Since Bryan brought up nudity, let's keep the balls rolling, or hanging, or whatever...
Four minutes of glory. That's what I get each day, no more, no less. Four minutes of steaming, soapy escape from the perpetual icebox that is daily life in the winter of Chicago. Why four minutes? Because that's exactly how long I have before the water heater is drained and my shower becomes the instant urinal of Frosty the Snowman. Even though it's quickly made a more efficient showerer out of me, it's still a pain in the ass. I mean, a man can't even take the time to enjoy a beer in there when he's on that kind of time crunch.
Who'd have ever guessed that jury-rigging a shared hot-water line with the building's laundry machines might have been a bad idea? Certainly not my stoned landlord. Then again, he also thinks it sensible to seek medical advice from a writer. "Brandon, do this look broke to you?" This, while displaying his purple, baseball-sized wrist to me three days after losing a fight with a plumber's toilet snake.
In retrospect, before signing the lease, I suppose it might have been foolish to assume that I wouldn't need to choose between doing the dishes or taking a comfortable shower within the same hour. But, you know what they say about 'assume:' It's synonymous with 'spontaneous shrinkage.' In a good-faith effort, at least the landlord offered to pay most of my gas bill, which directly feeds the community washer and dryer, anyway.
So, like Bryan I found myself in an irritating circumstance. And, I too came up with somewhat of an improvised solution. Since the lion's share of my hot water is spent washing other people's undies, I've decided to embark on a personal mission of water reclamation. Just don't pay attention to that naked guy sipping a Sam Adams, sloshing around in the spin cycle with your Levi's. And if you please, for the sake of my unmentionables, go easy on the bleach, huh?
Song playing right now: Stickshifts and Safety Belts - by Cake
Hey all! Great news! Today we got a makeover from the great Amanda Bynes! You may remember Amanda Bynes as the cutesy teen who starred i...
Today we've got a special treat for you. It's the A Beer for the Shower take on one of our favorite old nursery rhymes. We call it...
Today's story is especially weird because it's 100% true. In fact, if I didn't have my digital camera along with me for ...
Today's entry is inspired by a fellow blogger and friend, who shall remain nameless, as we don't want her to be ostraciz...
In the past, we’ve gotten a lot of letters asking about our collaborative novels. And since we’re planning to release our first e-book with...
Like any straight man with good taste, we've never had any desire to read the Twilight series*, but that hasn't stopped u...
Some of those who follow this blog know about my suburbanite neighbors. For those who don't, they're a kind, caring, alway...
Well, folks. Here it is. The big day has arrived at last... Sadly, no. But it's a close third. Today is the official release of our ...
I don't know how it is for our foreign friends, but here in America, the news is complete bullshit. Before every news cast and ...
Ye Olde Archive
- ► 2014 (51)
- ► 2013 (94)
- ► 2012 (89)
- ► 2011 (142)
- You Mean This Thing Actually Works?
- Sooper Dooper Party Pooper
- Love and Road Rage
- Glorious Man-Birth
- Happy Hay-Soos Day
- Your Child is Not a Genius
- Remedial Me
- Hvem i helvete ønsker å være meg (Who the Hell Wou...
- The Homeless Read Hemingway
- Fly Like a G6 (Sedan)
- I'm Swimming in Your Pants
- Blogging Au Natural
- A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Unemployment
- Brimstone Toothpaste
- No job, no prob
- ▼ December (15)