Today I am on day 4 of my black eye, day 6 of under 50 degree weather, day 15 of having no money, and day 43 of being unemployed. Yet another calm, quiet day of staying in with a good book, a warm cup of coffee, and my laptop.
In other words… I am fucking stir crazy.
I love having more time to write, more time to blog, and more time to catch up on hilarious Youtube videos (see previous post about getting sucked into the Internet), but being cooped up in the house is not very fun. I think I’m becoming delusional, seeing things. I’ve considered dressing up the cat. I might even start cutting my own hair.
So what is a guy to do, when he’s got a remnant of a black eye, it’s 40 degrees outside, and he has no money, AKA nowhere to go?
The answer: get creative. The following are the top 5 things I've done to stave off boredom.
1. Dig up old video games.
I pulled out all of my old video games, ranging from the original “blow on this cartridge to get it to work” Nintendo, all the way to my “what kind of retarded controller is this?” N64. Meli and I have rekindled our love of old games, and we’ve also rediscovered our 6 year age difference through such wonderful questions as "who’s Dig Dug?" and "what the fuck is a Battletoad?"
Dig Dug, to clarify, is a guy in a space suit drilling through the earth and pumping up monsters with his phallic looking bicycle pump, AKA one of the greatest games ever, especially when you get into 2 player mode, stick that pump into your fiance’s head, and then detonate that fat watermelon like Gallagher at a farmer’s market.
2. Go running with the dog.
I go running with my Italian greyhound, the scrawny yet muscly little pup that has so much energy to burn he makes me tired just looking at him. He’s wildly overfed, but he looks like the holocaust in dog form. When he’s not pulling me off of my running shoes, he does a great Captain Morgan impersonation.
3. Surprise dance party
At random intervals in the day, regardless if music is playing or not, I like to break into a one man dance party. Meli
loves hates this. I can do the Sprinkler, the Lawnmower, the Shopping Cart, and all of the old classics, but the one I can do the best is the Carlton, which Meli especially loves hates. Or the rainbow chicken dance, which will earn you bonus points if you have actual drumsticks in your hand at the time.
4. Try out some exciting new recipes
My house has not yet blown up, but we’ve discovered some great, low cost recipes that still look like they were prepared by a professional chef. Plus, it’s nice to know that if my wonderful fiancé ever dumps me, I can still cook for myself.
5. Grow a Hitler mustache
What better way to stave off boredom than to grow the most infamous mustache in history? This could never hurt my image if my writing one day takes off, and I become a famous author. Besides, it worked for Michael Jordan, so why not for me?
How do you guys fight boredom?
Beer: Cheap college kid beer
Shower: Not big enough to Carlton in, but goddammit, I'm still gonna