Thursday, January 20, 2011

Papa’s Got a Brand New Suit

            As evident by yesterday’s post, I’ve never been one for good style. Minus the mullet, which I ditched in favor of some ‘trendy’ bed-head hairstyle that’s just my way of never combing my hair, 20 years have passed and I still don’t have a clue what to buy myself for clothes.
            For that, I either turn to Meli, or pretty much any guy that looks like this.
            Or maybe Meli's brother. Her brother has a great sense of style. He’s also gay, but he doesn’t look anything like that fruitball above, and he was once my size. Now on some bodybuilding kick (kill it with fire, kill it with fire), he’s gone from a S/M to a L/XL, and has also left behind a lot of clothes, as we recently discovered while cleaning out our storage room.
            So imagine my excitement when I see a big, tall cardboard box labeled ‘old clothes.’ My first thought: rocket ship! ... My second thought: hey, some cool new clothes! Meli’s brother isn’t going to miss them. He’s a big ass musclehead now (kill it with fire, seriously, kill it with fire).
            First, I pull out a few nice dress shirts and some polos. Score! Some new pants after that. Cool! I even get a new leather jacket. Beautiful! Put on this baby, and I’m only a soul patch away from looking like this douchebag (okay maybe I won’t keep the leather jacket).
            But then I pull it out: a big, stupid looking black bag that really just looks like a bodybag with a hanger on it. It reads 'Armani' on the top.
            “What is this, an Armani bag?” I ask Meli, with a laugh.
            “Yeah,” she tells me. “Of course it is.”
            I’m about to throw it away, when she stops me. “Don’t you want to look inside?”
            I think, why would I want to look inside? And then she tells me.
            “The bag is to hold a suit, you know. There’s probably a suit inside.”
            My expression.
            Inside: a full, custom tailored Armani suit. What’s more, it fits like a glove, which means that it won’t even come close to fitting Meli’s brother, who now looks like this (why can’t it be killed with fire? Is it immune to fire? Oh God I think it has 4 boobs. It’s like it has boobs on TOP of boobs).
            So I present to you, my friends, quite possibly the world’s first grungy, unemployed blogger... with an Armani suit.

                                 (Note my Super Mario Bros. belt buckle, for full effect)

Stay classy, friends,

Mood: In disbelief
Beer: Amstel
Shower: Gonna need one if I’m gonna James Bond up some shit later  


  1. You look great! That suit is a keeper.

  2. Ohhh-la-la!! You look mah-ve-lous!!!

    Indeed a lucky find there Mr. Man.. (love the belt buckle)
    Now are you wearing sneakers? That would complete it.. Serious!!!

  3. Ooooooh weee! That is so not what I expected for you to look like in a suit. If I was single, had frequent flyer miles and some duct-tape, you would be in some serious trouble my friend.

    *no, not rape...I'd sell you on the black market for foodstamps and some hair weave ;)*

  4. hahhaha. nice find! Awesome suit.

  5. I found a really nice blazer at a thrift store for 7$. It looks great on me and I love it. I think your find takes the cake though.

  6. Bonus!! You can sell the suit if need be to pay for more beer, or a shower, or both.

  7. That is a great looking suit. Love the belt buckle. I'm thinking more along the lines of a Stella or Heineken for that look. But that's just me!! hehe. Nice you got all those new/old clothes.

  8. Looking all shnazy! I must say, the belt buckle does add a touch of personality to the suit!

  9. You're so lucky! No one I know wears the same exact sizes and such. Lucky man you.

  10. That is a fabulous score! Hey....hope you still made that rocket ship!

  11. i love that your first thought was "rocket ship"! that makes me like you.

  12. Classy, I lol'd at your post as usual :)

  13. Wow, sweet find man. Just make sure you get a nice pair of shoes and belt to go with it. Chicks can tell

  14. mmmmmmm amstel the beer i was drinking when i had the hockeyball incident

    i wish i would have had that belt buckle!

    bruce johnson jadip
    stupid stuff i see and hear
    Bruce’s guy book
    the guy book
    Dreamodel Guy

  15. Nice suit, that's pretty lucky that it fits you

  16. I love the suit and I'm really happy for you... But... Why did you post pictures of my girlfriend... And more importantly... Why do you want to kill her with fire??

  17. Ladies and gentelmen, Ta Da... The Well Dressed Blogger. No more sitting in your pjs until noon.

  18. I laughed so loud after clicking on "My Expression."

    One of my favorite blogs and you look like a total hottie in that suit. You should wear it out to bars since it makes you look like you have money and women are whores. You'd buy a lot of ass.

    "Hey ladies, I'm an entrepreneur in a suit."

    "OMG FUCK ME!!"

  19. Bahahaha @james bonding some shit up later xD

    mmm amstel... good shit ;)

    anyways here's my blog if anyone's interested:

  20. Lookin like a pimp with that suit!

  21. Now thats a sweet score. I need some gay bodybuilding friends.

  22. damn nice find man
    also the belt is awesome

  23. Black always looks good. Pity it's Armani, but it has the saving grace of being second-hand. The belt adds a touch of class. How about a baseball cap?

  24. u look great. i need a suit,. and said belt buckle.

  25. That suit is the officialness. Congrats on the find. You should probably celebrate by wearing it to the most awkward n inappropriate places... That way it'll stick out as much as possible and people will be able to appreciate it more! ...just sayin.

  26. Stay classy and keep making posts bro.

  27. The belt buckle definitely completes the outfit.

  28. goddammit you look great...i always wondered how you look... you look classic,sexy