Monday, March 7, 2011

From the Editor's Desk


Today I decided to extend a virtual welcome into my home. But then I realized it would mean having to pry my ass out of the writing chair. So I snared my camera, leaned back, and offer you the next best thing: my desk. Yes, it’s been one of those days. Bear with me.


Welcome to my desk. It looks relatively clean because I sort of jammed all the miscellaneous notes, bills, and overdue court summonses into the corner so you could actually see the sub-parchment treasures junk beneath the surface.  

1-      Sticky notes – When I’m actually being productive, writing that is, these help fend off the schizophrenic tendencies that come along with having a Mormon-family-sized cast of characters running loose in my head, and keeps them from obnoxiously knocking on doors of random neurons.

2-      Dinosaur – A rare species of miniature Triceratops suspended in green amber. Or is it a cheap, bent plastic toy stuck in toxic jelly? Made in China – One dollah at Target. You be the judge.

3-      Computer – An electronic typewriter that stores data, plays movies and music, connects me to anywhere in the world with the touch of a button, and fits in my backpack. Master inventor Benjamin Franklin would have shit his pantaloons twice if he’d ever seen such a thing. And he’d have loved every second of it.

4-      Harmonica – What can I say, sometimes I just get the Blues on me and the only thing to do is howl at the moon in C sharp. And let me tell you, you’ve never known the Blues until you’ve heard this gringo writer wailing on a mouth harp. Neither you nor your ear canals will ever know such misery again.

5-      Beverage receptacle – Coffee in the morning. Black tea at night. Beer interwoven as necessary. Sometimes I even wash the mug. A mini fridge, purchased at a good price from Sears (for quality!), would be an ideal desktop addition.

6-      Reading Material – It’s not just for the toilet anymore. Thanks to my mad procrastination skills, I usually go through a book or two a week. Unless Waldo starts to get crafty with his hiding places.

7-      Notebooks – Once I’m a long dead bestseller, what better way to prove to the world the extent of my deep psychosis genius than the rambling and illustrious collection of my handwritten notebooks? Six of the damn things are visible in this shot; four more are buried in the corner pile.

8-      Last, but not least, is my plastic Mr. Jesus, who remindeth me in my darkest hours that society still appreciates the power and necessity of fiction, and that if I was smart, I’d go the way of L. Ron Hubbard and Joseph Smith: kick back with a joint and a bottle of scotch and start myself a new religion.

As you can see, the list could go on for quite a while, and still not manage to hit anything really meaningful, but I hope you’ve enjoyed this voyeuristic peek into the void which devours so many hours of my existence.

Cheers,

Brandon

Music: Amanda Palmer
Beer: Honker’s Ale

37 comments:

  1. Nice layout of your desk. I have a harmonic on my desk too but I don't play it any more :(.

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  2. You desk is cool.
    Plastic Mr. Jesus is a nice touch.

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  3. your desk is messy D: mines isnt any better though

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  4. Ack, the M word! hahaha...

    Mine has a bottle of Arrogant Bastard Ale, an "icanhas" Magic Cheezburger (think 8ball), a Nolan Ryan autographed baseball, a wireless card I need to install on my desktop so I can get rid of 50ft of ethernet cable, and my crackberry. I could use some stickynotes!

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  5. brave! I am pretty sure my room/desk/space would scare the crap out of everyone. I love the notebooks. I don't trust anyone who doesn't actually write with pen and paper. Sure typing is great when it's time to put it all out there, and yes, I occasionally put things down on the computer and not write it first, but there is something magical about the scratch of a pen on paper...love it.

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  6. I give you points for the most inventive blog tour yet.

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  7. your desk makes mine look much cleaner :P

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  8. Sweet stickers on the electronic typewriter dude!

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  9. Plastic Jesus shelters me
    For His head comes off, you see
    He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask
    Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
    Riding on the dashboard of my car
    Ride with me and have a dram
    Of the blood of the Lamb
    Plastic Jesus is a holy bar

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  10. I don't have a desk man, take what you've got and be thankful for it is all I can say.

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  11. My desk is covered with robot chicken posters and pornographic material...is that bad? ;)

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  12. Looks like a good setup you going going bro

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  13. The creative centre of your art with no porn or photos though or was that cleaned up beforehand?

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  14. OMG, Ellery Queen magazine!!!! That was my favorite when I was a kid (like 10 years ago..ha) in the 70's. When they came out with the show with Timothy Hutton's father Jim Hutton and David Wayne I was their biggest fan. This was like Murder She Wrote but earlier. Am I that old? Good God! Love your letting us peek into your world. Thanks.

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  15. What is it about writing by hand in notebooks which is awesome?

    I routinely throw all the crap off my desk and start again. It mostly consists of a stuffed toy owl and a pile of unused pencils.

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  16. "...a Mormon-family-sized cast of characters running loose in my head, and keeps them from obnoxiously knocking on doors of random neurons."

    This is the most awesome simile ever. I'm still in awe.

    As for my desk...I'm pretty sure there's a few pictures of Brad Pitt and Taylor Lautner in between the sheaves of paper.

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  17. In a couple of weeks I'll probably come back and comment on this post again. I'm currently reading this book called "Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You" by Sam Gosling.

    Be prepared.

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  18. but will it be single malt scotch?

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  19. I had a harmonica once. I lost it in a mud puddle when I was 7.

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  20. uh, I couldn't handle even that many items on my desk. Along with my laptop, I keep only the necessary items on the desk, such as coffee mug, a pencil and some paper for notes. Everything else goes to the shelf next to my desk when not needed.

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  21. I'm lost without stick notes - I literally can not think creatively without jotting/scribbling something down on a post-it note.

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  22. hahah plastic mr jesus is such a bro

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  23. You've inspired me to clean up my act. Seriously, my office is the dining room table, and I wouldn't dare photograph that disaster. I like the dinosaur. Everyone should have a dinosaur. ;)

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  24. Dang you have a lot of stuff, my desk isn't nearly that cluttered.

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  25. Dude, you need some room! Bigger desk. And a fridge.

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  26. You know, regarding your point #8, I heard once the L. Ron Hubbard started Scientology on a bet. So, I bet you $10 you can't start a successful new religion and gain adherents.

    If so, it'd be a great revenue stream.

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  27. Pretty good post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts. Any way I'll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon.
    Surgical Towel

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  28. Make a video of you playing the harmonica. I think we would all enjoy that.

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  29. Love the computer - certainly better than mine!!

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  30. I do my best writing at the bar, It helps me concentrate on what's most important, like is 5x distilled Vodka really better than Smirnoff? IDK but It gets the job done

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  31. Mimosa in the morning.

    Beer at night.

    Case closed. :)

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  32. I love your blog! You will be in our prayers and thoughts!


    Web Design

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