Thursday, December 30, 2010

You Mean This Thing Actually Works?

            Before I get started, let me say that Brandon’s super power of involuntary diarrhea by telekinesis is brilliant. What he failed to mention, though, was that in that party scenario, if the moderately attractive girl shuts you down, the coup de grace would be sending her off with a parting gift of smeared mascara and slimy brown legwarmers. Who’s not interesting enough now, huh?

            Also, if I had to pick my own super power, it’d either be spontaneous ejaculation or the gift of impulsive Down syndrome. At any moment, any person within a 10 ft radius of me could turn into Corky from Life Goes On… or revert back. Think how interesting life would be. While I may never be able to finish that conversation with Brandon about the devolution of mainstream literature, I would quickly learn that he likes seahorses, wants a cheeseburger, and can fit his whole fist in his mouth. Just be careful not to couple that together with the spontaneous ejaculation super power. God help us all.

Anyway, today’s entry is about how apparently this whole blogging thing works. After my tirade on the idiocy/rudeness of a certain tire store, Tires Plus got in contact with me and had us bring the car in. They realigned the entire thing for free (it was completely off from being aligned to a different model year), reprimanded the guy who was rude to us, gave us a few free oil changes (I change my own oil, but whatever, free is free), and they’re giving us $300 off a new pair of snow tires. Oh, and we were profusely apologized to, to the point of wondering when the manager would just drop to his knees and kiss my snow-crusted sneakers.

So I have to say I’m pleased with how he handled things, and in the future, we’ll consider going back to them… and not just for the free oil. However, let it be known that if I did, and I had the aforementioned super powers, I’d still utilize them, especially on the guy who was unnecessarily rude. Because say what you will, but a free alignment, free oil changes, and money off new tires is nothing compared to the entertainment value of a room full of spontaneously ejaculating tards.


Stay classy, friends.



Mood: Relieved

Beer: Pitcher of Colorado Native, shared with Brandon

Shower: Nice and warm… and not shared with Brandon



  1. 10 cool points for the Corky reference.

  2. It's good when everything works out. Pity it doesn't more often.

  3. re:tires- One of my friends got dicked around by an airline this year and took to Twitter to vent about it. She was contacted that day by the airline who took steps to resolve the issue to her satisfaction. Apparently they(and a lot of other big companies) now have staff solely devoted to finding that kind of thing. It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease.

  4. So long as it was resolved, that's whats important

  5. Neat. Good for the company to man up.

  6. Glad that he apologized! I remember after getting really bad service at a restaurant once we got the meal free.

    Yeah that made it less bad.

  7. It's good they hooked you up! We need better companies in the world :D

  8. well im glad the things worked out
    loved the blog by the way

  9. Its a shame you didn't spontaneously ejaculate on him while he was kissing your snowy boots.

  10. Haha, awesome post dude. Keep 'em coming! :)

  11. wait... you get free shit for blogging?? i'm doing something wrong man

  12. @NooG - lol! we should all take a leaf of two outta Bryan's book. Or should that be blog?

    interesting super powers :-/


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