Saturday, January 22, 2011

Us? Busy? Who Knew?


Today we've got a special treat for you. It's the A Beer for the Shower take on one of our favorite old nursery rhymes. We call it Jack and Jill (and Zombies). Enjoy.



Jack and Jill went to the still,
To fetch a pail of liquor.
Jack got drunk and suddenly thunk
How much he’d like to stick ‘er.




Jack grabbed his sister and tried to kiss her
But fell in a vat of whiskey
Poor Jack drowned in an ocean of Crown
Proving incest is always quite risky




Jill staggered home feeling very alone
But the man in the vat wasn’t gone
Dead Jack climbed out and staggered about
Feeling hungry for brains to om nom nom




Jack did search, and home he did lurch,
Seeking out Jill’s sweet noggin;
She was in bed, with her big tasty head,
Snoring like lumberjacks loggin'.



 When Jack came in how he did grin
For a brain parfait from his mademoiselle,
But Jill’s shotgun blast to his undead ass
Blew zombie Jack straight to hell.


THE END

There you have it. An instant classic with which to put the kids to bed. Remember children, no matter how drunk you may be, it's always handy to keep a twelve gauge Remington under your pillow in case of the zombie apocalypse. Oh, and don't feel up your siblings.

In other non-incest related news, we'll soon be launching a Kickstarter campaign to help fund production of A Beer for the Shower: The Animated Series, because apparently a high quality animated series takes more than $18.32 (our bank accounts. Combined) to make happen. We're really looking forward to it, and will keep you posted when the campaign goes live. Lots of fun prizes up for grabs. "Slave-labor Brandon" may or may not be one of them.

Cheers and stay classy, friends,

B&B

Beer: Breckenridge Vanilla Porter
Music: Tedeschi Trucks Band

- Old Post -

 Today's post is a shortie but a goodie subpar...ie. Both of us have been extremely busy (I know, who knew?) but as a tease, I can assure you that I have a great story coming soon. For you see, my soon to be brother in law is in town, the retardedly rich one, and as he has no car, I'm officially his chauffeur. Because he's also the type to work on his computer programs until he goes unconscious, I am proud to say that today I (no joke) bought this 32 year old man a box of Lucky Charms in the hopes that he would actually feed himself. Apparently it worked. He's an interesting cat with a lot of enemies (and a big ass bodyguard to prove it), so my job as driver has been, well, interesting as hell.
           What I've told you so far is genuinely real. The story to come... well, there's probably going to be pirates and ninjas and deadly female Russian spies with boobs so big they qualify as weapons. But what else is an overactive imagination supposed to do when I've been driving to Qdoba and King Soopers all day?
            Also, as my last thought, I imagine that one of these days I'm going to encounter something absolutely magnificient that's 100% real... and you guys are never going to believe a bit of it.
            But fuck it. This is too much fun.

Stay classy, friends,
Bryan

24 comments:

  1. Can't wait to see over-sized Russion jugs....

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  2. I'm looking forward to your story!

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  3. Proves it can be even fun to drive somebody around from time to time ;)

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  4. Ah, Driving Mr. Daisy?

    Do keep good notes as I am nosy and like all the insignificant stuff that goes on in car rides. Capice?

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  5. dam that Russion spy has some bazookas man

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  6. lol i love the links in your posts

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  7. Hahahaha...This was too funny. I want pictures of these huge boobs.

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  8. i will believe every word, cuz i am gullible like that and stuff.

    looking forward to it!

    Bruce
    bruce johnson jadip
    evilbruce
    stupid stuff i see and hear
    Bruce’s guy book
    the guy book
    Dreamodel Guy
    dreamodeling!

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  9. Breasts - is there nothing they can't do?

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  10. This sounds like an upcoming epic blog post. Eagerly waiting, lol.

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  11. Mmm... Yep. I'd definitely qualify those as weapons.

    http://lifeofbaron.blogspot.com

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  12. if I ever run into a russian woman with large breasts i will do my best to make sure I get to play with them. Im a boobs guy.

    check my blog out. Im following you now. maybe you can give me some advice.

    http://goodmusak.blogspot.com/

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  13. I still have no idea if you're joking or being serious... I have very few working brain cells and you're taking advantage of my handicap...

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  14. With you I don't know where fiction ends and fierce reality begins. FYI...32 is not too old.

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  15. really like your blog

    following

    hazdbot.blogspot.com

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  16. Gah! The boobs are TOO big! But good luck with the story can't wait to read it :)

    http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/

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  17. "You talkin' to me?"...

    Nyet, dude, nyet!

    ReplyDelete

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