Monday, June 27, 2011

I Don't Miss Dating (Part 1)

            It’s amazing how productive two writers can be when there’s beer involved. Last week, when I was able to hang out with co-author Bryan, we sat in a bar our bustling office and got down to work. We started a new novella and hatched plans for a new novel. We cursed the flaky literary agents of yore, and made up grandiose delusions about the ones currently reading (and loving!) our latest future-bestseller. And we even got to do an interview for kick-ass blog friend Zombies Everywhere, which you can read here. It was just like old times…except that neither one of us was single. Thank Jeebus.
            Hence the title of the post. I don’t miss dating, and here are a few reasons why…

            Reason 1- In the ‘Get-to-Know-You’ bullshitting game, there are no winners.

















            Reason 2 – Chivalry isn’t dead; it’s just not politically correct.








            Reason 3 – A stalker in-person is worth two in the bushes.











            In the end, I’m glad to be done with the dating world, and bid farewell to the many lunatics nice young ladies who have provided me with so many hours of awkward entertainment along the yellow-brick road to matrimony. As the man said, “Don’t go away mad. Girl, just go away.”

Cheers,

-brandon

Beer: Murphy’s Stout
Music: Motley Crue

42 comments:

  1. This made me happy. Well played...

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  2. Ah the dive bar, home to many a crazy chicks and meth cooks.

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  3. This was good! I don't miss dating either. And that's coming from a single lady!

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  4. I was going to think of a really witty comment that involced a meth lab and cats but nothing sprang to mind though I did have a good giggle at the image of man slaves surrounded by kitties...

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  5. Beer:30, the perfect time to get creeped out by chicks in a bar. Stable girls are definitely better.

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  6. You're such a dumb ass. You could have played it right and gotten laid AND gotten a 20% discount for meth.

    And those kittens....well, they could always come in handy when things get wet and you need something to dry your slimy hands.

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  7. hahahaha, great cartoons. there are FAR to man lunatic girls out there, i wonder how they cope!

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  8. Gotta say, the girl who paid the bill has awesome highlights in her hair.

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  9. Ha ha! I find this funny and I am still living the dating hell that you just put very well!

    @ Lemons dont make lemonade - excellent comment and I cannot beat that one!

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  10. I know exactly what you mean, unfortunately.
    That is all I can say.

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  11. Dating is the worst. It's like living without air conditioning. You're just at the mercy of the elements, and most of the elements are horrible and do horrible things to you. Then the elements give you crabs.

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  12. I agree with Lemons, you should have just gotten the discounted crystal meth or at least got some of the money she made from it. What could possibly go wrong??

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  13. I don't miss dating either- Wanna buy some meth?

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  14. You know, sometimes I miss the newness and excitement of a beginning relationship, but then I remember how much it sucks once you get comfortable around one another. Lol.

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  15. Very good but that's a lot of Meth.

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  16. a babe riding a silver shark. that painting is fucking badass!

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  17. I totally saw the meth coming. Is that a girl riding a shark? Always with the goodies!

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  18. I need to write a book about all the weird dates I have been on.

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  19. The meth girl is why I would never date in Idaho. THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!!

    But yeah, I don't miss it. The girl I'm with now was an old friend, so we cut through a lot of the dating BS and just got to the fun stuff. I haven't been on an awkward date in about 9 years.

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  20. You need better topics of conversation to discuss on a date, that's all!! Nah, good stuff. Funny as usual.

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  21. Pickleope's comment cracked me up (too)

    I don't miss dating so much as I miss the meeting, getting a crush on, making out with and then instantly being over the crush.

    That painting btw? Priceless!

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  22. LMAO!!!

    Wimins with meth-teeth...

    yum...

    ~shoes~

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  23. Oh, l don't know, if there wasn't dating, how would you know how to spot a lunatic/manic depressive at 10 paces. Or learn how to run. Fast.

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  24. i basically live in a basement with kitties as it is...at least i could be having regular sex.

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  25. The chick selling meth could have probably afforded to buy you dinner!

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  26. I hate it when that happens. Here you are on a date then the cops arrest your date because she happens to a Colombian Drug Lord.

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  27. Love the Motley reference! Made me happy. Thanks a lot, sweets...really gives us single gals out there still dating a real nice image. Man I'm fucked...I'm gonna be single forever. I thought guys would dig a stalker offering to let them be her man slave. Fuck!

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  28. hmmm... try dating a normal person

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  29. LMAO! You should start a comic. I just posted about this topic recently, SO with you. Dating sucks.

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  30. 2 things: 1. Good choice on the G & T. 2. Your cartoon is inaccurate as your meth-momma does have the typical meth pustules and grimy skin. That is all.

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  31. What if the meth was free? Would that change things?

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  32. Shit, I have 2 cats in my basement right now. But hey, I'm not blonde.

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  33. Never really done the whole dating thing. Aren't I CRAY-ZAY?! If I ever need meth then maybe I'll start.

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  34. This was brilliant (as usual). And hysterical (as usual).

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  35. One of the best things about being married is no longer having to date. So so so so so awkward.

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  36. Wonderful learn, I just handed this onto a colleague who was doing a little analysis on that. And he really bought me lunch as a result of I discovered it for him smile So let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch! Anyway, in my language, there aren’t much good supply like this.

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  37. Hilarious post! Sadly though, most of these stories really do happen in real life. With a slightly decreased level of exaggeration though.

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