Friday, August 26, 2011

The Truth Behind Blogger Comments

Today we're posting over at Kelley's Break Room, because she thinks we're really funny... or at least that's what she says. Maybe she just wants to chloroform us and lock us in her basement. Either way, stop by and say hello, and if you're too lazy to click her link to read the post, well, see below.

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           We've gotten a lot of things here at A Beer for the Shower. Compliments. Disagreements. Spam. Marriage proposals. Even some hate. The one thing that unifies these all is that they came from comments--comments left behind by readers like you.
            We've also spent some time thinking about these comments, and wanted to share our perceptions of how we think comments REALLY work around here.
            First off, who you are matters. Think I'm kidding? Let's look at a scenario where 4 different people all tell the same joke, and how they're reacted to.

There's Timid Timmy. He's an older gentleman, and he's not quite sure if he's funny, so his delivery is soft.



Then there's the bloggers like me. Younger, easier to relate to. I'm right at SuperBro's demographic.



But suddenly, when a blonde girl with big boobs says the same thing (and yes, she always blogs in her sports bra and short shorts, as evident by her main picture, which is a closeup of her cleavage)...



Amazing how that works. But what if she looks like this?


Poor BloggerBetty.

Next, there's the anonymous hate comment. This is usually from someone with absolutely no sense of humor, who doesn't understand the intention of jokes. Let's start with a joke that gets some positive reception...


But what if SuperBro has a stick up his backside and decides this joke really, really offends him?





Also, if you're wondering, for all that hard work Anonymous put into his scathing rebuttal, this is generally how I react when we get one:


       Seriously. Watch this. It'll change your life.

            Like Bryan pointed out, commenting can be brutal sometimes, but not without reason. We, for example, always try to reply to every comment we receive in turn. And given our lengthy comment list for every post, that usually means a lot of reading. Therefore, when we receive the following thoughtless, grammatically remedial, donkey-speak for a comment, chances are good that Pubert Q. Dillweed will not be earning himself a thorough courtesy read and/or reply.






            For the most part, though, we’ve got awesome (make note of the fancy correctness of the spelling of awesome) commenters, and we have fun getting to know newcomers. Just try not to drink too much turpentine before leaving a comment, and we’ll be the best of e-friends.

Cheers and stay classy, folks,

-Bryan and Brandon

Beer: Fat Tire
Music: The Byrds

89 comments:

  1. SuperBro's comment to Blonde Big Boobs made me shit. It's tragic how often this happens.

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  2. :) have a nice weekend, and am scared how am being judged based on this comment :D

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  3. Cool (was that ok, I can't be judged, oh damn and arse gravy I'm outta here):P

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  4. Nice sweat stains. And yes, Hunchback Kitty is AWSuM!

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  5. Sounds to me like I need to find me a zombie girl with massive cleavage picture and make that my blogger profile picture. Then EVERYONE would think I am talented! yay. lol.

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  6. The marriage proposals sound like me.

    And anyone who hates the word midget is an idiot who deserves to be sat on my Teletubbies because "midget" IS the politically correct word.

    It's better than "homunculus", right? Which, BTW, reminds me of aborted human fetuses, so of course, I use it all the time.

    I get comments like "send me nudes" all the time. Strangely, it turns me on.

    P.S Your comment about circumcision cracked me up. It's so good that it deserves to be on Twitter. I feel like ripping you off and posting it on my Twitter account. (This is the part where you say, "HELL YEAH. Plagiarize away!") Also, do you guys have Twitter?

    P.P.S Weirdly, I realize that I always type comments with Bryan in mind. Sorry, Brandon. But on the bright side, I find you more bad ass looking than Bryan, so that's a good thing...if you're into creepy fifteen-year-old Asian females.

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  7. And my vagina is weeping sad tears because you're both in relationships of varying seriousness. Just thought you should know.

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  8. Did you guys transplanted combo of Einstein's brain and some funny guy's brain recently? You really rock.
    These posts are really good and makes me laugh and also think, which is very tough actually.

    One other compliment, I dont think many bloggers read the comments, and you guys do read it diligently which is also rare.

    No wonder why your blog is so good. Good job!
    [I sound like the grandpa now??!!]

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  9. "WHY YOU NO FOLLOW!?!?!?"

    Seriously, I hate the comments like those. All it't does is clutter my dam inbox.

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  10. Maybe I should start blogging in my sports bra and short shorts! Hmmm... but how would you know that?!

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  11. I agree, If you are posting cause you want me to "follow you" that WILL not happen. It's amazing how many people do the whole.. "LOL. Funny. follow me" well, based on your life changing comment that was so utterly hilarious, I totally want to follow you and read all about your life! thanks!

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  13. Wow, my life did change after Frankenstein cat... there is more to life than Segway crashes.

    But seriously, there are no other comments that shit me more than those on YouTube.

    http://xkcd.com/481/

    Genius...

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  14. I like the comments I get on blogs that are 6 months old - and usually the blog will be about me yelling at someone or getting lost - and the comment will be "Thank you for the helpful information on this topic. I have been looking for this information for a long time." [Then there is usually some writing in Russian]

    Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to write an anonymous comment here about how outraged I am by your blog.

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  15. Hahahaahaha! wow, are people really that stupid..

    Damn google account...

    Ginger Girl

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  16. Sorry, I don't know what's been up with my computer but it boots me out of my account whenever I try to comment...

    Again,
    Ginger Girl

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  17. Dang. Where did you find a picture of me eating a chicken leg? Are you stalking me?

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  18. than actually working while Im at work! In an endless sea of paperwork your blog is the boat that keeps me afloat! lol I am a straight man but i would very much like to please you with my mouth for all the muffled cubilcle laughs you provide me with.

    #nogagreflex

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  19. You guys make blogging seem not quite as nerdy...

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  20. Kinda afraid to comment now! That cat was freakin hilarious! You guys rock! I really look up to you guys, for I am just a rookie! Check out my latest
    http://psychoticfastfoodrants.blogspot.com/

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  21. heh the artwork sells it for me, i barely read. i only read pictures!!

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  22. Comments to me are like a digital handjob. That's right, whenever you comment, it's a sweet sweet stroke. Mmmmm gimme that comment love...oh god, just creeped myself out. Why can't I learn how to delete!?! Curse you tiny monkey brain!!!

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  23. lul, u r so FUNNYyy! folow moi, pls, pls, reali aprcitd.Also,i knw u maried alrdy, but mary me pleassEEE! lol, lol, lol. harr harr harr! but i also very ofended by da pic in da bg, of queen victoria? why she troll face? i luv da queen.


    Hee hee, sorry, couldn't resist :)
    Spam is a horrid problem, but Blogger's new spam filters work their magic graciously. If it wasn't for the spam filters, I think I would cry everyday. I mean really, I don't want Viagra! I don't have a penis! When will spammers understand that?

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  24. I think you can tell right away which commenters actually read your stuff and post because they found it interesting, and those who skim and comment on something without context in the hope that you'll read their blog, and the true asshats who copy-paste or write something random and generic enough that they think maybe you won't notice they are just blazing through a couple hundred other blogs to promote their own sites.

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  25. Seriously, you should see some of the comments I get.

    You'll laugh, but deep down inside you'll be dying a little.

    A marriage proposal would be a pleasantly g-rated change of pace. :/

    *I actually have a 'scheduled post' going up today about comments, and proper behavior. Weird, huh?
    YOU GUYS (well, one of you, anyway) commented on one of my posts, and I replied, and some douchebag got REALLY offended that I called 'Tap Out' clothing douchey.
    So, time to educate my readers.

    Poor SuperBro; don't tell him that cute red-heads blog naked (but I don't put my profile picture here, in an attempt not to offend)...or tell him ANYTHING about HNT, other parts of him might explode...

    :)
    Jen

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  26. I enjoy your blog immensely and it makes me envious of the mad paint skills. As usual, thank you for the laughs.

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  27. I feel your angst. I am always suspicious of anonymous comments.

    Also, my name is Pubert Q. Dillweed and I don't think you are funny at all!

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  28. @bromail.com LOL

    I really enjoyed this post because is so true. :D

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  29. You guys seriously make my day. I always look forward to more posts, and the pictures you draw make them even better! You're F-ing Hilarious!

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  30. I think the thing people like less are the people who leave comments like "This is awesome!" when they've clearly not read the post. I saw a blog about what a girl is like when she's drunk, ie, fainting and general drunken lewdness, and someone commented that it was "inspiring". Hilarity ensued as female one went onto female two's blog, and left a non-anonymous comment about how odd it is to find drunken behaviour inspiring, and the general lack of courtesy shown. Turns out female b is a master spin doctor who managed to twist the situation so she looked like the good guy, and the chick who was just trying to get drunk, have fun, and make some points, ended up feeling bad. Damn that was a long story, and I killed it with my lack of funniness. Let me cop out and say "You had to be there". Though I really do love your blog, as evidenced by the fact that I read an entire post, and left a comment about the size of one, rather than just copying and pasting a generic comment like "OMGLULZ Check out my blog at IARESPAMMER@IDIDNTEVENREADYOURSTUFF.SPAM.

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  31. Great as always..you forgot to mention spam comments do write a post dedicated to spammers sometimes

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  32. I've seen all sorts of these comments and now I will have these images firmly in my mind whenever I stumble across one.

    And that cat video may have changed my life. I will get back to you on that.

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  33. Awesome and hilarious post. Following!

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  34. Haha this is awesome and so true. All I can say is, welcome to the Internet. xD!

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  35. there's so much truth to this post. and that cat video did just change my life forever haha

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  36. I'm generally not anal about comments but cant stand when ppl spam their blog link in the comment, it looks so pathetic lol. btw the cat vid was awesome.

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  37. Al Gore did invent the ozone layer...and the internet. Give him some credit and maybe he won't make another movie that I have to watch in geography class. Internet comments just prove that the average person never really outgrows a high school mentality. Too many people arguing points that they have no knowledge about, unless you have large breasts at which point you get full approval.

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  38. tee hee! i LOVE that i'm funny cuz i have big boobs and i wear short shorts. life is so grand.

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  39. Wow, I'm looking forward to having enough followers to be able to mock anonymous commenters...Maybe if I troll for some on chat roulette...

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  40. I love getting well thought out comments that actually have something to do with the post. I can't stand getting the "lol" or the "great post" comments...I know you didn't read it you jackass!

    That being said...that cat made me crack the hell up!

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  41. What? Neither of you is a hot chick with a great rack?

    Unfollow Unfollow Unfollow...

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  42. Lil Pubies are the most annoying shit ever. You post something like ...ok i got to tell you this, its very hard for me to say it...i have testicular cancer
    - That's great!
    -WTF dude , i have cancer and the super aids
    - I'm loving this.
    -Ok, forget it.

    Btw what happened to you laptop? I thought it was a hasidic laptop hahaha

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  43. Speaking of losing faith in humanity, my friend really said this to her ex's friend, who had been hitting on her for a few weeks: "It would help if one of the few people helping me regain my faith in humanity did not want to fuck me."

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  44. I don't think ever I'll forgive myself if I turn out like one of your examples. People put a lot of effort and time into their blogs. If a reader has a difference in opinion, he should be able to comment his thoughts in a professional and mature way or keep his mouth shut.

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  45. Again with the Fat Tire! Woot!

    I brought home 2 cases of a San Diego brew called Red Trolley Ale. You can't get it in the Northwest, and it's amazing.

    Plus, it makes Al Gore cry. His tears in this beer are better than limes in a Corona.

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  46. Reading the comments to your posts is half the fun. Pickelope, for instance, managed to creep me out as well as himself/herself...not really sure what we're working with there. But creeped out in a good way. You know.

    The pit stains and the skull top popping off were my favorite.

    Lastly, not sure if you can get this where you are but Epic's Brainless Belgium and Squatters Hop Rising.

    You will thank me one day.

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  47. If I had more energy I'd leave you a scathing comment. Just kidding! You give me the chuckles.

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  48. Haha aww man so i have to work extra hard to proof i read the posts right? :p
    The blonde bombshell is totally me. NOT!! :(

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  49. Laughs after a hard day writing about WWII generals are AWESOME! Thanks!

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  50. I feel an extreme amount of pressure to post a comment with some modicum of wit.

    My other option is to finish my Red Stripe and masturbate.

    I've made my decision. Good evening.

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  51. Holy shit, I left a comment yesterday, I'm blonde, but wait, I have small tits. Christ, before I post a comment here again I'm going to have to either dye my hair brunette or grow some thick skin.

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  52. owww, finger cramp from scrolling waayyy down here.
    Always knew it was the cleavage shot that got your attention.
    Love you guys. Sorry I am a wee bit late, been hiding out a little...

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  53. Personally, I think that some of the funniest girls happen to not be hot. Rachel Dratch is WAY funnier than say, Jessica Simpson. ;)

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  54. I'm desperate to know what the set up to the dog's grandmother joke is! (if there isn't one I'll have to think of something)

    Thanks for the reply btw, made me laugh (I'm glad I'm not the only one taking balls to the face)

    If anyone doesn't like my comment I'll fire said midget out of a cannon in your general direction, and you shall have to console a weeping al gore.

    http://themundanemadcap.blogspot.com/

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  55. This makes me want to leave a "L0LZ @ phuni!" comment... I'm a big fan of spite...

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  56. Love this blog post! A really interesting read! Followed!

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  57. SO true.
    I personally LOATHE comments like this :

    Cool blog.

    FOLLOW ME? I FOLLOW YOU BACK TOO! <3


    Yeah...but I still feel obliged to return the comment. After exposure to so many generic comments, I now find myself spending many minutes thinking about how to compose a suitably witty, unique and intelligent comment on people's posts. Life is hard.

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  58. It's truly a shame that there are such comments because I almost feel like blogging is such a collaborative process.

    Blogs get better and grow with good comments, feeding on the energy.

    Otherwise we could just write in a diary and never show it to anyone. I mean, in what other medium can you get such immediate feedback?

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  59. And that's why I make sure to filter through all the comments before they get published.

    I've been lucky though, no hate so far!

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  60. Comments are what make a blog worthwhile and well done for attempting to reply to everyone that you get – I must admit that no matter how good a blog is I stop commenting if the comments get sucked into a black hole never to be seen or replied to….As for hate mail I would rather receive that (gives you something t get my teeth into) rather than the old – “I Luv your blog” Comment.

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  61. Thanks for the information! Was really helpful! Keep up the great blog work!

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  62. Well, you know... Different people, different comments. -.-'
    What really strikes me here... What do you mean "midget" isn't politically correct?! O_o ;D
    (but, really, what's the proper word here, then?)

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  63. So the dog says "That was my grandmother!"

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  64. Wait a damn minute... people will think I'm funnier if I post in my sports bra? Done and done.

    On another note, the Frankenstein cat video changed my life. kEep uP tHE g00d wErK, broseph!

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  65. Thank you for the comment Brandon. It is nice to know that behind all the humour there is intelligence and thoughtfulness. I am honored that you returned my follow. It will take me a little time to catch completely up to date with your blog as you are prolific and the comments are fun to read as well. Be patient with me please.

    Sincerely,

    Anne

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  66. On another note. My updates are showing that you posted a new blog hours ago. However, when I clicked on the link, I got page not available.

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  67. Yeah you see this Everywhere, it can be very annoying sometimes.
    I'm just going to be a regular SuperBro and say:
    Fun and well done post as always! Keep the awesomeness going

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  68. Like your post, a little two many illustrations that were alike for my taste but cool none the less..ps I think that lemonsdontmakelemonade is funny!

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  69. Been a silent reader most times on the net. But some comments do have a stronger gravitational pull than a black hole. Especially when you are stuck with a task in the real world you'd rather not do. Seconding Rusty, xkcd/481 would be a wonderful virus.

    Btw, new here. Hope to be back.

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  70. That kitten video really distracted me from reading this. Thought like he would bust out some Michael Jackson moves there for a nano second!

    Maybe we should have a LOL button, like the uhm like button on Facebook, saves them to type these three long letters, they could just click LOL. Actually, a friend of mine says "LOL" instead of laughing or "That's funny", so close to throw a shoe at him.

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  71. Comment section tl;dr

    LOLOLOL THANK GOD I NEVER DO THAT WHOLE SPAM THING AND ACTUALLY MAKE COMMENTS THAT SEEM LIKE I'M PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU BUT LITTLE DO YOU KNOW IT'S ACTUALLY ONE OF MY MORE TALENTED PENISES TYPING THIS WHILE I'M WATCHING ALPHAS.

    FUCK YEAH ALPHAS.

    I followed you. Now follow me at:

    http://thatbasrdon.blogspot.com
    http://blaragah.blogspot.com
    http://...

    Shit, I can only take that joke so far, guys. :/ And I'm gonna make a sixth one soon, godommot Fronk...I should've gone the route you two went and just made one really awesome one.

    Meh, I'm a mixed grab bag. I just keep throwing darts at the dartboard with my eyes closed in hopes that one of them will statistically hit the center.

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  72. I only started getting a decent number of page views after showing off my 3rd boob!

    I think people would actually follow me if I died my hair from dark brown to blonde. Hopefully my check from g.ads will eventually come through the mail so I can buy a couple bottles of bleach!

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  73. Seriously, I hate the comments like those

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  74. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  75. The face of lil' pubie cracks me up every time. I am also subjected to the wonderful world of comments, but I adore each and every one like a rich man writhing about naked in all his money. I suppose that in my case it's more like a hobo with a mental disorder rubbing himself with the dirty pennies tossed to him that day.

    @Scrappy Beast- I now have the mental image of an army of paedophiles scouring blog comments for new victims. Ah, the 21st century.

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  76. Good post guys. I wish I was famous enough to get hate comments. Mine are always left by my family and, despite my best efforts, they still love me to much to call me a Motherf@%*&r on the internet. Maybe I need to write more about midgets. Blog on brothers.

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  77. You forgot about the "hot gurls" who are actually an awkward dude with far too many ads on his page of scraped content, commenting the exact same "this is great!" "I love this" on every single post. As if people aren't gonna realize you're autocommenting. "Man-dude, this hot gurl has a really optimistic attitude, albeit a fairly shallow vocabulary. Hmm... Sounds like most hot gurls I know, definitely can't be a man with the ability to use google image search."

    I retaliate by posting the exact same comments verbatim on all of their posts. They usually get deleted ironically, so I try to find creative ways to rephrase my trolling attempts. I don't know why but it's strangely fulfilling.

    I think people surrender to the self deception that there really are hot girls on the internet interested in their stuff and someday.... maybe someday they'll be able to touch one in real life in the form of a handshake or accidental brushing of shoulders at a concert.

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  78. I changed the '1' to a '0', and it did work, but it created another problem as the Facebook comments box under the post completely disappeared. Not sure why.business logo design

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  79. awesome dialogue i really like that, The sketch of each picture is realy very true ...
    Vertical Jump Bible

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  80. This is very well animated post submit here.

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