Sunday, March 27, 2011

Rancid Rock


So, I went to a pretty good concert last night. Good meaning that it punched about five years off the lifespan of my eardrums, and the high music quality made it a fair trade. Last night the bands were great, but sometimes it’s a crapshoot when hitting up a rock show; there’s always a decent chance that the bands on the playbill will assault your ears with the instrumental equivalent of prison rape.
There’s nothing worse than bad live music, and despite common practice, increasing the decibels doesn’t mask a lack of talent. Nothing against the guys who are just trying to get their stage practice in, but as with any art, sometimes people just suck. For instance, while I’m a music junkie, I gave up any aspirations at rockstardom years ago. Maybe it’s because I’m too lazy to practice. Maybe it’s because I pick the wrong instruments. Or maybe it’s because I’ve got the natural rhythm of a crackhead with cerebral palsy. Either way, I’ve appropriately given up my share of instruments over the years.
First: the trumpet. In second grade, I huffed and I puffed that horn for all of three days, with the only result being a blown blood vessel in my eye, and the ability to do a passable impression of Rosie O’Donnell before feeding time.
Second: the bongo drums. Since I went to college in Boulder—neo-hippie capital of the world—of course I had to take a stab at the art of handslap percussion. Once the party haze cleared, and sobriety eventually shed light on my skills, I quickly discovered that neither I nor the Grateful Dead sounded quite so talented anymore.
Third: As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, I still try to play the harmonica. I’m no Charlie Musselwhite, but I’m not godawful. But, that doesn’t mean I’ve got aspirations for getting up on stage and torturing anybody with my rendition of Copacabana anytime soon. No, I save those pretentious superstar daydreams for thoughts of sitting at a signing table in front of a mountainous stack of books filled with my drivel, a beer in hand, and a line of fans wound around the building.  A guy can dream, right?

Cheers,
-brandon

Beer: Hamm’s
Music: Counterpunch

21 comments:

  1. Haha. There are different ways to be entertained. It's not always the quality of the performance that mesmerizes me at a show. (To that end, here's to hoping Rebecca Black comes through Houston soon!)

    I was at an Elf Power show a few years back where they used a reel-to-reel tape player for... something. The tape was too tight and it squealed, blowing out my right ear, which rattles at loud noises to this day. The show wasn't worth it, but you rack up battle scars at these things...

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  2. from the land of sky blue waters...
    comes a beer that's so refreshing...

    where did you score a Hamms? i can only find it in minnesota and wisconsin, when the wind blows just right...

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  3. Even drunk, I'm sure you play the harmonica better than Bob Dylan. Probably sing better than him too.

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  4. They say when I sing it's like the sound of a man masturbating with a cheese grater, only worse.

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  5. I always wanted to play the violin but I have the musical talent of a dead squirrel.

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  6. I remember seeing Oasis at Glastonbury (music festival). They produce great albums, kicking tracks...but totally suck on stage.

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  7. I had to play the alto sax in junior high. I gave it up to pursue the xylophone.

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  8. i used to play piano but i gave it up because i was being forced to play it and i was good at it but under pressure it was frustrating

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  9. Harmonica is definitely an underrated instrument.

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  10. I can't play or sing to save my life.

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  11. every non classically trained musicians i met lack discipline. seeing a band live is always cool

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  12. It's hard to make it in the music industry. Too much competition :(. I rather just make music for fun :D

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  13. My prowess at the harmonica is limited to "Mary had a little lamb."

    After all, you need to be good at blowing to play the harmonica, and I'm pretty sure my blowing skills suck.

    Wait. I've a feeling I've stopped talking about the harmonica.

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  14. Oh - a harmonica version of Copacabana! That's original - I'd go with that one. ;)

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  15. I get all tingly when someone plays blues harmonica!!! Don't ask...

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  16. When I saw Motorhead, my hearing wasn't really restored until a couple of days later, but they were actually pretty good.

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  17. Bad acts are entertaining too. You could make it even more entertaining by taking a flame thrower with next time.

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  18. I agree bad live music sucks but I do have some music ability thankfully.
    Which reminds me that I should practice.

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