Bryan and I are shorthairs deep into writing a new novella (2/3 done?) between novels, and since the ball is in my court for a new chapter, this is going to be a short post today. Mostly, I’d just like to give a shout-out to my liver. I just want you to know your efforts don’t go unappreciated, my friend, even though you’re trapped in what some might see as an abusive relationship. But, don’t listen to them. It’s for your own good. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t love you. The day you learn to stop giving me hangovers is the day you’ll learn to stop “falling down stairs.” Until then, you’d best be stocking up on the ibuprofen eyeshadow.
But seriously, domestic violence isn’t funny. So stop laughing, asshole. If you know someone who really does like to punch women, he’d better be a transvestite boxer with a losing record, otherwise he’s earned himself a sledgehammer castration. Call me old-fashioned.
Sorry for the randomness and lack of general theme here, folks. I promise greater things when Bryan takes the reins again Friday.
Also, as an overdue side note, author friend Kirk Farber recently won the Colorado Book Award for literary fiction for his novel “Postcards from a Dead Girl.” To view a pic of what a real, live, non-self-published fiction author looks like, click here (Kirk's the flame top. Bryan and Brandon are both pictured here too, just in case you’re dying to know what unpublished novelists look like...). Go to a bookstore and buy the book, foo!
Cheers,
-brandon
Beer: Green Line (Goose Island)
Music: Silver Sun Pickups
hahahaha the tranny line made me laugh, a lot. Nice post, as usual.
ReplyDeleteI got sad when I learnt about hump day, it's a very misleading name :( I think most people are very lucky their livers aren't capable of doing that though lol.
ReplyDeleteI don't mean to be persnickety, but why is your liver walking around upside down? Is it discombobulated too?!
ReplyDeleteme and my liver have a special relationship also....I drown it in sorrow and it comes back swinging Balboa style.
ReplyDeleteLady on the shark poster killz me every time.
the liver would like a guinness haha
ReplyDeletelove this blog :)
I'd never thought of using a sledgehammer for castration...not that I think about castration much. Honestly.
ReplyDeleteCongrats to your friend and I will definitely hunt around for that book.
lmfao fuck yeah liver!
ReplyDeletehehe, nice post dude, keep it up! :D
ReplyDeleteHa Ha good work!! If only livers could talk! lol!
ReplyDeleteYou can fight the liver, but the liver fights back...
ReplyDeleteWow, thanks for making me cringe with the sledgehammer castration line... egh. But yes let's have a toast to our livers! ....wait.
ReplyDeleteI've got two livers. Bought the second one on eBay. Just in case...
ReplyDeleteI believe sledgehammer castration is still the choice procedure in most Asian countries
ReplyDeleteBe kind to your liver and it will be kind to you. You guys are so cute! I'm going to adopt you both since I'm old enough to be your mother. I'm the bloggy godmother afterall! Good luck on the Novella.
ReplyDeleteQuestion about Hump Day: R Kelly and Rebecca Black write songs about the weekend, but do you know of any good 'hump day' songs? Someone needs to write one.
ReplyDeleteAnd that is the LAST time I ever compare R Kelly and RB. Unless they appear in a sex tape together. She IS the right age for him, after all...
My best friend likes to fight me, but I fight back. Does that count?
ReplyDeleteNever harm a woman but do dissuade her if she has a knife to your bollox.
ReplyDeleteyou and your liver should try out a Jimmy Buffett concert/preparty some time.
ReplyDeleteI commend your liver on the taste in beer... and you for spelling it correctly.
ReplyDeletei think that the concept of a sledgehammer castration is more than enough for a whole post. i find the idea delightfully amusing when it's being applied to rapists or abusers. and maybe there should be a viewing room like when a convict is executed for the victims & their families & the press to watch.
ReplyDeleteWe've all had that dream. The one where you are forced to sit down and talk to your liver face-to-face and answer for what you've done to it. Terrible dream.
ReplyDelete- Jay
My liver used to be the Chuck Norris of my internal organs. Then I had my gall bladder removed and turned 30. I think Chuck missed his side kick. Good thing I quit drinking.
ReplyDeleteYour posts always make me chuckle.
Jess
Ahahaha
ReplyDeleteThe written made me laugh quietly to myself.
The cartoon made me cackle out loud on the crowded train.
Ps..love me some silver sun pickups
You look so much like your cartoon! Just kidding ;)
ReplyDeletefunny post and again nice music choice
ReplyDeleteI think your liver might have a drinking problem... lol.
ReplyDeleteBoooooks, I would read one if I didn't already have a large backlog.
ReplyDeleteI think your liver and you will need some couples counseling for "doorknob" issues.....not drinking...
ReplyDeleteAh, the liver. One day he is fine, the next, he is out to kill you.
ReplyDeletetee hee ;)
ReplyDeletesurely old-fashioned would be keeping one's woman in her place.
ReplyDeleteOh god, which is which? I can't tell my authors from my unpublished ones!
ReplyDeleteYOU GUYS LOOK NOTHING LIKE YOUR CARTOONS.
ReplyDelete....It's a compliment. ;)
Stupid liver. It had it coming.
ReplyDeleteCan an ol married lady say you guys are so gorgeous ?
ReplyDeleteGood looking, talented. Just wonderful
I love the ms paint photos
ReplyDeleteHey- Congrats to Kirk. No doubt, you'll be joining him soon. And get a band-aid for that liver. Ack.
ReplyDelete