As Bryan mentioned on Monday, the world didn’t end. Sadly, it’s true. Sorry folks, if you’re anything like me, you were equally disappointed to wake up Sunday morning and find that the world was still ripe with the un-raptured agents of dumbfuckery. I know, it came as a shock to everyone. But, I assure you, it’s going to be alright. We’re just going to have to live with the fact that the gullible idiots of the world really aren’t going anywhere. Church bells will continue to toll on Sundays. Televangelists will continue to blame Satan for their public homosexual affairs. Altar boys will remain nervous. Shitty, wholesome rock music will still be made. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but just sit back, grab a frosty brew, and relax. It’s all going to be okay.
The day he got married, the world only ended for Bryan’s testicles. It was a beautiful thing. And now that he’s had a good couple days to get over it and there are a thousand miles between us, I think he’s forgiven me for keeping him out all night before his wedding, drinking pitchers of Rail Yard amber and throwing paper airplane dollar bills at strippers drinking pitchers of Rail Yard amber and throwing paper airplane dollar bills at strippers.
The wedding was a lot of fun. As far as the beer, wine, and lingering bachelor party hangover would allow, I recall it going something like this…
I guarded the ceremonial wedding rings with my life...and my sphincter. A drug smuggler couldn't have done better.
Next, I gave a stellar Best Man speech.
I savored the flavorful complexity of gourmet cupcakes.
And finally, I dazzled my fiancé and Bryan’s new family with my karaoke skills. Along with the two single dudes who inadvertently became each other’s date, our vocal recreation of the Backstreet Boys was uncanny.
All in all, it was a great day, and an awesome trip home for the weekend.
Cheers,
-brandon
Music: The Turtles
Beer: Rail Yard amber (from the Wynkoop Brewpub, bitches!)
Sounds like it was an excellent wedding...Backstreet Boys though? Interesting choice...
ReplyDeleteSounds like it was fun. What a buddy you are. I want the video of the karioke. Glad it was fun for all. And also glad you liked my How I Got The Name Bouncin' Barb story! Ain't Bruce a hoot? Never a dull moment around him.
ReplyDeleteThe Wynkoop is a great brewry, I'm jealous! But in 2 weeks I'll be heading to Denver to go see Richard Cheese- front row bitches! lol Need to have plenty of beer on board for that!
ReplyDeletemywarpedworld.blogspot.com
those rainbow cupcakes sound awesome!
ReplyDeletePrecious.
ReplyDeleteAs always. :D
Sounds like fun was had by all. I for one, also celebrated the rapture by getting slobberknockered. The aftermath was ugly.
ReplyDeletemmmmm! Gourmet cupcakes!! :D
ReplyDeletehaha awesome post
ReplyDeletesounds like fun. backstreet boys?
ReplyDeleteOnly one of them?
ReplyDeleteBeer, wine, cupcakes and asspain. Hot combination :P
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ReplyDeleteThat poor, violated rainbow.
ReplyDeleteLol Your speech was probably the most epic speech at the wedding!
ReplyDeleteBest Best Man Speech EVER!
ReplyDeleteSo you pulled that one out your ass huh?
ReplyDeleteI was super excited when I heard jesus was bringing raptors back.
ReplyDeleteAlso hilarious rainbow face, love it.
Hahaha i luv u both- Bryan & Brandon. Now that i know u are two different people, i'm beginning to pay closer attention to who writes what post :)
ReplyDeleteand LOL, i heard people were selling their property in anticipation of judgement day!! :P
"And altar boys will remain nervous."
ReplyDeleteI laughed. Hard.
I found your whole rapture speech HILARIOUS. And the comics were PRICELESS, as usual.
......you had me at strippers.
ReplyDeletearggg the backstreet boys !
ReplyDeleteCUPCAKES!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThat sounds awesome! And the rapture bit had me laughing out loud.
ReplyDeletelol I'm terrified about what my buddy will say in his speech at my wedding.
ReplyDeletehahaha
ReplyDeletecanary diamond or a corn kernel
hahahah!!!!!
Yeah, the Christians are still here...
ReplyDeleteSounds great
ReplyDeleteDiamonds are a good source of fiber.
ReplyDeleteCongrats! Sounds like a most excellent party. And since Doomsday has been postponed? You'll have time for a little honeymoon.
ReplyDeleteNice. What no youtube recordings of this karaoke? boo.
ReplyDeleteI sacrificed my cats in preparation for the rapture. I didn't want them to be left alone to die of starvation and loneliness. Now I'm the one that's lonely...
ReplyDeleteI'm glad his wedding went well. Congrats Bryan. And Brandon... I hope you used a condom because I heard that rainbow cupcake is a whore.
I'm betting it was a corn kernel. That is a great place to keep wedding rings though, especially when they're not yours. I'm sure the bride and groom really appreciated that :-D
ReplyDeleteI so wish you posted the backstreet performance on youtube.
ReplyDeleteNow every guy needs a best man like that. ;)
ReplyDeleteBackstreet boys, jeez that takes me back. Someone gave me a backstreet boys t-shirt once.. I think it's in my storage room somwhere. Congrats again on the wedding
ReplyDeleteWould love to see your karaoke skills!
ReplyDeleteYou can visit my blog here.
Yay for the celebration!
ReplyDelete