Monday, July 11, 2011

Home Is Where the Shart Is

First off, Bryan's dad's surgery went well and he's recovering just fine. Thanks to everyone for the well-wishes.

So, since my lease is up at the end of the month, this weekend I had the punch-to-the-nuts pleasure of searching for a new apartment. And while I think we've successfully found a place where a gang of hobos isn't living out of a minivan out front, it was a pain in the ass having to put up with real estate agents for two days straight. Below is an excerpt from one of my favorite agent interactions. Let's call him Fuckwit, for fondness's sake.





Two neighborhoods and one lung disease later...









Apartment hunting sucks. Especially when every brain cell in your agent's head has been ravaged by excessive kegstands. Here's one for the dude-brehs, who over the years have given me endless amusement...and, more recently, pink eye.

Cheers,

brandon

Beer: Corona
Music: Murder City Devils

34 comments:

  1. Those pictures remind me of what my own house used to look like. I remember the buck-polishing estate agent saying: "Well... beautiful yellow isn't ugly." The entire house looked like one giant Tweety bird! Every single wall was Tweety yellow. And guess what - I bought it. Good luck.

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  2. haha, best of luck with the apartment search, it's a real hassle for sure

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  3. I was insanely lucky. Found my house on the third try. Of course, down here in little Chicago, the neighborhood matters. The house I ended up with was on the market less than a week before I made the offer. Amazingly affordable and a great neighborhood.

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  4. Good luck...reminds me of apt-hunting in NYC. That's time I'll never get back.

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  5. Ah eau de catpiss. Good luck with the search and I don't think there is much hope for your agent. Do people still use the term 'brosef'? Ye gods.

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  6. pink eye is nasty...poo in the eye is never alright. I am so sorry that you have to tolerate the frat guy talk-I am pretty sure I'd have given if back to him in spades until he realized how stupid and unprofessional he sounds. "Brosef" I mean really...who says that!?

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  7. its gonna be hell getting those sh*t stains out...

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  8. I love shopping for a new address. Granted, I've not tried in your city so, I guess it's all location location location.

    Good luck!

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  9. I sometimes pee into my sink, its like having a urinal to call my own.

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  10. A toilet in the shower ?

    Are you sure it wasn't a winnebago ?

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  11. *dude-brahs

    c'mon get it right!

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  12. Ha Ha oh good luck! I think I would have tested the toilet with his fuckwit head!

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  13. Apartment hunting is the worst. They should introduce you to the neighbors too, because that's a whole other bag of piss.

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  14. Apologies but I missed the last post, good to hear it went well, good story aswell.

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  15. omg, one of the places I looked at years ago had a hole in the living room floor!

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  16. nice work buddy, keep it up!

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  17. I'm glad the surgery went well, and wish you luck in finding a new place to live. I think though that having a toilet in the shower wouldn't be all that bad, lots of people go to the toilet in showers and baths anyway

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  18. Isn't it amazing how people live? I remember the man and I looked at a house and I wouldn't even get thru the first room for the smell of cat piss. Fuck it was gross.

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  19. Sounds like a bowful of turds, um, I meant fun.

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  20. I love the colorful depiction of mold. And well, the turds in the nostril--beautiful. Happy home hunting. ;)

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  21. I fear the day I have to move out of this place and find a apartment of my own just because of crap like this.

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  22. Before we moved in here, our dingbat realtor kept showing us these terrible, terrible places until we made it clear that she wouldn't get her commission unless we found a place we could, y'know... LIVE.

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  23. Arrgghhh nasty flashbacks of my recent house hunting adventures. Nothing quite like a dark purple bathroom with nicotine stains running down the walls. And some places just smelled bad.
    Good luck with the hunt.

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  24. Glad the surgery went well! Funny post, hope the hunt goes well.

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  25. Someone went a bit mad with the airbrush. I despise dealing with people like fuckwit. Glad to hear the surgery went well.

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  26. Awesome news on Dad... the universe is quite kind at times..
    good luck on the apt search.. i would rather take a needle to my forehead than look for housing and deal with idiotic agents..

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  27. I totally feel your pain! Apartment-hunting blows. We're trying to find a new place, too. In So. Cal, it's like all the apartment complexes come together and think of all the ways they can rip renters off. One place wanted to charge a $400 pet deposit PER pet. Ridiculous.

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  28. I've been looking for an apartment as well and it fucking SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS. It's made like 4567461253 worse because I have a gigantic stupid dog and most places that are within my price range won't accept dogs over 90lbs. FML. Good luck with your search, I feel your pain.

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  29. Estate Agents suck. they are so pushy and .....meh!

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