Wednesday, July 20, 2011

False Advertising

          So the wife just got a new cellphone, and I noticed that it's hardly as advertised. I'll get back to that later in the post, but it got me thinking; almost nothing we see on TV is just like it's advertised. For example...


1) Fast Food

You see a big juicy hamburger on TV and it looks like God himself ripped some meat from his midsection and tossed it onto a bun. Too bad it never looks a thing like that.

Burger on the commercial:

What it looks like when you actually buy it:

So, who's hungry?
 


Unfortunately, I don't think they sell AIDS-free burgers. 

2) Amusement Parks

In every commercial I've seen for a theme park/amusement park, everyone's so retardedly happy to be there--like this is such a great experience, that they'll have to kill themselves afterwards because nothing from that moment on will measure up to the happiness they had at that theme park. Too bad that's never the case.

On TV:

Real life:


Unless you're 5, is there really anything THAT exciting about an amusement park? You waited in line 30 minutes so you could be flung around upside down for 45 seconds? In the process you threw up the $10 hot dog that was probably dropped on the pavement at some point by a carny reject that doesn't give a shit?

3) Video Calling

As stated (and the origin for this post), my wife just got a new cellphone, which happens to be the same cellphone I already have. It's one of the best phones on the market, and we were so excited when we heard that they have video calling. However, we quickly found that video calling was nothing like in the commercials.

The commercials:



Why are they so damn happy? We sure weren't, when we tried our first 'video call.'

Real life:


Seriously, have any of you tried this feature? It's so garbled and choppy it's almost useless, unless you really love to utter the expression "what the fuck did you just say?" over and over again.

I'm sure I left out a ton, so let me know in the comments what you think is falsely advertised on TV.

Stay classy, friends,
Bryan

Mood: FGSFDS
Beer: HLWDJO DLJE
Shower: POJSD SDAFFGR
(brought to you by video chat)

58 comments:

  1. OMG I have to be more careful drinking coffee while reading things like this - my keyboard may never be the same!!

    Oh ya, and resorts are never as nice as they look in the pictures either.... You could do a whole post on that I'm sure (ick).

    Kelly @ My Joy Project
    http://myjoyproject.blogspot.com/

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  2. video calls work fine on my phone and include nudity

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  3. I wish I was at Sea World the day the whale ate the trainer.
    (Yes I'm aware I'm totally going to hell for that comment)

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  4. Sweet Mary Martha Stewart!! This? This is why I abhor modern technology. OMG!! Sacrifice it to the phone gods, return it, and say it was defective.

    False advertising is the bane of human existence as far as I'm concerned. Go on; sacrifice. You know want to!

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  5. Great post! Most things are falsely advertised on TV, like food, clothes, people and even hoildays! You go somewhere that looks amazing on TV and get there it is a shit hole!

    And Whiskey, I am joining ya!

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  6. Hahaha that's brilliant

    I don't actually watch TV so rarely see adverts...the lynx adverts are completely unrealistic however but I guess that's the point of them, still i wish they were shit and then at least I wouldn't have to suffer death by lynx everytime I pass a prepubescent teenage boy in the street..you smell like a chemical factory idiot

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  7. OH, good to know on the video chat phone. My mom was looking into getting one to lessen her guilt about moving 3000 friggin miles away from me and her grandkids.

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  8. Why am I in this hand basket and where am I going?

    I'm pretty sure all bloggers are going to some level of hell.

    As for false advertising... how about Canada? It's always misrepresented.

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  9. I hate advertising - especially in regards to fast food. New Zealand just got it's first Carl Jr (or whatever that place is called) and were showing all these ads with huge burgers and you know they're going to be as pitiful as ever. Plus they were talking about that Paris Hilton ad and you can bet that if she was really eating those burgers everyday she wouldn't be stick thin!

    As for mobile phones - I live in an area that still doesn't have reception so I won't be buying a flash phone anytime soon.

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  10. The worst part about watching an advertisement involving a juicy-looking burger (which requires makeup artists to slather on toxic chemicals and thus make it completely inedible) is falling for it time and time again. When I see the advert I have the urge to run down to the local fast food restaurant. It’s as if the burgers have been injected with amnesia to make my stomach forget that the last five hundred and sixty eight times I went, I ended up with the leftovers of some mutant experiment.

    And I’m STILL pissed about that Super Soaker Hydro Cannon. This can’t be legal. It can’t. I can live with Lynx deodorant not sending a stampede of beautiful girls in my direction, it’s just playful humour, nobody is taking it seriously. But the Hydro Cannon commercial is an outright LIE! Nowhere did they show a guy pumping up this gun for five agonizing minutes while children pelted him with water balloons and laughed at his inability to retaliate.

    FUCK YOU NERF.

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  11. Michael Douglas asks himself the same question ... 'Can anybody tell me what's wrong with this picture? ... anybody?'
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeGk1bgBa7s

    Roller coaster happiness? I think not:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnb9pTVU5n4

    Why do you think it's the OWNERS who call it an amusement park? They've got these little James Bond cameras that they use to spy on you when you're buying that $10 hot dog ... They think it's so amusing seeing that look on your face.

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  12. How about Miller Lite being the best beer you will ever have ever? Or that by drinking Miller Lite you will instantly be happy/sexy/laid?

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  13. P.S. Drake Sigar is right ... I know someone who works at some fastfood joint and they put amnesia in your burger. I'm not supposed to leak this info, so don't tell anyone.

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  14. Those amazing diet pills. If you take these you will look like that in just 30 days. We all know how impossible that is. That really irks me but there must be thousands who buy the crap because they are still on the market. Asses!!

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  15. My friend had Vido Chat on His phone. Keeps telling me it's the greatest thing in the world. As for me, really couldn't care less.

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  16. Too funny.

    But seriously...thanks, cause I was thinking Damn I wish I'd gotten the phone with video chat. Now I'm happy again.

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  17. Those adverts for the 'slimming pants' - always worn by models who don't need them in the ads. Because what they don't tell you is when you actually are a bit voluptuous and you put them on yeah you might have a flatter belly and bum, but you get love handles in your armpits and saddlebags by your knees instead.

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  18. This post is so funny and right on! More false advertising: LEAN CUISINES! (Or any other diet food, for that matter.) The picture makes the food look delicious, or at least normal. Not true! And ever notice how deliriously happy the women in commercials are to be eating health food? Nothing wrong with eating healthy, but we all know that junk food is much more tasty than that 100 calorie yogurt they're trying to make you think is a good alternative to dessert.

    ~ Angela
    grahamandangela.blogspot.com

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  19. Great...now I am wondering how much AIDS I have consumed in my burgers.
    Loved this post!
    Jess

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  20. You think the burger is disappointing after you get it... and it looks nothing like the commercial.... you should try online dating... and see the fugly people you actually end up with.

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  21. Advertising is littered with lying bastards.

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  22. LMBO!!! I LOVED the video calling scenes!!! I want a new phone... Ive had a BlackBerry... the provider would love to sell me a Samsung Galaxy (iPhone Wanna be), but that BB sure has been reliable...

    sheesh... fukken marketing...

    ~shoes~

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  23. Backing up what Drake said. I HATE THOSE DAMN COMMERCIALS.

    Video calling DOES end up in divorce. You have discovered the secret to ending marriages.

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  24. Purchasing a "Fast-Pass" allows you to jump to the front of the line and will change your amusement park life! And they're only $495 dollars. Each. So not too shabby...

    And btw, video calling is much better in the future.

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  25. LMAO.

    We don't get hamburgers from fast food because, frankly, it's hard to tell what's in the "patty."

    As for amusement parks...I die a little every time I ride a roller coaster.
    I'd rather not wait in line to experience hell...

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  26. is that a polish beer or something? never heard of it.

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  27. hahahahahah I LOVE this blog, that was excelent A+

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  28. So thats what hamburgers with AIDS looks like... I think I have had plenty of those before! lol.

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  29. OMG that video chat was the est- Husband and I have been trying to video chat on our computers when he's in Denver, and half the time his mike doesn't work and we end up staring at each other and IMing!

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  30. LOL, Bryan. I just got a new cell phone, too. And I'm so fehkin annoyed by it that I actually wrote a fehkin poem. Oh, but my daughter downloaded Tango--for the video chat--and it's not bad. Killed my phone, but not bad. ;)

    I shoulda bought the iPhone.

    (And I hate amusement parks, too.)

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  31. I dated a commercial photographer years ago. They use things like soy sauce when taking pictures of lattes. Pictures lie!

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  32. It's because the "video chat" feature is really an excuse for "video sex" and it did't work out, right? Otherwise, how can you be mad at video phones!?! It's the Jetsons come to life! Unlike everything else they lied about, we have video phone antics! Oh that Mr. Spacely.
    Awesome art by-the-way. You two are the Picasso(s) of MS Paint.

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  33. How about any play dough commercial. They fail to mention that after you make your sundae, doll with hair and bows, hamburger, etc that the play dough will never be the same again. It will forever be mixed up and hideous. Also, any item that says, "Some assembly required" this is code for you will lose your freaking mind trying to read the Chinese instructions and drawing that look like a kid with epilepsy drew them. Screw my life.

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  34. This is the funniest blog post I've read in a while. :)

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  35. ROFL LMAO this is the funniest post i've read in a long time. GOOD STUFF! keep it up haha. everything is so true

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  36. False advertising includes horny males saying they have a twelve inch cock on their profile when they don't.

    Humph. That was really disappointing.

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  37. Now I want a God's ab meat burger!

    I think the biggest and therefor grossest false advertisement belongs to Pampers/Huggies/any damn diaper company. No leaks my ass! Never underestimate the power of prunes and oatmeal.

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  38. That rant was spot no, I have to agree 100%.
    Well done!!!

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  39. I fondly remember my first visit to Burger King, my GOD. Those burgers must have had some kind of super-AIDS O_o. As usual funny stuff. I think this blog is one of the places that doesn't false advertise, then again, you don't really advertise do you? Ah well. Nothing is really like it is in anything. I recently bought an inflatable punching bag, the picture looked awesome, my punching bag, does not.

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  40. I don't exactly buy a lot of perfume. By that I mean I don't get any. But I'm pretty sure that on application you won't be surrounded by scantily clad men and women looking at you as if you reversed into their car, whispering words like 'passion','power', and 'desire'. I could be wrong though.

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  41. You have to start an Ad Debunking animated series! You have to!!!!

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  42. So true. Ya gotta love it ha

    http://upanduppers.blogspot.com/

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  43. Funny stuff. Yanno, I don't think I even want video calling. Why would I wanna have to brush my hair and apply makeup just to make a phone call??? lol

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  44. Loved this post!!!! My daughter and I are true non-believers in the ads for Pajama Jeans. Those ads crack us up!

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  45. Ultimate post. Out of all your posts this one is my favorite, favorite,favorite.
    Exactly my thoughts and my rants.

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  46. I always crack up at the Axe deodorant commercials.

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  47. I read your comment on Steve's blog where you said you'd recently leafed through a book called Useless Japanese Inventions, or something like that. Could you be more specific on the title. I'm thinking about giving this to someone as a present...

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  48. on the same note as the burgers, subs. whenever i go into subway for a sub it looks nothing like that advertisments say it ought to. i dont konw if this is just my crappy subway though...

    damn it! i cant get into my google account because my mother got one too and hers logs her back in instalntly every fucking time.

    so not that it matters but...
    GingerGirl

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  49. Your post was really great and all... but now all I can think about is a big, fat God-meat burger. I have a feeling this won't end well.

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  50. I read about a study the other day that determined that poor people and the unemployed tend to eat cheap and unhealthy fast food.

    It made me wonder how much government money that could have gone to feeding poor people was used for the study.

    McDonalds is not a happy place. Their customers know the burgers have AIDS.

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  51. This blog is great! I'm a beginner at blogging and I was searching for funny blogs for inspiration and this one really caught my attention and kept it. I have a blog similar to this style and I need feedback. My blog is clevermixup.com

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  52. Awesome post! That burger thing is so true, all burgers have that horrid sloppy look about them. I read that in the adverts, it's not even a real burger that they made, but a Photoshop job and paint (no, not MS Paint, but physical paint - they actually paint the tomatoes, etc.

    Hmn, more false advertising...

    How about perfume ads? They make everyone look so glamorous and perfect, like if you buy this perfume you will become rich and an ass-magnet. In real life: you're just an awkward gimlet who smells like jasmine.

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  53. nearly everything......make up, clothes, food....

    someone in the advertising place really doesn't like other people

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  54. Thanks for Sharing nice explanation about false ads posting.

    Lynx

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  55. Unless better enforcement of laws against false advertising is implemented, these will never disappear. Consumer intelligence is the solution to this, make sure to buy products which get your money's worth.

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  56. The key successful weight loss is consistency. The reason why most people fail in these ventures is because they get easily discouraged when they don't see instantaneous results.

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