Friday, April 1, 2011

Terribleness: An Epidemic

        The unfortunate thing about writing, just like any other good art form -- drawing, acting, music, etc -- is that any idiot can do it. For every musical masterpiece, you have a thousand idiots on Youtube making their own musical abortion (you're welcoming for linking that, btw. Good luck getting that shit out of your head).
         The same goes for writing. For every literary masterpiece that tugs at your heartstrings, there's literally thousands of awful, poorly written stories, like this one, floating around on the Internet.

An empty house stood across from where they lived. It was two different worlds coming together, they had their own stories and their own lives. Huey looked through the window of his room, he was always thinking about things. He was half Samurai and half knowledge.

"Hey, Huey!" yelled Riley, he sounded like he was starting trouble. "I heard that a bunch of Ninja's moved into that house! I'm going to mess wit them! Yeah, that's what I'm going to do."

"Why? Why do you want to cause trouble now? That's disrespectful...they're our new neighbors." Huey paused. "I wouldn't start anything. Unless, they all use their skills to hurt you. Don't come crying back to me when that happens."

"That won't happen, I'll shoot them all!" Riley laughed as he ran outside. Huey sighed, he didn't want things to start and they probably were going to. "Come on, Huey. Watch me take them out."

Riley was already out the door before Huey finished his sentence. Huey turned on the television as he read books to past time. He looked at the house in the distance, he wondered how many ninja's swarmed the house probably more than he was thinking. Huey walked outside of the door as he watched Riley peek over the fence as he saw the students and the Sensei's work on their moves. Riley watched Sasuke, he was performing his "Fire style Justu" everyone watched the ninja perform with speed. Riley hit the wall with a stone as Neji backed into it. He withdrew his kunai as jumped over the fence, Riley dropped the gun and looked up at the prestigious ninja.

         Jesus, did you make it all the way through that? If so, congrats. I could barely copy and paste it, let alone read it.
         But wait, terribleness doesn't extend to just music and writing. After last night, I've seen that this can apply to movies too. As part of Adult Swim's annual April Fools, they air the movie The Room at midnight.
          If you've never seen this little gem, you might want to. It's been lauded as the worst movie of all time and is laughably bad. It's a self made, self funded, self acted, overly dramatized, and poorly acted out movie that was written by a man who doesn't speak English as a first language, so all of his characters talk exactly like he does--awkwardly. Below are some highlights:

Can you feel his anger?
Smooth transition to greeting his friend
I can usually buy my lady flowers in under 20 seconds as well

         Sufficed to say, this movie had me laughing out loud at how ridiculous and how terrible it was. But here's where I'm torn; are we slapping art in the face by embracing these terrible attempts, even if they're funny (for the wrong reasons)? Am I an asshole for laughing like an idiot, and genuinely being entertained by this drivel for its entire 2 hours? I don't know. I think as long as I'm alive and writing, there will always be the Twilights of the world that get major success, despite being just as terrible on screen as they are off the screen. So how do you guys feel? Should we embrace these awful abominations and have a good laugh at them, or should we ignore them until they all go away, so that we can embrace more of the good ones that are going unnoticed?

Stay classy, friends,

Mood: Guilty (for enjoying the movie)
Beer: Goes nicely with a bad movie
Shower: You're tearing me apart, shower!

PS for those who have been inquiring about my MSPaint madskills, I'll be taking everyone on a tour of how I create this crappy-ass artwork on my next post. Stay tuned!


  1. im happy any idiot can do as they please and your artwork is not crappy

  2. we can ignore them all we want, but they'll never go away.

    that movie looks awesome.

  3. I have The Room downloaded, I just can't make myself watch it. It's not time yet. I'll know when it's right.

  4. Hollywood ran out of original ideas years ago. And they aren;t reading the right screenplays. Even a multi-million dollar movie these days is just as horrible as the movie above. As for music, if there isn't a formula for it, it's probably good. Everyone wanst to be a writer, especially a poet. Lucky for us, there are enough good people out there who can tell the difference between quality and sh*t. Keep up the good work.

  5. I'm glad I had a few cocktails before reading and watching this. At least now I don't feel like I wasted any brain cells. They were about to get banished for being weak anyway.

    I can't wait to hear about the mad skills. Mine suck!

  6. Sadly, the crap will continue

  7. i knew that first link was gonna be to rebecca black, i just knew it. and i think it's nice that you watched that movie for it's comedic value. at least it's being watched.

    though i'm not sure i could get through the whole thing without putting a gun to my head.

  8. hey,
    I think its ok to be entertained by this things as long as you know what really good things are.

    why would you make me know rebecca black? why would you do that? why? why?
    beware of my vengeance!

  9. p.s. I agree with ed, your artwork is not crappy!

  10. HAHAHA OMG!!!! My boyfriend showed me the previews for this movie on Youtube months ago and we've been talking about having a drunken viewing party. We've just never gotten around to it. We'll have to make this a priority.

    And I did get through the whole ninja thing. Wow. Just wow. Please tell me a 12 year old kid wrote it.

  11. I am constantly surprised and disappointed by how many feature films and well-produced songs and just claw-your-face-off wretched.

    I mean, writing is a solitary venture for the most part. One person can sit there and have an off day and write something horrible.

    It happens.

    But with movies and corporate pop, there ought to be layers between the moron coming up with it and… ME! Someone along the line – while money is being poured into the project – ought to have the sense to say, “Whoa! Has anyone really looked at this? It’s awful!”

    Feature films require a boatload of people. Have you ever sat through closing credits of even the smallest budget film and counted the names?

    I don’t get it.

  12. LOL i did not hit her... oh hi mark! Man I have to see this movie for the the acting LOL

  13. hahaha the last video clip is so funny, like they are such awful actors..smh
    and as for the story, ui cldnt read the whole thing cos my energy level kept reducing for some reason lol

  14. Omg my brother just showed me the Rebecca Black video yesterday and I basically just got it out of my head. Now you've put it back. Thanks for that. I still don't understand why there are 12 year olds driving cars in that video. There's awesomely bad, like that movie, and then there's just stupid.

  15. funny...oddly the rest of my comment was sucked into the black hole created by that video...

  16. Rebecca Black for president, her music is fantastic so is the video, she'll be No1 soon in the charts, they should make a TV movie of her life and write a book as well, I can't get enough of R B, hang on April Fools was yesterday???.......

  17. Oh hey... Look what day it is today!

  18. oh god, frieday and the room together in a post!?

  19. lol
    rebecca is a warning sign how low humankind can get

  20. "You are tearing me apart Lisa" was that he said?
    Does he take english lessons, I may want to signup.
    and I am also signing for lyrics lessons from Rebecca Black.

  21. im so happy i only listen to music that has guitars in it

  22. Examples of the expansion of Sturgeon's Law here. The original:"90% of science fiction is crap." Fixed: "90% of EVERYTHING is crap."

  23. i swear if i read another blog that has rebecca black on it, i will stop following them and just out of the 5th floor.

  24. New around here and just wanted to say that you really do have awesome MS paint skills. Looking forward to reading more :)

  25. Fuck you for making me watch that bullshit.


  26. I don't see any need for people to ignore something that amuses us just because it entertains us in a way that is other than was intended. The creator of the Room and Rebecca Black are both making bank. While their work is universally panned, things like Twilight or teens who have huge studio releases get much, much crueler reactions. As long as it's done in good fun there's no harm, it's just that - a bit of fun.

  27. Oh God, I really don't have the patience I used to. I ask the standard question, "Is this for real?" and move on. I'd much rather spend my time reading B & B. ;)
    Yes! A tour!!

  28. You are so right, it's so easy to try and rip off something...

  29. he sophistication of your writing never ceases to astound me in the most delightful way...for realz

  30. Sadly, the Age of Information, mixed in with a hearty dose of pop-culture and reality television, has created an entire generation of people who not only think that fame is the ONLY relevant measure of success, but believe that they are all artists waiting to be discovered AND that it should come easily and instantaneously.

    It is not, they are not and it WILL NOT.

    Digital cameras came along, and suddenly everyone is into photographry, blogging made EVERYONE an aspiring writer, youtube, myspace... FUCK... people who say that they are musicians, when all they listen to is the RADIO!?!?!?!??!

    Enough. Seriously, enough.

    The good stuff is still out there, but I am sick of how much BAD SHIT we need to sift through to find it.

  31. It's like Banksy said in "Exit Through the Gift Shop" - "I used to encourage everyone to create art. Not so much anymore."

    Not all art is art...some is just dung.

  32. Garrhhh this video goes around in the office every Friday now, we are thinking of doing a follow is going to be called "Saturday"

    It goes like this:

    It is Saturday, Saaattuurdayyyy ..Sat Sat Satuurrdayy.
    Should have sat in the front as I got whip-slashed in the back....nanana

  33. Had to watch those clips again, and again..and again. It's all gonna continue whether we like it or not, so if we can laugh at it, then that's a bonus.

  34. Sheer badness is a quality all of it's own. Enjoy it when it's amusing!

  35. You really shouldn't post short stories from Brandon's journal. It's just not nice.

  36. Some people don't realize how bad some artwork is. I wonder why? Maybe they don't have any reading/grammar/music/art skills.

    But yet again that's some people.

  37. We all know that mediocrity is the norm; maybe if those kids' parents wore a condom that fateful night, it wouldn't be the issue that it is today.

    I saw it all the time when I wrote my own crap (and most of it was). But most people who do that are too chickenshit to turn the pendulum inwards :p

    It's a shame; if it weren't for the emokids writing their dreck all day, I might have stayed in my writing community.