Wednesday, July 13, 2011

What's Eating Bryan Grape?

According to the rotation, Bryan is supposed to be posting today. Unfortunately, I just received a phone call from him saying that he wouldn’t be able to blog today. At least that’s what I think he said. It was hard to make out what exactly the hell he was trying to tell me over all the wheezing and girlish screams coming from his end before the cell phone died.
So, here I sit, wondering why it is that Bryan isn’t able to blog today. Is he being chased through the jungle by Colombian drug lords?

Is he backstage at a Justin Bieber concert?

Or did he finally thwart the child safety locks on the kitchen sink cabinet and manage to drink a bottle full of floor cleaner?    

Who can say what really happened to my writing partner? He’s highly distractible and has a propensity for pressing shiny red buttons. Would any of you like to take a stab as to his whereabouts?

Until next time, go fuck yourself, San Diego.

Cheers,

Brandon

Beer: Old Style
Music: Manchester Orchestra

41 comments:

  1. And yet I'm still waiting for a shitty picture.....

    I hope he is getting laid.... I would be if my man wasn't asleep alreay.... Guess I'll have to wake him up with a blow job....

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  2. Well it's obvious...he's holding JB's future balls while conducting the Manchester Orchestra - not an easy task, man!
    Geez...the thing that guy goes to for you so you've got tunes!

    Be patient bro...conducting is effen hard work!

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  3. We could send out a search party, but if that goes like your apt. hunting there's no telling what you might get in the other eye ;)

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  5. Or maybe he has been kidnapped by pirates!! Someone call the coast guard!

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  6. All three sound like interesting and possibly viable options. I wonder if there is a connection with all three?

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  7. He's gone searching for the Last of the Mohican's?

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  8. All three of your suggestions combined. Pretty sure that Columbian drug lords enjoy a bit of 'baby' secretly. They'll have lugged Bryan along, and forced floor cleaner down his throat the second he protested. I'm jealous.

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  9. Definitely Bieber concert! No doubt.

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  10. "San Diego, which of course is Spanish for "a whale's vagina"."

    Um...is he in a glass box of emotions? Wherever he is I hope he gets back safely. I will tell you right now...if he is really a "beleiber" I am going to have to rethink following this amazing blog and that would make me sad.

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  11. Does the email I got with the words "do I turn left or right to get to Uluru from Sydney airport" mean anything to you?
    I am wondering if he has managed to creep through customs to try our beer

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  12. Raped by an amorous dolphin and is now curled up in the shower, weeping, and dealing with getting jumpy at every squeak he hears.

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  13. I'm going with he's in the first wave of the zombie apocalypse.

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  14. The fact that he's married means there are less possibilities. I'm going to guess that his wife has finally agreed to role playing sex.

    ...In which case, I don't blame him for staying in bed and abandoning us.

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  15. I say he was practicing walking in his Jimmy Choo's for the pending story you guys are writing... and he fell..hard..

    (sidenote*-did you guys get the link for the website(takeittothestreetpoetry.com) where your story is housed?)
    also, i'm over @ wordpress now ifn you are interested in tagging along. add my URL and my scribbles will appear in your news-feed thingy.

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  16. Possibly the new wife had her whips out...possibly.

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  17. Hes getting prepped for his tranny operation.

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  18. perhaps he had to go to a public swimming pool.

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  19. He is in line for the next Harry Potter movie.

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  20. He has finally got his wife to agree to a 3 way with another woman!

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  21. Having a consult for what appears to be a third nipple.

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  22. Like my stupid husband he convinced his wife to wax he testicles! He then proceeded to be the BIGGEST whinging mole EVER and walked and talked funny for 3 days thereafter!

    http://jensspaghettiblog.blogspot.com

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  23. Cheers to Jewels for knowing Anchorman, and to Annabelle for spotting the superfluous third nipple!

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  24. The last time I saw him he was on the phone with Lemons because he was, well, very thirsty, but I warned him that Lemons don't make lemonade ... I figure he will have found out by now.

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  25. Oh wait... I hear Lemons stood him up because she's actually too young for him and now he's trying his luck in some nunnery in Wyoming.

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  26. ummmm........i got nothing. i kinda got distracted by pickleope's theory of dolphin rape.

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  27. He is locked in my basement.

    Ransom demand to follow once I've figured out what he's worth.

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  28. Sounds to me like he bought a room full of hookers =\

    Haha, love this blog can't believe I forgot to follow it

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  29. After reading the post and most of the comments, I have reached a conclusion: apparently he is most likely getting laid.

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  30. heh that side ways pic trend is catching on.

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  31. Bwahaha! He is with my little brother, figuring out how to convince the USDA that sugar should be a food group.

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  32. Let him have his moment bud.You do you need to rain is his parade?

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  33. lol you're imagination goes WILD funny stuff

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  34. BTW...I also made you blog of the day.

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  35. I saw him at Walmart. Said he was going to Jimmy Buffet and needed some chicken noodle soup and some nilla wafers!

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  36. Maybe he joined Chippendales.

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  37. Cool detail, thats what I like most

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