Cap'n No-Beard's New Kicks

       
           Since Brandon took a stance on his glorious new beard, I figured I'd take a stance on my, well, baby-face. In other words, if I was a pirate, I would not be the great Blackbeard or the fearsome Bluebeard. Alas, I would be the pathetic Cap'n No-Beard. Yarrrr. :-(
          On the plus side, I don't ever have to shave, I perpetually look like a teenager, and I'll probably get carded even when I'm 60. However, there's always drawbacks to looking like Pee Wee Herman at every stage of your life. For example, Novembeard (not shaving the whole month of November) is a joke to me. I'd need a Septembeard head-start to even have a shot at it. Also, as Das Auto reminded us on yesterday's post, hockey playoffs are a great time to support your team and grow out a beard like the team does... unless you look like this. This avid Colorado Avalanche fan (even if we suck now) is just plain out of his league on that one.
           See, I tried to grow out my 'beard' once I got laid off, aka the unemployment beard, and got this far after a month.

Disappointing, right? A whole month, and all I got was an awful Spaniard mustache, aka the reverse Hitler (only grows on the outside, not the inside) and the pencil-thin douchebag beard. I'm a step away from achieving this. So... off it came, and back I went to looking like a baby face. At least I don't look like a girl, though.

On a brighter note, I got a new pair of shoes. As a writer, and maybe even as a human being, I'm not very superstitious. However, sometimes I need a little jump start to get my writing going. A new pen, a new desk, maybe just a new environment to write in. I decided I wanted a new pair of shoes, some fun writer kicks.

I got them, for relatively cheap, brought them home, and deemed them my good writing omen. Now, imagine my surprise when I go to peel a sticker off the bottom and see the soles.

Is it a sign? An omen? Nerdy as fuck? Probably. Who the hell knows. All I know is that I've been writing like crazy, and the words that are coming out are good. Much better than my unemployment beard turned out, anyway.

Oh, and if you're wondering, since he didn't post a picture yet, here's what Brandon looks like sporting his custom-tailored beard. You're welcome.

Stay classy, friends,
Bryan

Mood: Sorely disappointed in my genetics
Beer: Fat Tire
Shower: Just washed away what little stubble I had, down into the drain. :-(

Rub it in, middle eastern baby, but in 20 years you're going to have a unibrow that needs a weedwacker to trim