Hey guys. Today’s post will be a little short because I'm feeling kinda sick, so I'm just going to simply call this the 4 essential key points of what it is to be Brandon.
Point number 1
After a long, hard day at work, there’s really nothing more satisfying than coming home to my apartment, curling up around the fireplace, and doing a lethal amount of meth.
Point number 2
Point number 2
I don’t have to drink my own urine. I just do. All that black tar heroin really dries out my mouth.
Point number 3
I’ve often asked myself, Brandon, are you happy with the female sex? And to answer that honestly, I don’t know. I’ve often thought of switching teams. I experimented a lot in college with an elderly gentleman named Murray, and he taught me a lot about life. And love. And forced intercourse. To this day I can’t watch Grumpy Old Men without sporting an erection. Walter Matthau had some amazing jowls.
Point number 4 (and the most important point of all)
Brandon is out sick today… and Bryan, well, he’s a sick bastard. So he posted this in Brandon’s honor.
Filling in for Brandon,
(and stay classy, folks)
Bryan
Brandon’s Mood: Sick (and possibly embarrassed)
Brandon’s Music: Taylor Swift
Brandon’s Shower: Lonely without Murray :(
Thanks for letting the cat out of the bag regarding Brandon. It's good to know.
ReplyDeleteWalter Matthiau in the Odd Couple was adorable!! Love this post. Black tar heroin does that huh? I've not done that but have done opium that was like black tar and I just kept drinking Heineken! Feel better.
ReplyDeletenoice! AtruLOL....
ReplyDeleteBruce
bruce johnson jadip
evilbruce
stupid stuff i see and hear
Bruce’s guy book
the guy book
Dreamodel Guy
dreamodeling!
dear brandon,
ReplyDeletei miss you, my snuggly woo. come back to me.
all my love,
murray
Great... thanks, now I am going to have to revisit my Walter Matthau fetish.
ReplyDeleteSD
simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com
Meth fixes everything.
ReplyDeleteHA! Now that's some funny s***.
ReplyDeleteBrandon is going to be upset when he sees this! lol!
ReplyDeleteSounds a lot like my life only I've never considered switching teams :D
ReplyDeletebahahahahahaha!!! this has to be my favourite post i've seen so far by any blogger!!!! hahahahaha XD kudos good sir!!
ReplyDeleteanyways, here's my blog if anyone's interested; just random posts that i think will be interesting/useful to my readers :) http://lifeofbaron.blogspot.com
I wish I was able to define myself so nicely by my life experiences like that. I need to get my life more in order before that.
ReplyDeleteThis made me smile. Good job!
ReplyDeletehaha, nice post. I wonder if there will be retaliation in future posts XD
ReplyDeleteMeth just makes me tired, and a little paranoid
ReplyDeleteLOL just like ~TheDude said, I want to see retaliation haha.
ReplyDeleteIn response to your question on my blog [since chances are higher that you'll see this here than as another comment on my blog] there's nothing to it really lmao, you just go around and ask all the different waiters if they'd go grab you some mints. and try bribing your waiter, be like "hey there's a nice tip in it for you if you give me a ton of mints"
ReplyDeleteand dude yes!! there's a certain taste of victory that they have that you just can't get from a bag from the store.
Meth is a hell of a drug.
ReplyDeletehaha, sounds like Brandon isn't going to be terribly happy about your depiction of his 4 main life points. I guess point #1 might also explain why he is feeling sick!
ReplyDeletecool post :D
ReplyDeleteI thought I was the only one that drank my own urine cuz of a dry mouth.
ReplyDeleteListen, my friend, anyone who drinks their own urine by choice and gets a boner from the size of a man's jowls, is interesting enough for me to follow...
ReplyDeleteFuckin' A!
Good grief Brandon.
ReplyDeletethat guy looks so strange
ReplyDeletehahah thats sick man
ReplyDeleteThis is kinda sick :) However I don't really get it but okay XD
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting that: I so appreciate a little sentimentality. The female sex? They could be improved: beer dispensing nipples for one thing!
ReplyDeletemeth is bad mmkay.
ReplyDeleteNice post Bryan.
Murray's one lucky man.
ReplyDeleteHaha brandon is one funny character!
ReplyDeleteWell that's some useful information about Brandon. I'm glad you brought us all up to speed, lol.
ReplyDeleteGave you guys some bloglove and an award on my blog.
ReplyDeleteCome check it out!
visions unto myself
who is branden? still a funny post though, nice job
ReplyDeleteNice - made me chuckle
ReplyDeleteNixon-porn?
ReplyDeletehahaha sick!
ReplyDeleteChrist, those jowls... they're amazing
ReplyDeleteI think Brandon sounds like a winner! I'd love to introduce him to my parents!
ReplyDeleteNice post.
ReplyDeletefollowing and supporting.
http://illuminatinwo.blogspot.com
the meth option sounds safe
ReplyDeleteOMG I laughed so hard at the thinking about switching for the other team thing. Haha.
ReplyDeletehttp://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com
that was really funny!
ReplyDeleteand can that old guy's face sag any more, i think it must be impossible