It's the End of the World As We Know It

          First off, I just wanted to say that Brandon and I are 55,000 words into our new novel, and I'm at 15,000 words with my own individual novel, which is getting more and more readable as time passes. With enough work, it may be in a book store at some point in its life, rather than crumpled up in a trash can in frustration (which is already piled high with some verbal abortions I once thought were gold).
          Also, I wanted to share some more wedding news with you guys. No, I'm not gonna be overdoing it with wedding stuff until you're disgustingly sick of me, but this news is just too good to pass up.
          Our wedding day is May 21st, 2011, which is also, according to a new group of Christian nutjobs, the day the world ends! Judgment Day!
         http://www.familyradio.com/index2.html
         Check it out! "The Bible guarantees it!" Not only that, but these nutjobs have taken out billboards all over town, and are making headlines all across the world.
         If you don't feel like reading the website, and I don't blame you, there are a lot of amazing mathematical equations coincidences that point to everyone's imminent death happening on my very wedding day. See, the Bible says that a day with God is as 1000 years, just as 1000 years is a day, meaning firstly, that God is apparently bad company, because hanging out with him for a day is like hanging out with him for 1000 years (which I think is bullshit, because anyone who created this is definitely someone to grab a beer with). Second, since God warned Noah he would destroy the world in 7 days, and that was 4990 BC, if you turn 7 days into exactly 7000 years that's May 21st, 2011. Sounds concrete, right?
         Anyways, stop by and check it out. The site also contains the gem: "Gay pride: planned by God as a sign of the end." Definitely worth a chuckle.
         And in the meanwhile, I thought, okay, what IF the rapture happened on my wedding day? Could we at least get married first? Or would Jesus just come in, kicking ass and taking names?

Currently wielding: Barbed wire covered spear and safety scissors

        Not the reverend! We paid good money to get him ordained online! Is no one safe?

Exchanging vows in my snazzy banana yellow tux

Currently wielding: a scimitar and the 4 Fondue Skewers of the Apocalypse

             He cut off the better side of my face, fondue skewered my brain, AND cut off my tits? Man, this is not a good day. How is my blushing bride holding up?

Currently wielding: The Cat of 4 and a Half Tails and the Holy Soup Ladle of the Apocalypse

  

           And where's the best man? I think I saw him wander over to the bar. Is he safe?

Currently wielding: Double-barrel shotgun and my fiance's severed head

Just as in life, Brandon spends his death soaking up alcohol at the bar

           If anyone is interested in attending, we are registered at the Seventh Circle of Hell, and the reception will be hosted at the Pit of Smoldering Pain and Torture. Hope to see you there!

Stay classy, friends,
Bryan


Mood: Blown up
Beer: I'm trying to drink it, but it keeps leaking out of my stab wound
Shower: A lot redder than I remember them being