Monday, May 2, 2011

I Know Why the White Whale Squeaks

            It happens without rhyme or reason, at all hours of the day. One second I’m writing trashy erotica the next great American novel, reading Penthouse Forum classic literature, or blackout drunk peacefully unconscious, and the next my apartment is filled with the sound of thunderous explosions from above. I look all around, expecting the ceiling to collapse at any second. Do I have time to rescue Teddy Ruxpin? Or my fiancé? Sorry, babe, but Teddy is 1/8 your size and has a tape deck in his back. I mean, my old Naughty by Nature cassettes aren’t going to play themselves. Fortunately for all of us, however, this ancient building isn’t collapsing…yet.
So, what’s going on? Why does it sound like Godzilla is drinking sour mash and playing Dance Dance Revolution in the upstairs apartment? I have no idea. Now, I know my neighbor is a pretty hefty fellow, but even the floorboards in Rosie O’Donnell’s kitchen can’t take this much excessive punishment. What the hell is he doing up there at random, odd hours of the day and night? I can only guess…

What the hell is all the racket?



What could be going on up there, Teddy?




Maybe it's a dance partyy-aaaargh!


Cheers,
-brandon

Beer: Lagunitas Undercover Investigation Shutdown Ale
Music: The White Stripes



40 comments:

  1. Save the teddy! Leave the fiance...

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  2. Teddy Ruxpin has gotta be a collectors item these days and no I am not admitting I remember when they first came out..

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  3. I do remember when Teddy Ruxpin came out but my son's first serious toy was Alphie the robot. God I am getting old. Anyway, are you absolutely positive that there isn't wild, beast sex going on up there?

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  4. at least you can make light of the situation, i would be genuinely pissed about that.

    lol @ gorillaz playing DDR haha

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  5. Literally everything in this blog post made me laugh till almost-death.

    Btw. This is a marriage proposal.

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  6. Teddy only drinks white wine spritzers. Because that's how he rolls.

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  7. Might I suggest a little Teddy vs Godzilla smack-down.

    Mortal Kombat XXIV is out and it might make a great match-up.

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  8. Oh how I don't miss apartment living. Except when shit breaks and I can't just make a call.

    My best girl currently has a drag queen who's in love with the sound of size 12 stilettos clomping across the hardwood floors above her place.

    Teehee...he said Teddy Ruxpin

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  9. Hah, beer and bears, who needs the broads? Let Hulk and Godzilla wrestle it out.

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  11. Seems like a pretty sound theory to me.

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  12. fuck yeah teddy ruxpin, also did not notice the weeds. wonder whta i was looking at now...

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  13. decisions, decisions...hahaha

    http://anatomyofsarcasm.blogspot.com/

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  14. Did that teddy bear just own everything?! hahaha

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  15. Yay! I loved Teddy Ruxpin, although I always suspected he had a bit of a drinking problem.

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  16. Lol, entertaining as always :)

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  17. I live in an old building and it always makes funny noises. I ask people what it could be and they say it is just the building settling. Really, 100 years old and it is still settling?

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  18. wait...you've attached a boom box to your dog? that's a hell of an idea!

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  19. Maybe he is doing some drunk mud sumo wrestling?

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  20. Maybe he's having sex with a female sumo.

    ;)

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  21. Bang on the ceiling with a broom.

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  22. lol Teddy Ruxpin....bad memories...bad bad memories

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  23. dr.phil to palin to mario ddr haha wat

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  24. Teddy Ruxpin has always creeped me out. I don't want to dream with him tonight or any night.

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  25. Oh my, do I ever love Teddy Ruxpin...

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  26. River Dance. River Dance my friend

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  27. Don't lean on the bar, cheaters.

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  28. Haha. You're too funny! Love this post.

    - Juju :)

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  29. haha, very funny, like always

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  30. LOL! What interesting neighbors you have. Think of the material they provide for you!

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  31. Just admit it already, Teddy Ruxpin IS your fiancee.

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  32. Down with BYOB... clever.

    Also, congratulations as I couldn't tell if you had it or not, you've got a nomination for the Stylish Blogger Award back on my site today!

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  33. crazy!!

    I laugh so much when you scratch the text!!

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  34. great comics, did you draw them?

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  35. Thanks guys. And, yup, Bryan and I draw all of these...uh, gems.

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  36. I'm attempting the whole 'drawing my own pics' thing... Is it just me being blonde or does it take forever!?! Please lie! Hahaha.... Hmmmm *silence*
    Anyway! Great post as usual! I envy your blog!!! But not in a 'Rebecca DeMornay, Hand that rocks the cradle' kinda way! I AM NOT GOING TO TRY AND BREAST FEED YOUR BLOG!!! Unless you're into that!?! :/

    Hahahaha.... Jen xoxo

    http://jensspaghettiblog.blogspot.com

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