.

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  10. I'm a little surprised you weren't drinking Schmitt's Gay ;) Oh and for some reason, my eyes get all misty when I'm really embarrassed for somebody, and let me just say that the tears were FLOWING when both of these previews came on. FLOWING.

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  11. Ever since my tv has been raped by these Bucky Lawson commercials I dread hearing that other guy's voice- you know, the one with the lisp...ugh. Really, this is stupid! The last Adam Sandler movie I think I watched was 50 first dates....or Spanglish, can't remember.....

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  12. Oh god my ears hurt just from reading that interview. I seriously just want to punch Swardson in the face.
    We have completely run out of good ideas for movies and who qualifies as a star at this point. This is why I just stick to Turner Classic Movies.

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  13. I'm one of those lucky few who live under rocks and have never heard of Nick Swardson or Bucky Larson. However, I have not been able to escape Adam Sandler.

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  14. some people can cry on cue, you however step it up by dying on cue. That's skill man. lol.

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  15. this was hilarious...

    have you guys made something about Jackass 3.5? If not, please do... http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1753968/ if you have please share the link :)

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  16. Good one. Loved the concept and this guy I dont know much. Anyway I would except Adam Sandler to be roasted and toasted to that level that he doesnt even try to stamp his foot in any movie theatre.
    I should be paid to watch his movies.

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  17. ugh, I saw a trailer for the Adam Sandler abortion, but the second one was even worse. It had actual star power Christina and Don wtf? Sad how dumb our cinema is anymore. Didn't American Film give us Citizen Kane?

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  18. This was a way better interview than Letterman could do.

    - Jay

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  19. this kind of reminds me of the downfall of mike myers. after "so i married an axe murderer" , sad really. if you watch billy madison and then pop in one of his latest cinematic abominations it's confounding how awfull he has become over that period of time. i actually thought there was hope when he made the movie, "funny people" because he actually made light of his bad movie decisions. guys, go back to the drawing board, maybe consider taking your time before producing another flop. great blog guys, so true.

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  20. Was that the guy who used to be in all of the TV commercials? He did all those Capital One ads with David Spade, right?

    I think it's too bad that Farley and Hartman died in the late Nineties, while Sandler, Meyers, Spade, etc. are still free to roam the streets, making movies.

    You need to nail Sandler to the wall. He can't go unpunished...

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  21. You made the poor man cry! I don't know what the movie is like but if it's half as unfunny as you say it is, then it's not as funny as that interview. I loved some of Sandlers old movies, like The Wedding Singer, Happy Gilmore, Little Nicky, but he does seem to keep putting out movies no one asked for now, but in the end, doesn't that happen to everyone?

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  22. Congratulations Happy Madison Productions! You've managed to make not one, but TWO movie trailers that made me never EVER want to see those films. As if 'Grown Ups' didn't do that for me already..... I'd say that someone owes me 4 minutes and 55 seconds of my life back, but this post and it's awesome toons made up for it. Can't wait for part two!

    Cheers! ~ Heather

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  23. Awww, Bryan looks so cute when he is pretending to go green and die from puking :P

    There is no way in hell I am watching that movie, or anything with Adam Sandler in it. I wasn't around in the 80s/90s to see his funny side, and I sure as hell don't want to be around his unfunny side.

    And why couldn't he cast an actual woman to play the part of his sister, rather than dress up in (incredibly unconvincing) drag? Also, Katie Holmes looks like an android, I'm scared she's gonna plug in her batteries in my head.

    I'm sick of all these Hollywood "comedy" movies anyways, they are all rubbish. Not even an ounce of funny :/

    Oh, to reply back to your comment on my blog: that novel idea sounds great! But even thinking about a world without internet (even for the sake of comedy) makes me jittery :O

    Maybe I should work on trying to become homeless to get rid of my addiction...

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  24. @Flippy Doodle: "Maybe I should work on trying to become homeless..." That's the beauty of being homeless: It doesn't take any work at all!

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  25. The promos with that other guy who is in every Happy Madison movie made me want to stop living in this world.

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  26. Sarcasm. It works every time.

    Bryan's hip-waist ratio in this image sequence suggests excellent fecundity.

    You guys get so many comments and still take the time to answer them all. ADMIRABLE. More must be revealed about these epic battle scenes.

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  27. Dear Nick Swardson,

    Please contact Brendan Frasier's agent and ask him how his destruction of the aforementioned's career compares with the primrose path of bullshit you are now walking. It might prove enlightening.

    Remember, the more you know . ..

    Respectfully but seriously,
    Marcus

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  28. Wow, at last, my feelings about his new movie have been put into comic form. I liked Swardson when he was just the funny gay prostitute on Reno 911, but his shtick has worn thin quickly.

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  29. had no idea you had this much rage bubbling beneath the surface!

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  30. Great post....I would totally agree...Adam Sandler needs to stop making movies. Haven't really enjoyed any since early 90's.....not much wit in their humor. You are truly a funny guy!!

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  31. With copious amounts of alcohol anything is possible and/or funny.

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  32. Haha, COMPLETELY agree... that Bucky Larson film reminds me of Simple Jack from Tropic Thunder... a movie that was never a good idea to make, that was made anyway.

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  33. Probably wouldn't have watched it anyway but definitely know to stay away from it now. My insurance coverage isn't so good, can't afford to turn green and bleed.

    Looking forward to the Adam Sandler interview!

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  34. Well, I do miss the old school Adam Sandler and have to admit I haven't seen any of his lastest films. Though they do keep playing 50 First Dates over and over and over again...
    This other guy though, never heard of him. And, due to your 'interview' I might just ignore that he even exists.

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  35. Oh my gosh, I couldn't agree with you more. Adam Sandler needs to stop making movies! He stopped being funny over 10 years ago. He should just go raise his kids and bull dogs with all his millions and leave us in peace.

    Btw, I'm very impressed with your art. I don't know how you do that on the computer. Whenever I use Microsoft Paint, it comes out looking like computer goop.

    ~Angela
    grahamandangela.blogspot.com

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  36. I love Adam Sandler, even though he's been making some really shitty movies lately. And Bucky Larsen? Those commericals are so embarrassing. I don't know who they're trying to market to...

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  37. the explosion face one and his reaction was hilarious, i was snorting out loud and we are watching a program about the tsunami so not so good :D

    i haven't seen adam sandler movies in years, i just know i won't like them

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  38. Whatever to your post!!!! I saw Bucky Larson and loved it!!! It was comedic genius. A fabulous film!!!


    Sincerely,
    Guy who likes Eddie Murphy's recent films

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  39. I so agree. I would love to see Nick Swardson make something good. He was great in Reno 911, and his stand up is fantastic, but man, this movie looks like such utter crap!

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  40. Why the hell would anyone give Nick Swardson a leading role in a movie? He's just a relief at which you chuckle because of his douchenozzleness.

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  41. Nick Swardson is one of the most retarded and annoying actors i've seen lately, seriously. I was expecting a punch in the middle of the face any minute...i was kinda disappointed it didn't happen hahahah

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  42. Saw a review that actually called Bucky Larson the most annoying film Pauly Shore has ever been in. Ouch.

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  43. The other day [copycats ;)] I mentioned on my blog how I was frustrated because of the overwhelming amount of Bucky Larson commercials FLOODING my TV. And how unfunny I thought he was, and how I can't wait for it to flop at the box office to give those of us with melting brains a little bit of relief.

    Some little kid (I mean he HAS to be 18, because I have content warnings and all....eeeep.) e-mailed med to tell me how much of a prude I was for not thinking Bucky Larson was going to be 'EPIC' (his word).

    ME! A PRUDE!? Seriously. He must have noticed what blog he was oogling all day every day...

    ANYWAY, after our back and forths, I looked at the comments he left on my blog;
    "UR sexy."
    "I Want U"
    "daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn girl!"
    And the like.

    So, you know, if thats the market Happy Madison is going for, GREAT, they've probably clearly hit their target audience.
    But they need to relegate the commercials to running during "Pokemon" and "16 With A Kid I can't Afford" and "Keeping up with the Kardashians".

    Leave me and my Bob's Burgers alone.

    As for Nick Swardson;
    Maybe he'll get hit by a bus.
    Fate is funny that way. ;)

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  44. I must live in a cave or something but I've never heard of Nick Swardson. But I did see a commercial for that movie and immediately concluded that it easily looked like the worst movie I'd seen in the last 15 years.

    Looked like one of those SNL skits that come one 5 minutes before the show's over, and they're just trying to kill the time.

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  45. That Nick guy is so f'n annoying! I hate him! Can't wait to see what Adam Sandler has to say!

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  46. Haha. Even if you ended the post at "who are here to promote two new abortions they call movies", I would have still loved it. I think "Jack and Jill" is going to be a real pain to watch. It seems as if its advertisers already played the whole movie in those two minutes and thirty three seconds. I think the trailer will do it for me. "Bucky Larson" isn't even worth mentioning.

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  47. Some of Nick's stand-up is pretty funny, and he's had decent moments in movies. He's also tanked pretty hard, and it looks like this new movie is going to fall harder and faster than the O'Doyle family falling off the cliff in Billy Madison. I do not, however, think Happy Madison will rape me out of $10 because I have no intention to pay to see Nick's new movie. If somebody wanted to pay me to see it, I'd consider, but something tells me sitting through the entire movie would cost us all a few points on our IQ score.

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  48. I miss funny Adam Sandler.

    I was hoping he'd go gracefully into more serious roles (I loved Spanglish and that one where he was the 9/11 widower) but sadly, that doesn't seem to be the case.

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  49. It's look pretty bad, but I may watch a few minutes via Netflix. I loved him on Reno 911. :)

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  50. OK, I must be living under a rock (or planning a big event for Wednesday), but I only saw the first preview. And it looked BEYOND TERRIBLE. I could not BELIEVE Al Pacino took that role. What is he, desperate for cash? And I am rejoicing that this post ended in "part 1," because I can't wait for the sequels.

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  51. I hadn't seen the Adam Sandler Twin movie...that is god freaking awful. I LOVED Sandler on SNL, Billy Madison, 50 First Dates, and even Happy Gilmore but he has gone down the shitter movie wise. The same people are in all his movies and it is getting VERY old. This Bucky Lawson nonsense makes me wish I was deaf and blind...horrendous.

    What happens to comedians? What switch flips that makes them go from hilarious and lovable to making you want to allow rabid raccoon's to feast on your eyes?

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  52. I agree with those above in that I miss the Sandler from the CD's. The movies are just...unfortunate. Nick is a funny person and I refuse to believe that a movie with business hands hooked deep into it are reflective of the talent of those involved. Sandler has no excuse since he has the money and power to make sure these things turn out good but instead allows crap to bare his name.

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  53. All things considered, I actually liked Grandma's Boy. So long as you understand how stupid it's concept is of how video games are made.

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  54. It's an absolute travesty when you have to explain that you're being sarcastic. I wish this were something that only happened in blog comic strips. Oh if only! *sigh* If only.

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  55. Yup and now i really need a beer..

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  56. Like many before me, I have been fortunate to NOT have encountered Nick. It shall remain that way. I miss funny Adam too! These movies are for those long winter nights when you're the only person left on earth and you have tired of repeatedly doing everything else there is to do in a bid to avoid the movie.

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  57. I steer away from Sandler's movies and I've actually never watched one with Swardson.

    And now, I don't plan to.

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  58. I'm so sick of Adam Sandler it is even less funny than he is. No matter how great a movies supposed to be I just can't stand it if it has him in it. I was forced to watch ten minutes of You Don't Mess With The Zohan and I just couldn't believe how bad it was. It was embarrassing to watch and just plain disgusting. No one want's to see Adam BBQ naked, no one.

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  59. I agree Adam Sandler needs to go. I first saw those ads during Sunday Football and I just had to keep muting the tv. So annoying.

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  60. this was really funny but yea the bucky larson movie looks really stupid and when i first saw the preview i was watching snl so i thot it was a skit then i realized it was a real movie

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  61. happy gilmour is the best sandler movie, rest are crap.

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  62. Finall, somebody has the courage to stand up for us little guys. These two assholes must be stopped. That motherf#&@$^ Nick Swarsdon is all over the chive and it's damaging my chi. Preach on brothers.

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  63. You forgot to mention HOW UNFUCKING ENTERTAINING OR EVEN WATCHABLE THE GODDAMNED COMMERCIALS ARE!

    Seriously, wasn't Randal and Dante (or whatever the fuck their names were, those two headbangers from Little Nicky) cool back in the day? When did they become retarded douchebags?

    Like...I keep trying to come up with new names that start with douche simply to thoroughly encapsulate how much of a douche these two guys are in these commercials.

    Just...fucking...DOUCHES.

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  64. The Bucky Larson commercials were so unfunny, they literally made me angry, "like throwing shit at the TV, googling the address to Nick Swardson's house, picking up some gasoline and setting some shit on fire" angry.

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  65. I can't say that I've ever heard of this Bucky Larson movie and apparently that makes me one of the lucky few. I've never liked Nick Swardson or Adam Sandler so I can't see it being any good. This post was hilarious but I think next weeks post will be as far as my experience with Bucky Larson is going to go. Can't wait for the next one (=

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  66. All I'm saying is that I miss Terry. And his rollerskates.

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  67. OMG i' so disappointed in sandler. "jack & Jill" is average, but the 2nd one is just pathetic :(

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  68. another awesome post! haha! can't stop chuckling. and because of your fabulous blog. I'm giving you this award. Keep up!

    please follow the link
    http://yenahyen.blogspot.com/2011/09/sunshine-award.html

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  69. I've been over these stupid-trying to be funny movies for a while. Will Ferrell and Jim Carrey are also on that list for me. They seem to play the same character everytime... just a different movie.

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  70. Is Nick Swardson able to be called a good actor? I had to google him to find out who he was, and still I dont think I have seen anything he is in!

    I do agree with the above post tho.. Jim Carrey is one of those incredibly dull and boring actors, who nothing changes each movie, each of them is done too over the top to be funny, and you would have to be incredibly drunk to even laugh at any of them!

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  71. I like Nick Swarsdon but Bucky Larson looks like the worst movie ever. It has a rating of 2.2 on IMDb right now.

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  72. This movie looks like a stinker.

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  73. I completely agree with everything about this post, and in general feel much the same about all recent films in general. By far, though, I would say that Happy Madison films are on par with being as funny as the Holocaust. I don't think there has ever been a string of unfunnier movies from one production studio.

    And it's not just the Happy Madison bunch. Nearly everything marketed as "comedy" is little more than fart and sex jokes or blatant homophobic propaganda. Any time I see a preview for an American "comedy" I see nothing but the scene from Idiocracy where there is someone's ass on screen farting for 2 minutes. I weep for how close Mike Judge's film is to becoming reality.

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  74. the anon guy who posted lastSeptember 14, 2011 at 1:29 PM

    And I have to agree with Powdered Toast Man... I feel like if I watch this movie that my brain cells for logic and reason will spontaneously combust.

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  75. What happened to the days of Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore? Now we are stuck with Dont Mess with the Zohan and Funny People (which was AWFUL, and in no way funny). I hope Adam gets his MOJO back, cause I can't waste anymore of my time watching foriegn gay hairdresser movies.

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  76. They need some funny lessons from you. :)

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  77. Oy vay, I'm glad I live under a rock. ;)

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