Thursday, December 9, 2010

Blogging Au Natural

                My last post was a little somber, so in the spirit of my not yet brother in law getting a tad better, we resume our regularly scheduled insanity with a much needed announcement.
                I’ve been wearing the same pair of underwear for the last 6 days.
                Before you wrinkle your nose, which I’m doing anyway, keep in mind that we’ve been washing the same pair of clothes every single night. We were only supposed to be here 1 night, but instead we’ve been here 6 nights, so the washing machine has become our new best friend. It’s become quite the ritual, too. Meli’s parents go to bed, we both strip down buck naked, and then we sit upstairs on the couch awkwardly watching TV while our clothes wash/dry.
I’ll tell you, there’s something about sitting on hot, sticky leather while naked that really makes you feel like it’s locking you in place so you can never leave, and why would you?—You’ve got over 100 HD channels broadcasting on your father in law’s 60” big screen TV with said father in law sleeping only 10 feet away. On the plus side, it’s on the second floor balcony, so if he ever steps out to see how we’re doing I’m only a few steps and a jump away from throwing myself to my own death.
                My hair is long and I’m a few weeks and a couple joints away from being a hippie. I spend my time in the hospital waiting room, with Meli’s mom’s bright pink laptop, working on writing while looking like an unshaven homosexual (pink laptop).  I miss my stupid dogs. I miss my home. I miss my bed. Hell, I miss my shower.
                My in law’s guest room shower is far from ideal. The shower head makes this grating, high pitched sound like a boiling tea pot that screams in your face the whole duration of the shower. I’m not often screamed at in the shower, but when I am, it’s not an enjoyable shower, so this week’s showers have not been great. In addition, the selection of shower products is slim to none, so I’ve been washing my hair with bar soap all week. If that wasn’t bad enough, there’s no beer in this household. Oh woe is I.
                I’ll be back in Colorado soon… only to pack up the small animal farm in our car and drive right back (until her brother is better)… but perhaps I’ll pick up a case of beer on the way. Oh, and a change of underwear or two, but that probably goes without saying. Either way, if I’m going to be standing in a screaming shower, the least I can do is lug my favorite brew in there with me.
                Until then, I’ll just have to raise my imaginary glass and give a toast to a warm shower, my brother in law’s health, and my in law’s not yet noticing I’m blogging butt-ass naked on their couch while my undies dry.



  1. Wow. You know, I read (wait... maybe I heard) recently that NASA did all sorts of experiments trying to determine what sort of things they need to know about people before they send them on years long missions through the solar system.

    Old news I know, but the particular experiment I heard of is what is pertinent here. They let folks just wear the same clothes for months just too see what would happen. Turns out that the oils in the skin work to degrade the materials very rapidly. The life expectancy of a t-shirt or pair of undies after continuous use is quite short.

    The main difference between your experiment and theirs, I suppose, is that you are washing your clothes, I don't think they were. Still, if you ever wondered what would happen if you just stopped washing then you now know.

  2. Well-Written and brilliantly detailed, as usual.

  3. Please know these earlier posts are greatly appreciated. An excellent writer are you!