Wednesday, March 16, 2011

It's the End of the World As We Know It

          First off, I just wanted to say that Brandon and I are 55,000 words into our new novel, and I'm at 15,000 words with my own individual novel, which is getting more and more readable as time passes. With enough work, it may be in a book store at some point in its life, rather than crumpled up in a trash can in frustration (which is already piled high with some verbal abortions I once thought were gold).
          Also, I wanted to share some more wedding news with you guys. No, I'm not gonna be overdoing it with wedding stuff until you're disgustingly sick of me, but this news is just too good to pass up.
          Our wedding day is May 21st, 2011, which is also, according to a new group of Christian nutjobs, the day the world ends! Judgment Day!
         http://www.familyradio.com/index2.html
         Check it out! "The Bible guarantees it!" Not only that, but these nutjobs have taken out billboards all over town, and are making headlines all across the world.
         If you don't feel like reading the website, and I don't blame you, there are a lot of amazing mathematical equations coincidences that point to everyone's imminent death happening on my very wedding day. See, the Bible says that a day with God is as 1000 years, just as 1000 years is a day, meaning firstly, that God is apparently bad company, because hanging out with him for a day is like hanging out with him for 1000 years (which I think is bullshit, because anyone who created this is definitely someone to grab a beer with). Second, since God warned Noah he would destroy the world in 7 days, and that was 4990 BC, if you turn 7 days into exactly 7000 years that's May 21st, 2011. Sounds concrete, right?
         Anyways, stop by and check it out. The site also contains the gem: "Gay pride: planned by God as a sign of the end." Definitely worth a chuckle.
         And in the meanwhile, I thought, okay, what IF the rapture happened on my wedding day? Could we at least get married first? Or would Jesus just come in, kicking ass and taking names?


Currently wielding: Barbed wire covered spear and safety scissors


        Not the reverend! We paid good money to get him ordained online! Is no one safe?

Exchanging vows in my snazzy banana yellow tux

Currently wielding: a scimitar and the 4 Fondue Skewers of the Apocalypse


             He cut off the better side of my face, fondue skewered my brain, AND cut off my tits? Man, this is not a good day. How is my blushing bride holding up?


Currently wielding: The Cat of 4 and a Half Tails and the Holy Soup Ladle of the Apocalypse
  
           And where's the best man? I think I saw him wander over to the bar. Is he safe?


Currently wielding: Double-barrel shotgun and my fiance's severed head

Just as in life, Brandon spends his death soaking up alcohol at the bar

           If anyone is interested in attending, we are registered at the Seventh Circle of Hell, and the reception will be hosted at the Pit of Smoldering Pain and Torture. Hope to see you there!

Stay classy, friends,
Bryan


Mood: Blown up
Beer: I'm trying to drink it, but it keeps leaking out of my stab wound
Shower: A lot redder than I remember them being

46 comments:

  1. Congrats thats pretty sweet! I just stopped by to show my support :D

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  2. Very good to read that your writing is moving along so well. And ... Happy Almost Wedding Day.

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  3. Congrats on the books and on the wedding day. I'm not religious. I don't want to offend others but the bible is a book of stories. When it happens, it happens and in the meanwhile, drink red beer (with tomato juice) and it will blend in with the blood if it's leaking out your stab wounds!!!

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  4. Nooooo! I though we had until the end of 2012!
    I'm quitting my job and getting smashed until then.

    Congrats and I hope you at least get to sample the buffet before Jesus saws your head off.

    visions unto myself

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  5. wow. who knew jesus could be such a douche?

    besides the family radio nutjobs. obviously.

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  6. Wow, Jesus is such a badass!! I imagine him being played in this scene by Vin Diesel!

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  7. you are getting weirder, congrats on your novel

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  8. wut...

    Hey I like that you interpreted Jesus as black, because believe it or not, I agree with you!

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  9. i wanna see these sideburns in real life. so i can compare. i think mine are better. then again i can grow mine into any style. challenge accept? as for the world ending, thats gonna be epic. doom sex for the win

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  10. ...Congrats on the wedding but that does sound a little...whatever. Hope the world doesn't end till after the wedding night for you guys.

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  11. my evil twin's first guest post on dribble..., mynx's site, was about this very date...

    not your wedding but the end of the world....

    see you on the 12th of may!

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  12. LOL man that jesus is too epic! I would like to attend this wedding it sounds like it would be a great experience hahaha

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  13. Congrats on the writing and wedding!

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  14. I like how you captured the artistic effect that happens when you combine a shotgun and someone's brain. It's nice to have these things out of the way before the end (which is even closer now).

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  15. Congrats on the writing... I hope I'm lucky enough to die at a bar.

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  16. Good one and verbal abortions, its got to be better than that:D

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  17. With enough work, it may be in a book store at some point in its life, rather than crumpled up in a trash can in frustration (which is already piled high with some verbal abortions I once thought were gold).
    I often take my unwritten book to book stores, it’s the closest it’s ever going to get to print….

    Sorry I won’t be able to make the wedding, apparently I’m going to be very busy being judged for the new reality TV show “It’s the end of the world, so what are you going to do with your last four minutes….” I don’t think I’ve got much hope of making it through though, I’ve been informed by placard that the whole world and his wife are going to be involved

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  18. Congrats on your upcoming wedding!
    Lets have a BBQ party in hell! I'll provide the heat! =D

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  19. I really hope Jesus doesn't come in May.

    There are so many things I want to do and there's no way I'm going to voluntarily leave this earth without losing my V-card first.

    And I doubt I can do that in two months.

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  20. My money was always on zombie apocalypse, but Jesus Beatdown sounds pretty awesome to watch.

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  21. Oh I think you'll all be fine come May 21.
    Those cartoons are so ridiculous, I love them!

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  22. I had no idea there was a solid date for when god flooded the earth. Neat. And how clever of them to figure out the day/year conversion between deity and human; we're lucky it turns out to be such an even conversion!

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  23. Good job! I am however very confused :D

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  24. This could be one of the movies I review on my blog...

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  25. Hahaha, I'm sorry but that second picture threw me completely off track. It was like showing a squirrel party to a kid with ADD while he's trying to read instructions to a test.

    Also, I'm supposed to be moving out at the end of May. This might be good news for me since I know I won't be getting back my security deposit.

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  26. haha i'm also trying to write a novel. it still doesnt look readable though :/

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  27. very interesting post..i will try to survive :D

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  28. I love me some Black Jesus!!!! lmfao

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  29. i might just book it off work....just in case.
    I'd hate the rapture to happen and have to miss it due to a meeting

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  30. Congrats on the date, that's probably not an easy one to get.

    I recommend you hop over to Canada after your ceremony; it's the Victoria Day Weekend (aka May Two-fer Weekend) which means prime time shit-faceage.

    Just a word of warning - everything's closed up on Monday. After all that drinking, you'll want one day off :P And (I would not recommend this for a hangover, not enough fat) you can have some peameal bacon with yer eggs, eh?

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  31. Nice job with the word count! Will your book be as gory as the comic strip? I guess we're in for quite a quake.

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  32. LOL. Congrats on your nuptials. And those silly fanatics, If they paid attention to the Bible they would know that the end won't come until after Solomons Temple has been rebuilt and restored to it's former glory. I'm not even "religious" and I know that.

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  33. Reminds me of southpark for some reason lol! Love the post man!

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  34. Everyone would TOTALLY remember your wedding day. Well... maybe they wouldn't since they'd all be dead. But, come on, I bet the afterlife is gonna be one sick reception. Way better than the one I had at Chuck E. Cheese's.

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  35. Whoa whoa whoa. I thought the Mayans said next November?? Damn it! I just want a straight answer!

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  36. I'll probably still be in bed when the world ends.

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