Friday, July 8, 2011

Dissecting Dad

         Alright guys, so today's blog post is going to be short and sweet, because I have to get going soon to see my dear old dad. He's getting some surgery done today, and what better way to honor him than to introduce you to the man that raised me.



         Yes, this is him... The classic 'dad mustache' that oddly looks good on him (he looks really weird without it). The nerdy t-shirts with wildlife artwork because he thinks it looks cool. The fanny pack. The jean shorts that don't quite reach his knobby knees. The socks that are way too high for his shoes.
         Yes, he's a little bit of a dork. I can admit it. But don't judge a book by its cover.
         This is the same guy who flew in the Air Force. The same guy who tore up the streets in a 1966 Wimbledon white V8 Mustang fastback when he was young. It was his first car, and he bought it with his own money. It inspired me to get my own Mustang a few years back.



          This is the man who got hit on by a pretty cheerleader in high school, laughed it off, and got confronted after school by the captain of the football team--her boyfriend, who was furious. He wanted to go out into the parking lot and fight my dad in front of everyone. They did, and my dad knocked his ass unconscious in one punch.
           Sounds fake, right? I always thought he was talking out of his ass and telling me stories... Until we went to visit some family and one of his old friends was there. He joked with me that he wanted to hire my dad as his personal bodyguard, and when I asked why, he recited the story to me word for word, without any help from my dad. Then my grandma laughed, confirmed it, and said to my dad, "Yeah, you got in so much trouble for that. The principal was really mad at me because I wasn't gonna discipline you, but what did he want me to do? Tell you not to stand up for yourself?"
          I'd like to think the fanny pack is just the holding place for his balls, since they're much too big to be held by those short jean shorts.
          Oh, and yes, even though he's going into surgery, today isn't a post centered around pity. It's minor surgery. He'll be fine. But I should be spending time with him instead of tooling around here on the Blogosphere.

Stay classy, friends,
Bryan

Mood: Never better
Beer: Sam Adams
Shower: Not today. Sorry anyone within a 5 foot radius of me


I really hope this isn't his surgery. And judging by his expression, the wolf agrees.

44 comments:

  1. heh, nice story, hope the minor surgery goes smoothly; reminds of my of my own father who served in the army and was someone who stood up for the little man during his life

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  2. first time here (I don't know why I write that because had I commented here before and you didn't remember me then that sucks for you not me)
    Enjoyed the post until the balls went into the fanny pack - that's disgusting.

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  3. Sorry, but I am a bit special and the word fanny pack makes me laugh!

    Hope your Dad gets better soon and great post!

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  4. Hehe your dad sounds awesome! Hope everything goes well for him :)

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  5. Your dad sounds like a super-powered George Mcfly.

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  6. Your dad is pimp! Pretty awesome to knock a dude out in one punch...and the car....sweet gentle Jesus the car! You know how I feel about them! Mama likey! What a cool guy. Hope all goes well with his surgery (even if it is minor)...I'll be saying a prayer for him.

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  7. I think I threw up a little in my mouth, when I saw boobs and mustache combined...

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  8. Your dad could literally kick my dads ass.... boobs or no boobs. Nice post!

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  9. You know, I've heard similar stories about my parents from one of my brothers... Seems when my (much) older brothers were young teens, they'd lived in a rough area, and more than once, my parents had to go beat up some of the gangster kids... My father would throw them down the stairs to my mother, who'd through them up and over the fence, out of the high rise yard... I thought he was BSing, until one of my other brothers recounted the same story.

    Interesting when you learn the kinds of things your folks were capable of, eh? Always makes you feel just a little less awesome for not doing better yourself!

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  10. Your dad rocks! And I'm with him on the length of the shorts. When your legs like that good, it's a shame to cover them up.

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  11. Why do all dads find wolf shirts stylish?? lol.

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  12. "Not today" for showers? For reals?

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  13. I need to get that wolf t-shirt. Your dad is awesome!

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  14. Nice post, Bryan. Your Dad sounds like a cool guy, kicking that idiot's ass. I wish him well. Great car, too!

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  15. Your dad sounds like an awesome guy and explains why his son is so awesome as well. Hope all goes well with surgery and love the sketch. My late hubby wore a fanny pack and while I wanted to hide, if anyone made fun of him for it, he'd have knocked them on their ass too. Maybe that's why I like the sound of your Dad. Beats to his own drum.

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  16. Your dad sounds like a keeper. The fanny pack has to go though.

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  17. A fanny pack and a lone wolf T-shirt? HOT!!!! Hope the surgery goes well and he can join you for a beer soon (but not a shower).

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  18. hope surgery goes well, he sounds like a classy guy

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  19. haha. awesome post. Your dad sounds so cool. i want to meet him. :)

    - Juliet

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  20. Balls in the fanny pack...brilliant : )

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  21. Your dad sounds pretty awesome. Hope the surgery goes fine.

    On a random side note - fanny has a totally different meaning over here so we call 'fanny packs' bum bags...

    (In case you were wondering, over here, fanny is slang for vagina.)

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  22. Hope it all goes fine though! Good on your Dad for standing up for himself.

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  23. Your dad sounds seems like a barrel of joy!

    Great layout for the site, mate

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  24. are you implying that wildlife shirts aren't cool?!

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  25. Awesome work man! Keep up the good work!

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  26. i've i had sex with a guy wearing that same exact wolf shirt.

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  27. Haha I loved reading this, your dad sounds almost as kick ass as mine, and it's good to know his "dad stories" are real, unless there's a massive conspiracy O_o, either way, I hope his surgery went well.

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  28. lol boob job!

    my dad has that same shirt actually

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  29. I hope your Dad gets well soon.

    Mine does not wear inappropriate tshirts, although he has bought a few for me.

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  30. LOL. Glad to hear that's it's just minor. Hope he's feeling better soon.

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  31. Ha.. sounds like Dad is one tough dude.. My kinda Dad.. I see where you get your "spark" from..
    Warm vibes all goes well with his surgery and yes, your place is with him. Making wise-ass jokes!!!!

    Take care

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  32. I hope all goes well (or WENT well, since I'm typing this two days after your blog was posted).

    Since you posted this great entry, you are of course obligated now to keep us apprised of his condition...

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  33. Funny post and wishes for speedy recovery

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  34. Your father sounds like a cool guy.

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  35. Your dad sounds lovely. Are you sure he isnt just a giant nerd? Sounds like nerd wear to me! Har har.

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  36. Judging your dad entirely on that one story, I would have to assume that he is going in for penile and testicular reduction surgery, because the fanny pack just can't get the job done anymore for a man with such tremendous testicular fortitude.

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  37. Awesome post! I love the cartoon of your dad: both of them. I love how you described him. And his first car would have made my husband pop a boner...Sorry, TMI? Excellent post, your dad would approve!

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  38. A mustache and a fanny pack? It's like he is baiting you to take a swing so he can beat you into submission.

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  39. Haha! I don't think his new look would be considered "minor" surgery. He wears the T-shirt well, though.

    Hope all's well with your dad, Bryan. Is he as funny as you? (I have a feeling he is.) :)

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  40. brilliant post, as usual. loved the comic

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