Friday, May 6, 2011

Handcuffs and VD

           So, as many of you know, Bryan’s wedding is coming up in a couple weeks. And while my trip back to Denver involves the testicle shriveling process of airplane flight, this time, I’m actually happy to do it. Not because I’m proud to be part of the ceremony celebrating Bryan’s lifelong devotion to matrimonial nookie, or anything so selfless. Nor do I have a particularly embarrassing Best Man speech prepared, unless you count Trixie, the drunken prostitute I’ve hired to deliver it for me at the reception.
No, I’m excited because I plan on spending the night prior wandering the bars of downtown Denver getting Bryan blindingly drunk as a proper farewell sendoff from the land of bachelordom. Will he get arrested for pissing in the street? Or maybe hijack a taxi cab full of strippers and drive through the park chasing the homeless? Or will he just settle for a little syphilis from Trixie? I hear she's been putting a lot of time in with her Shake Weight lately to get ready for the big day. Who knows!
I’m looking for suggestions, my friends. How best can I ensure that this night is one Bryan will never remember, and one that his mugshot won’t let him forget?


Cheers!

-brandon

Music: Led Zeppelin
Beer: None. Early work…on Saturday.

40 comments:

  1. 1] tranny hooker
    2] midget strippers
    3] slideshow of a family nobody knows
    4] lots of food that may induce vomiting

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  2. I agree with Violet anything that involves midgets will be awesome hahah

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  3. congrats, hope all goes well

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  4. Vanerial disease and handcuffs... Sounds like a good night! :D

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  5. Damn, I suck at thinking of nefarious things to do. The last couple of bachelor parties I was consulted on ended up with everyone getting drunk and watching sit coms.... I guess if you drink enough pretty much anything seems like a good idea.

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  6. you can't go wrong with syphilis

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  7. It is funny that so many people mentioned a tranny strip show because that is exactly what my best friends husband did...then again we were in Key West and that's kinda the thing there. The girls went out on the town one way and they guys the other and apparently they had a blast there. Who knew. They also visited the clothing optional rooftop restaurant (I'd have passed) and a couple other bars.
    I've had other friends hit up a baseball/hockey/football game with a party bus. Another friend of mine went on a coed groomsmen and bridal party bonanza w/party bus and hitting all the clubs in FL. I say no matter how you go the party bus is usually the best option. Tons of fun. No matter what you do...please, pretty please, for me call a woman "sugartits". Seriously. Do it. Hilarious.

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  8. Try Rohypnol or Ketamine he won't remember anything!! Poor lad!!
    Congratz on the award!

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  9. hmmm, perhaps when he is really drunk you can organise a little "manscaping" for him to surprise the bride with. wax on intimate parts is always fun. But really I am with the others. Strippers might be the standard but always fun.
    (oh the waxing to be done by a proffessional, not suggesting you do it)

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  10. midget strippers are always nice to have

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  11. What Violet and Ray said my friend.

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  12. Go cheap and get him the "tall" midgets and then a hot dog eating contest after you finish a Guiness drinking contest.

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  13. Go to Sing Sing there across from the Rockies stadium under the Chop House and start out your night getting drunk while singing 80's hits to dueling pianos- from there it's just a short stagger to Colfax for the hookers!


    mywarpedworld.blogspot.com

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  14. You've got a ton of ideas here and they all sound good. Can't wait to hear what you decide on. Just make sure the wedding takes place and the groom doesn't vomit on the brides dress!

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  15. Go to the 16th Street Tavern on 16th and Welton. It's "Denver's Greatest Dive". I suggest wearing body armor. And maybe bring a weapon; for protection, of course. If you get out of there alive, (and with your hearing) The Diamond Cabaret is just up the street. Gauranteed to find, at the very least, a scorching case of herpes. Have fun. And congrats on the award!

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  16. If the scene the next morning resembles The Hangover, you know you did it right. Just be sure to get Bryan off the roof.

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  17. Sounds like you'll be having a fun time.

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  18. Oh my.

    I have serious doubts about any kind of stag event 24 hours prior to The Day. Rookie mistake.

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  19. Congrats!

    So...Bryan and Brandon, how do I know which one of you comments on my blog? I'm just wanting to know who is the funny one? Or are you both funny? haha. Good luck with the planning! Lol @ matrimonial nookie.

    - Juju x

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  20. midget pole dancers - they're awesome...

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  21. All you need is a couple 40's of tequila. And you need to hire someone to stay sober enough to videotape the whole thing. That's about all you'll need because the Tequila will do the heavy lifting for ya.

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  22. go to casa bonita. just a lovely restaurant.

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  23. have a nice wedding. can't help you with that question.
    cool post :D
    also you have good taste in music :))

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  24. lol. there's some entertaining advice in these comments

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  25. Nice post! Have a grand wedding! remember its beer thirty somewhere.

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  26. I would think you were a bad friend if you did'nt help your friend get plastered the night before being dismissed from single-manhood...hahahahaha

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  27. watch How I Met Your Mother and get tips from Barney. ;)

    That being said, Barney is all into "hookers" doing "circus tricks," so...

    You might want to bring a helmet and twenty thousand sanitized condoms if you decide to do that.

    Haha. Good lucking with the planning!

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  28. Just don't get Bryan arrested! And congrats on the award. :)

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  29. By the way You have been nominated for the Zomtastic Blogger Award by yours truely! Stop by my page and check it out! http://zombehseverywhereman.blogspot.com/

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  30. All plans get thrown out the window after a certain number of drinks anyway!

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  31. dang, I was away for the weekend and did not pick up a PC and what hit me in the face: Handcuff and VD.

    Unfortunately, I missed the party and will have to get the recap.

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  32. be his first gay experience.

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  33. Thanks for the link, the award was well deserved. I really need to consider removing Joel (my last guest poster) from the frontpage of my site. People keep mistaking me for him. :-D

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