Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Worst. Party. Ever. (Part Deux)

I hope you enjoyed Bryan's flashback to terrible partydom on Monday. Today, I bring you a snippet from one of my least favorite post-college party experiences. It was an unfortunate night when I was dragged by my then-girlfriend to a gathering of pretentious "artists" who, despite their non-existent successes in the art world, still weren't deterred from acting like the pseudo-intellectual elitists that they were.













Out of the thirty people crammed into that hamster box apartment, I didn't meet a single one that I wouldn't have flushed if I'd been given the chance...and a toilet big enough to fit those egos. Never underestimate the deluded snobbery of the talentless underappreciated artist.

Cheers,

-brandon

Beer: There's nothing wrong with wine. I like wine. But tonight, it's Three Floyd's Gumballhead, dammit.
Music: The Animals

61 comments:

  1. :) nice and short one this time.
    I can't stand modern 'art' or wine. I'm with ya.

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  2. Hopefully you did the right thing and got filthy drunk on box-wine, urinated on his carpet and called it "performance art."

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  3. Hahaha. And if we dont appreciate the modern art then we are given "you are stupid" look. Why is that?
    Modern art and appreciation is more like "Emperor's new clothes"

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  4. Hahahaha! "I feel another master piece coming on" I'm definitely stealing this line :P

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  5. lmao! im yet to meet any of those pretentious art folks, but i do love me some wine :)

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  6. The painting behind you looks like someone dragged their butt across it after they made the corn one. lol.

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  7. I've met one or two of these kind of people before... Kinda gets on your nervs after a while >_>

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  8. There's no way you missed you artistic calling! Your pictures are great! I love you guys!

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  9. good one :) I really enjoy reading your work....sheer fun :) Keep going, and wish you all the luck, would love to read these as sunday cartoon (newspaper) or as a series.... :) [dilbert style]

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  10. Not much can beat a pretentious artist. Well, you could beat them with your fists, but calling their paintings crap (unless it is literal crap) would hurt a lot more.

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  11. haha that is very good, I like the masterpiece phrase

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  12. I absolutely love the artists types because no matter how hard you fuck with them, they have to appear above criticism.

    "Notice how the artist has gone for a post-industrial look as a wry commentary on the narcissism inherent in modern day consumerism."

    "You are a shit-head, but I will continue to drink your booze as a wry commentary on how starved for attention you really are."

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  13. I'm surprised on how long you kept your cool. I would've been out of that shit hole in 15 minutes tops.

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  14. The art behind "you" on the wall is truly a masterpiece! Maybe you should consider displaying it in the Museum of Modern Art. They would be lucky to have it.

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  15. No keg, no party. Just one of the many facts of life.

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  16. Hahahahaa!! "Corn and all".... You funny.

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  17. lol does your wife always drag u out to these high end parties? next time let me know, i'll come crash it

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  18. One of the things I really don't miss about living in NYC is running into people like this everywhere!

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  19. I think I have been to this party and it was as bas as you described :) I always choose beer over wine..always!

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  20. I don't know why but I keep imagining that guy talking with a posh British accent but overly exaggerated. Thankfully, I haven't met many people like that. The perks of living in the middle of nowhere I guess.

    And, how rude of the host not to cater to the needs of the guest. If they didn't have beer there they should have sent someone out to get some!

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  21. I knew I should have returned a long time ago!

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  22. yea great masterpiece LOL great stuff as always

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  23. why do we even eat corn? I hear it doesn't do us any good, cept when it comes to making potty art.

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  24. um cool story bro. Not nearly as funny as the other one.

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  25. Ahahahaha, this is hilarious. Yeh, I hate those overly-artistic types too, they are pretty much the forerunners of hipsters. Especially the 'misunderstood' ones, always talking about some guy who died in the 50s and acting all depressed.

    I guess *sometimes* I get creepy and 'artistic' that way, but whenever I get like that, I make sure never to annoy other people with it. And definitely would never attend a party full of depressed hipsters =)

    I also never got the idea of overly abstract art, like a blue square on white paper. What's up with that?

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  26. You're like the poor man's Buddy Bradley.

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  27. I want the paintings from your cartoon on my living room wall!
    They're just totally fabulous, sweetie darling...

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  28. Have definitely met some people like that.

    Personally though, think I've met more of the wine snob than art snob. Apparently I tend to hang out more with alcoholics than artists.

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  29. my wife knows she can't get me to anywhere unless there is beer! masterpiece line was hilarious!

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  30. The delivery here was awesome. I've been reading for a while, and I've really been enjoying the posts and everything, but this is the first time I've laughed so heartily at a blog post in a few months and it's all because of the delivery. Particularly the crapcorn art. Thanks!

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  31. "No see, I know it looks like I just had a series of sneeze attacks while using the MSPaint spray can, but it's actually a commentary on the frailty of human life and our will to overcome the suffering of our generation. I'm auctioning off copies this weekend for only 400 dollars each, which goes to fund the yellow lined notepad paper that my work is printed on. Again, a plea to look past the lines of conformity and transcend our social jaundice."

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  32. You should have left a frame around the toilet seat.

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  33. I thrive on pretension and elitism you bastard. :)

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  34. Whelp, Hipsters gotta Hip I guess.

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  35. Johnson: And Buddy Bradley is like the poor man's Bukowski. Except Bukowski was broke as a fucking joke. I guess that makes me destitute humor.

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  36. You should always keep back up beer in the trunk of the car.

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  37. Funny, funny, funny! I have been to my share of those artsy fartsy parties. They really are all apparently the same. Sure wish you could've flushed at least half of those people down the drain!

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  38. 'twat' is the dirtiest word ever.

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  39. I love art and music. But I prefer rum :) :)

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  40. Artsy party. :D
    I wouldn't even think of attending that. :D
    I'm more of a drinking and puking kind of guy. :D

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  41. haha these make me laugh. especially liked the crappy picture on the wall and the metaphor it represents. keep up the good work :)

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  42. those comics...

    I've fallen in love with you all over again.

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  43. Pretentious arse gravy losers, where's the beer?

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  44. How long do you need making one of these comics?

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  45. Do a search for a LA artist by Keith Boadwee, check out some of his work from early to mid 90's. I think you will be amused.

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  46. Ha! It's funny what passes for art sometimes... very entertaining post :)

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  47. It's my opinion that the word "twat" is grossly underused in every day conversation. Your contribution has not gone unnoticed and is appreciated.

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  48. artsy people have the hugest ego's..pfft

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  49. HA HA, BWABWABWA, yeah...

    Y'know, Bellingham is highly touted as an "artists' town" and it can actually be pretty cool at times. They have these monthly "Art Walks" where businesses downtown throw their doors open to loiterers and allow them to wander about, gazing at the local artists' offerings that are placed strategically here and there.

    On the other hand, during some of the town events there's a particular location downtown that's filled with egotistical college hipster scum. As an entire group they open up their apartment complex to allow people to gawk at their horrible creations...

    Strangely enough, it's one of the few times I'm driven to actually consider taking up drinking. I swear, somehow my friends seem to ambush me and I end up at this apartment complex without even realizing we're going there (multiple avenues to get there, y'know?), and I swear they're doing it on fucking purpose.

    Fucking...hipster...artist...scum...

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  50. Is he wearing sunglasses on his head and glasses? Classic hipster.

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  51. Cool. Did you make the cartoon yourself?

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  52. Oh god that sounds dreadful. I hate people like that.

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  53. This is tomfollery of the highest order. Hat's off to ya :)

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  54. That pretentious art snob girl kinda has that hot librarian thing going on.... just sayin!

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  55. comic was hilarious, short and sweet

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