Wednesday, June 29, 2011

What I Don't Miss About Dating (Part II!)

        On Monday Brandon covered what he didn't miss about dating. Today, I bring you what I don't miss about dating. First, I'd like to give an honorable mention to the girl with multiple personalities that I once dated (true story, this was in the late 90's, and she thought she was Nick Carter. She talked to herself sometimes and used a heavier, deeper voice for 'Nick.'). That bitch was straight up crazy.
          No, I'm talking about these:

1. Having to listen to stuff I don't give a shit about.









 



2. This girl.


3. Having to sit through terrible 'date movies.'





4. Getting set up on a blind date with this girl, who looked decent in all the pictures my friend showed me because of one key reason.



**THAT WEEKEND**










I'm not making this up. I had a friend who set me up on a blind date with a girl who looked decent in her pictures... because she wasn't smiling in any of them. I met her for dinner and her teeth were black, brown, and yellow, and oh God she LOVED to smile about EVERYTHING.

What's more, five minutes into the date she asked, "So should we go get some condoms? Because I don't have any on me." I excused myself to the bathroom and proceeded to sprint to my car like the building was on fire. Her name really was Katie, and if she reads this: bitch, brush your damn teeth!

I think I can sum this post up with one final thought:

I've never been so happy in my fucking life to be married.

Stay classy, friends,
Bryan

Mood: Relief
Beer: All out :(
Shower: Can't wash away the image of that chick smiling

50 comments:

  1. Fucked up teeth are total wood killer. Ugh.

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  2. This was great. Seems like you had some memorable times there! Haha.

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  3. Meth Mouth: The insta-bonerkiller.

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  4. reminds me of the prostitute that jake picks up in "the sun also rises".

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  5. HAhaha..that was more entertaining than actually dating! Great illustrations by the way!

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  6. Fuckin yikes!

    That is unfortunate and disturbing.

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  7. nasty nasty nasty! I am ever thankful that I have good dental hygiene, no cat, no multiple personalities and always have a condom on me as to avoid those awkward conversations that early in a date. Maybe there is still hope for me.

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  8. dear god her teeth look like indian corn...

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  9. So the owner of Mr. Buttons... Did she really say "lol"?

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  10. Maybe she was storing some decorative Autumn corn cobs in there...

    PS, What makes you think the inane chatter goes away once you're married?

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  11. Oh geez, that must have been so awkward. I'm not a fan of blind dates myself, actually, I can't see why ANY dating is much fun. lol

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  12. Ahh now that you're married you (we) can look back and laugh. Love the smile one the best!

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  13. yes, after reading this i did brush my teeth.... twice oh. my. fucking. god. gross.

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  14. Now I'm really glad that I got $8500 worth of orthodontics and TMJ treatments when I was 32! So worth it!

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  15. Thou shalt not besmirch the McConaughey.

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  16. lol "for the love of god stop smiting*"

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  17. you seemed to have failed to notice what an amazing rack katie has. you can't have everything, friend.

    unless it's me.

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  18. LMAO once again! God, you're telling me. I've had some real doozies. No brown or black or yellow teeth, though. My cats have nicer teeth than that chick.

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  19. Dear gods, the teeth. I think I might up my brushing to four times a day now.

    And I no longer want to eat either cake or chicken.

    Though, you could probably use this as a PSA or something regarding personal hygiene. (Is is i before e except after c? I'm too lazy to spell check today.)

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  20. The last one scared the shit out of me.

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  21. So is it wrong to talk about your pussy when on a date then? ; )

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  22. Love!

    And this is why you should always floss....and never smoke crack.

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  23. That is too harsh! some guys also love to talk about their car or football or some other silly boring subject!

    You can visit my NEW blog here.

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  24. HAHA great illustrations! I especially like the black/white cinema ones. Boy, there really are some crazy people out there!

    - Juliet

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  25. seriously bitches better wash them teeth!!! good teeth make a good date. bad teeth are just run like hell!

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  26. Somewhere in those blogosphere, they could be complaining about you. But they won't have MS paint comics, so they'll automatically be terrible.

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  27. There is something so content about marriage. I loved it. I miss it. Bruce will never marry again and there is a difference in just living together. The only good thing about blind dates is you either get lucky or you get blog material.

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  28. "eat cake out of my stomach folds" made me puke in my mouth. Thanks for that.

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  29. I TOTALLY feel you on the teeth thing. I dated a guy once that looked like he had nice teeth but one day I was sitting next to him and he laughed and I could see the teeth towards the back of his mouth and they were BLACK. I almost threw up. Gross teeth R gross.

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  30. lololol this1 is better then the previous!
    really funny. thanks!

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  31. Consider it done. Now wheres my beer! :D

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  32. Good God. If every you needed a public service announcement for dental hygiene then this is it. I am currently flossing my gums away in fright.

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  33. Well, those were some rather terrifying dates!

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  34. These were better than the others. Pretty epic.

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  35. Oh god, date movies. That is something I would never put someone else through.

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  36. haha another great set of cartoons! love it

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  37. Haha, love the one about the teeth! I've been in similar situations. Great post again.

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  38. So, yellow, black and brown teeth don't turn you on? Hmmm... that just doesn't seem reasonable.

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  39. The comics from today and yesterday were awesome. Actually made me laugh out loud.

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  40. Dude! Why is it so hard to find a good and beautiful lady in dating sites? They love to pretend that they're someone else.

    alt com

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  41. bad teeth have GOT to be the absolute biggest turnoff ever!

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  42. These are two very spot on observations. I can't decide which one is the greater evil.

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  43. That girl should have gone on a blind date with a dentist sydney. I'm sure it will be a worthwhile encounter.

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  44. All are amazing cartoons. I love it very much. Thanks

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